DH's parents came to visit from out of state - BM found out we took girls out of state

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First, let me clarify that DH's parents live in California. They came to visit us this past week in MD for 4 days before moving on to their next vacation destination. One of the things they wanted to do while here was visit Hershey Park. It's about an 1.5 hours away in PA.

The custody agreement between DH and BM states that travel away from the home requires 7 days notice. It does not prohibit out of state travel at all; only states that international travel requires consent of both parents.

We drove the skids and g-parents up to Hershey Park for the day on Sunday, and came back home that same evening. When BM found out yesterday, this was the email she fired off to DH:

"I was concerned with not being informed of the girls travel outside of the state lines. This is a concern because you did not feel it was important to inform me (the girls mother) that you planned on traveling outside of MD. This is a huge concern for me just a basic common courtesy as a parent that I am sure you would appreciate as well. Statement 5D absolutely states that when the children travel away from their home that the other parent it to be notified. It does not specify only if its over night or out of state.
It is ridiculous to me that as a parent you would deem this an unimportant detail to share with your co- parent. It is also ridiculous to me that I need to support every unjust on your behalf to this co parenting relationship with the custody agreement.
Have you ever thought about treating me( the other parent) they way you expect me to treat you. With respect and consideration in terms of the girls welfare and general over all well being. I feel any time the girls leave the state of their home wether its over night or not us important information to share especially to a theme park."

Let's not forget that this is the same BM who routinely takes the skids to a water park in Virginia, flew the girls all the way to MD from TX and refused to let DH know where they were for 3 whole days, frequently took them out of town on overnight visits to her boyfriend's house in MD and her friend's houses in TX (when she was living there). She has also taken them to Hershey Park and the Sesame Place Park in PA with no advance notice to DH.

We have also taken the girls to several amusement parks IN our state and IN TX when we went to visit them there. BM was never provided notice of those. We've taken them to several parks in PA as well .. never given advance notice, and never gotten a reaction from BM.

DH and I just kind of laughed at this one. Interested to see if any of you agree with BM's statements .. that ANY travel across state lines needs to be disclosed. Our agreement does not specify as such, we did not fly or stay overnight, and we live within 1.5 hours of 3 state lines .. so crossing them is pretty common around here for normal weekend activities.

She went on to say in the

She went on to say in the next email:

"You knew this information well in advanced and could have shared the information, but again you do not treat my role as the other parent with respect or consideration. This will change, with a very detailed outlined custody consent order. I feel very sadden that these issues have to come to this but I DO matter as a co- parent and as the other parent that you share physical and legal custody with if you can't respect on your own I will ensure a court document forces you to"

I assume she's referring to the same consent order DH has been trying to get her to review/sign/change/discuss since April ...

The CO reads,

The CO reads, verbatim:

"During a custodial access time, at least 1 week prior to taking either child away from his/her home, all travel and contact information shall be provided to the other parent"

There was no "travel information" .. we were just driving to an amusement park. DH's contact information hasn't changed at all. So short of telling her we're going to the park, there's nothing to really share, KWIM? This clause is inteded to discuss vacations and overnight travel away from home; otherwise, shouldn't we be telling BM every time we leave home? "Girls are going to day care. Girls are going to Wal-Mart. Girls are going to the park. Girls are going to walk the dogs."

I get that in a lot of situations, out of state travel would matter. But it's NEVER mattered before. DH is always forthcoming with all info when we're staying overnight somewhere. I guess the vague wording has struck again .. lesson learned for us, I suppose

I agree, that clause is for

I agree, that clause is for vacation periods. Not day trips to PA. What is she so jealous/insecure about?

Again DUMB.

I suspect she's getting

I suspect she's getting nervous with the upcoming change order negotiations .. and the child support calculations. She can't handle not having control of everything and getting it all her way.

I also suspect that she can't

I also suspect that she can't stand that the girls actually ENJOY their time with their dad. She would be much happier if the girls had a terrible/miserable time when they were with us .. because that's what's best for them, right? :sick:

I think a court would find

I think a court would find her emails to be petty. Grandparents were in town and the family went to an amusement park for the day and she is pissed about that? Grow up.

Agreed. I would LOVE for a

Agreed. I would LOVE for a judge to say something like that to her }:)

Agreed. I would LOVE for a

Agreed. I would LOVE for a judge to say something like that to her }:)

Is she willing to follow that

Is she willing to follow that 'very detailed' CO?

I think that's ridiculous to make a big deal out of anything like that. It was a day trip. Here in FL, and hour and a half away is nothing. MD is a smaller state.

We can't get her to sign a

We can't get her to sign a consent order clarifying ANYTHING in the agreement. I seriously doubt she wants to hold herself to this detailed standard .. up to this point, she's enjoyed taking these liberal interpretations to her benefit. More specifics will make that much harder to do.

Realistically, she can't

Realistically, she can't expect more out of your DH than she can from herself. In BM world, I guess that works, but I can't see a judge having an issue with a DAY trip.

We were going on a mini-stay-cation, less than an hour away from our home, and BM refused to drop the kids off without the information (DH didn't tell her reservations were in my maiden name--so she couldn't get the room number). Yet, she hasn't provided any information when she has taken them out of state (we're talking cross country, out of state).

Sorry you are dealing with this. Your BM never seems to stop the drama!

Please tell me that you are

Please tell me that you are documenting each and every CO violation she has been committing.

THis woman is a whack job!

Kate

We document it. She makes

We document it. She makes that easy because she puts everything in emails. Up until we got a new attorney a few weeks back, nothing ever really came of it. The old lawyer just didn't want to ACT on anything. We've got oodles of documentation .. and literally no positive results

No, he did not respond. The

No, he did not respond. The only thing he responded to was confirming the drop off time and location for this evening.

We know when she went, but no physical proof. Just the kids telling us that they went. Like I said, it's never been an issue before, so we never made a stink about this kind of thing (and neither has she).

I think that is a ridiculous

I think that is a ridiculous mention in your CO given your location. You are in the DELMARVA area, and can be in several states within 45 minutes. You get a last minute invite to DC or a water park in VA and the kids can't go because of a 7 day provision in your court order? That is stupid. Just like you stated, she violates this rule herself, it really should be removed.

I just think it needs to be

I just think it needs to be clarified to state overnight travel away from home for more than 1 night. Otherwise, they'd have to communicate on every single sleepover party, every last minute day trip, etc.

Removing it completely could potentially open a much bigger can of worms.

That is true. You have a

That is true. You have a drama BM. It should state a duration for the 7 day notice. Not day trips. She is a moron. So the kids can't go on field trips without a 7 day notice? DUMB!

How did she find out?

Skids told her. She hadn't

Skids told her. She hadn't called to talk to them since Saturday, so when she finally called last night, they were excited to tell her about it.

Unlike her, we don't monitor the calls and censor what they're allowed to tell her. We KNEW she'd find out, and honestly didn't think it would be a big deal. Like I said, this has happened plenty of times before.

Is she still trying to have

Is she still trying to have her boyfriend pick up the kids this morning?

She sounds like a complete loon. When is your court date?

DH told her that they

DH told her that they wouldn't be at day care and she could pick them up at 6pm at the drop off location; or at 5pm if she picked them up from our house.

She bitched and whined A LOT since that means she'll have to fight DC metro traffic (again, not our problem she CHOSE to move so far away), but nothing she can do about it. She's coming to the house at 5 to get them.

No court date yet. The

No court date yet. The lawyers are trying to negotiate the change order. DH's attorney said if we give her 30 days to negotiate after she moved back and she fails to do so, we can go to court and show she's being uncooperative and fight for all we want.

But what we want to change is not unreasonable .. so DH's attorney thinks her attorney would be stupid to suggest she fight it in court .. she will be urged to settle. We don't really know what will happen .. it's with the lawyers for right now.

Let's not forget that this is

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Silly girl, RULES of the CO do not apply to BM, only to BD. She is just ramping up with this issue so she has something to throw out at you when you all go back to court.

She can ramble all she wants

She can ramble all she wants .. I don't see any real grounds for anything here.

Her threats of legal action are fun though!

LOL! I mostly just want to

LOL! I mostly just want to tell her to grow up and focus on her own life, because despite what she believes, how and what DH does with his kids on his time has absolutely nothing to do with her.

On a completly different

On a completly different tone...How was Hershey Park? We are headed up on Saturday. Was it packed? I love Hershey Park and usually try to make it up every summer. I live in MD also, it's true head in any direction and in less than 2 hours you are in a different state.

It was great! We had an

It was great! We had an awesome time! DH's parents are getting older, so they spent most of the time camped out on benches. We spent the most time at the water park since that's the skids' absolute favorite! I definitely recommend getting there right around opening, because the park does fill up quick. It's easier to stake your claim of chairs/benches that way.

Some rides had really long lines, but they were mostly the crazy coasters. My skids are too small for those, so we didn't have a lot of issues.

Food is crazy expensive ($9+ for a hot dog meal), but that's usually to be expected. I would recommend bringing your own snacks if you can to help cut down on that cost.

Have fun! I love Hershey Park

Have you ever heard of a park

Have you ever heard of a park called Knoebles (sp) it is further into central PA and I heard that it is very resonable and fun. I haven't heard anything about it.

I have heard of it, but I've

I have heard of it, but I've never been. I have friends who live in the Lebanon area who have been. It's a free admission park, but you have to buy tickets for the rides (like a carnival style). I'm not sure if that works out to be cheaper or not, but I would assume it's a less crowded park.

I've been several times & am

I've been several times & am going again in August. We love it. Free to get in - which is awesome if your not an amusement rider, plenty of benches & $4-5 hot dog meals... rides are fairly cheap & they have some you won't find elsewhere. You can get tickets 20% off at the local grocery store. We always have a great time.

Hurrah for perpetual double

Hurrah for perpetual double standards. Wish there was an eyeroll emoticon.

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DH's parents came to visit from out of state - BM found out we took girls out of state