He might just be really tired. But if you are both still young, and he had "compulsive sexual issues" before - this sounds far fetched. Have you asked him what's wrong? Why he doesn't initiate sex?

I assume you are asking if he may be cheating on you again. And I would assume yes he is. I am sorry, but the sex addiction/ compulsion is a joke. Men get caught over and over and say they can't help it due to addiction....and women fall for it!

Once a cheater always a cheater.

I don't have much advice to offer, but since my DH is law enforcement, I thought I'd chime in.

We have a very active sex life and I'd consider it to be pretty healthy. When he works the day shift (his shifts rotate), we average 4-5x per week.

When he's on nights, it drops because of conflicting schedules (he's coming home WAY after I'm in bed and I'm leaving for work just 2-3 hours later); but we still maintain 3x a week.

We also have skids every weekend, so we're both pretty tired and usually silently agree to just catch some sleep

I know the scheduling and young children can be tough on the energy level and libido, and that's probably pretty normal. If you're having other concerns, talk to him. Ask him to see a doctor if you think that would help.

It's possible at his age for his sex drive to diminish. My ex had similar issues so I understand the lack of intimacy part. But we never had sex because of that, on my doing. It is difficult to just turn it on all of a sudden on the days you are with someone, and turn it off the rest of the time. I would ask him.

I can't really speak to what a "normal" guy would do but I suppose it depends on the guy and the relationship he's in. I have a 2-year-old daughter, a 4-year-old son, a 13-year-old stepson and an attention starved dog. All of whom do their best to try and climb into our bed. I swear, sometimes I feel like our bed is not a place of solace and intimacy but the end-zone of a football match. I go on week-long business trips myself. DW and I try to get some bedroom Olympics in before I go away and hardly ever afterwards because I am just too tired or I come home at an awkward time.

My DH works offshore 3 weeks on, 3 weeks off and during the 21 days he is home we have SS probably about 15-18 of the days. I work about 70 miles away and will come home exhausted and cannot tell you how many times DH will try to get SS to go to bed early so we can have intimate time. From that first night home to the night he leaves he tries to get it and 99% of the time no matter how tired it happens.

How often do y'all talk when he is gone to work? Does his attitude sound different? Is one that would be more into porn that you if as you say the people with the disorder have issues with those they care about and would rather have sex with strangers? I mean personally I would be concerned on if he was cheating on you again, and even if not with another woman if he is more into the whole porn thing.

I would bring up to him that you noticed things weren't as intimate as you hoped...best thing in a relationship is communication and if it is bothering you bad enough to post it is something you need to talk to him about.

I guess your really just worried if he's cheating. If you think he is, if you feel in your gut he is, then he probably is.he's not going to own up to it if you ask him, he's not going to tell you over dinner. Cheaters are by nature liars. The only person who can give you the answer you are seeking is you. Perhaps you already know the answer and you are seeking reassurance, I don't know, but the only person you can really trust to give you an answer here is you.

I'm sorry for the pressure you are under.

My DH has some compulsive sexual issues himself. Like you state, it is definitely easier for him to have sex with people he doesn't have any emotional connection with. He has faked the emotional connection with people just to get laid. He claims he gets "bored" with sex, but always wants it and always thinks about it. I told him recently that even the most beautiful model would be boring to him because sex is just sex, and if he's that bored with it, it doesn't matter who it is. We have a conversation like this every couple months, and I'm tired of repeating myself.

That said, my husband is also in his early 50's, and we have a 2 year old and a 1 year old. (Yes, I'm a bit younger than him.) We don't have sex nearly as often as we used to, but we average 2x per week, plus I give him oral (without him reciprocating...not by my choice, but whatever...) a couple times per week. I think depending on MY mood since he can be a short-tempered jerk many times, we'll be more active or not.

My DH also goes through occasional cycles where he claims his libido is low, and we're not as active. Have you asked yours outright why nothing has been happening? I've asked outright, and I've also asked outright if he's cheating. Mine has cheated on me, and I also know what to look for. I hope I'm not jinxing myself by saying my red flags have been gone for a while.

Again, DH has also told me that he is not capable of simply being friends with a woman. If he's friendly with a woman, he'll want to have sex with her. Period. If my DH was gone all week and didn't touch me when he came home, I'd ask him about the women he's around, and assume that he's chasing one of them.

My DH travels for work. We always make it a point to have sex before he leaves on a trip, even if it is only for one day, but not so much when he comes home. He is usually exhausted.

Hey, O-M. I'm sorry you're going through this, but late 20's/early 30's relationship usually is having a lot more sex. Go with your gut, O-M and ask the tough questions if you want to know. I've seen this happen to our former daughter-in-law. She complained to me about the very thing you're talking about. It turned out to be the worst case scenario, and now he's married to it. :sick: Take care of you. ♥

I'm not going to comment on the question of whether he's cheating, but in terms of what is a 'normal' for a marital sex life - that has fluctuated dramatically over the course of my 10 year relationship and marriage to DH. Honestly I think any long term relationship has it peaks and troughs, based on work, and family commitments and children and stress levels and just how into each other you are at a particular time. I have been through a spell like the one you are describing where DH was worryingly uninterested in sex, and I'm 100% certain it wasn't because he was cheating. He's a person who tends to bottle up stress and anxiety and it manifests itself in other ways. He wouldn't really discuss the stress, he wouldn't really discuss the loss of interest, I think he wanted to pretend it wasn't happening. Eventually it resolved itself, but it was a real problem between us for a while. Currently DH would be doing it every day if he had the option - which he doesn't because we've got 3 young children and honestly some days I either fall asleep just after they do, or just want some time to myself! Other than stress and children other things that have affected our sex life are health and fitness: DH has got much fitter over the last few months and started taking vitamin supplements, I'm pretty certain that has made a difference to his (cough) appetite for life. In your situation there are obviously some worrying precedents which cast things in a worse light, but only you can determine whether this is a a recurrence of past problems or there is something else going on.

FDH and I go in waves, sometimes we can't keep our hands off each other and then others we are lucky to get it once every two weeks. I have noticed stress and our work schedules can really put sex on the back burner. I know he's not cheating on me. He and I both make sure to remind the other if some sexy time is needed. This last month for example: we bought a home, finilizing plans for our wedding, I finished my last three classes for my undergrad, one with a huge project, plus we either have had his daughter or the weekends we didn't he was on call-the whole weekend. We've been intimate maybe three times. We still cuddle every night and its going to happen tonight even if I have to pull out the garter belts

'Normal' is different for different people. It all depends on what is going on at the time, and many things can factor into how often you have sex.

Age, tiredness, time, stress, medications and health issues are obviously some of them.

I know that because of his past it's difficult to not assume the worst, but really, a week is not that long and he very well could have been tired.

Like a lot of others said, communication is key.

From what I've read and heard from others, 2-3 times per week is actually on the high end of the spectrum.

Even for a man in his early thirties he "should" (and that's a very broad term) still have desire and drive. WIll he consider getting his testosterone levels checked for you? Be honest about your desires not being met. You guys are married - Shouldn't have to hide your feelings like this.
As for not finding porn... Well, there's definitely options such as Incognito on Google Chrome that allows for one to browse without a history or cookies being stored on the computer. In that case I'd assume the worst.
Maybe even seeing a sex therapist would help.

Chiming in late here: DH and I average much much less than what is being related here.

I see you know the military somewhat. I'm a SFC, and DH is a CSM. We average 60+ hour workweeks. Even when we were NCPs, we only averaged once a week. Now, I am hanging out for this week, and it's the first time I've seen DH since the beginning of February. We're hitting the sheets pretty frequently, (even got heard by the teenager, oops) but I'm sure it'll decrease soon after we're settled. In our case, that's fine. There are some quirks in our sex life, but they don't include infidelity on his part, and I'm confident it never will.