Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result
It's the definition of insanity
It's my life right now as it is to many of us. I'm just having a hard time dealing with SD16 who is making an appearance 3 times a week now, yes three. Of course I know it's just for xmas and that pisses me off even more. I'm reading stepmonster AGAIN and I cannot seem to shake the sinking feeling in my stomach and my anxiety is through the roof.
FDH wants to play happy family and I just can't. I won't. I say hi, and keep to myself. I'm spiraling into depression and I absolutely RESENT FDH and feel like being super cold towards him even after shes gone. He's got an extra pep in his step when shes over and plans dinner (doesn't do all this shit when shes not here) and wants ALL of us to go to bio's practice so I'm not excluded- too late. I always feel "out of place" or uncomfortable when she's there. And of course, SD16 is TRYING SO HARD.......it's making me fucking insane. I hate, hate, hate feeling like this every time she decides to make an appearance.
I know around her birthday and around Xmas she does this- how can I stop letting it affect me? Just her being there disrupts our "routine" with my bio that I worked hard to get her on. My bio's anxiety goes up as well so even though we do everything the same its just "different'. I feel differently towards FDH when shes around and he tries extra hard and it irritates me more bc he doesn't do dinner and shit when she's not around....he knows she doesn't like to eat late like we usually do or knows I won't cook for her snarling ass.
He's happy as a clam her 4-5 hour every couple of weeks turned into Monday, thursday and saturday or sunday visits and I'm going insane.
Tell me how to deal bc it's making me crazy, yes I know xmas is coming up and the visits will taper off but I'm a the point where that seems to be an eternity.
How do you deal or what do you do. She's at my house right fucking now and if my bio wasn't there I swear to god I wouldn't even go home...FML
SD22 has already been told
SD22 has already been told she's not getting anything for Christmas this year because DH is broke but we will buy for her kids (SD is getting something but she doesn't know it and it's small). So, DH is on the phone with her and they are talking about the gifts for her kids and she says, "Well, can't you just meet me somewhere?"
Seriously? You want the kids to open their gifts at McDonald's or something? She has not seen her dad in 6 months and cannot even be bothered to come over and get her kids' gifts? We will not go to her place, as we usually do, because she is living with BM. Now, if she were getting a big ticket item, she would want to come over BEFORE Christmas to get it.
Other than lots of wine, I don't know what to tell you. I was lucky, SD stopped coming over at all when she was 15/16. She just vamped up the phone calls around Christmas and her Bday.
My boyfriend's BD17 hadn't
My boyfriend's BD17 hadn't spoken him for 6 + months because of her poor attendance and grades at school. She actually wrote his legal name instead of "Dad" on the Xmas present boyfriend's mom picked out and paid for "from her" - then had the nerve to CRY because she DIDN'T GET A GIFT AT XMAS.
They take and take and take. It's no surprise that they still don't speak.
FDH bought her a used car and
FDH bought her a used car and already told her what she is getting- he actually said that he is saving money bc he would've had to get her a car anyway and now he's combining it as a xmas gift so I have "ro reason" to be upset....BM was supposed to pay for 1/2...she doesn't "have it" right now but she will just pay insurance with child support and they will call it even :jawdrop:
SD16 actually said she feels guilty for now if she doesn't come and he wants her too......I know it will only last so long but the chaos I experience when she is around is just about bringing me to the edge...AND FDH gives SD16 ALL the credit bc "she's trying so hard" I could punch him in the face and kick him in the balls.
Oh yes, the feeling of dread
Oh yes, the feeling of dread having to drive home and face the disrespect, the noise, the mess, the upheaval.
Have you tried booze? Seriously--booze got me through having THREE ferals at my home EVERY weekend for almost six years.
Honestly, I would bring it
Honestly, I would bring it up!
"Why don't you ever come around more beside near your birthday or Christmas?"
There are times when being subtle just don't work.
I did, she denied, denied,
I did, she denied, denied, denied and then turned on the tears and said she's sick of everyone accusing her of only coming around when she wants something! She doesn't come around bc *we make her feel uncomfortable.......
I'm seriously thinking about
I'm seriously thinking about getting on anti-anxiety meds. I don't want my daughter to see me drinking a lot but it's true, I don't drink much but it's more then I ever have before. I love my FDH to death I really truly do. But I really wish I wouldn't have feel in love with a man who has children. I walked into this blind deaf and dumb. And i'm afraid I'll be on Stalk in 25 years from now complaining about the same shit. FDH has made a lot of progress but he still has a long way to go and I just hate this feeling when she's around
Also his other daughter SD22
Also his other daughter SD22 is quite the winner too. She was 16 and pregnant, dropped out of hs, her "baby daddy" got hooked on heroin stole from FDH got kicked out, cheated on SD, she got pregnant again and hid it from FDH for 5 1/2 months. By this time baby daddy was hard core into heroin and meth, robbing people, stealing cars and pawning everyones shit. He wasn't allowed at our house and he even was in other relationships. He went to jail for a few months she used all her tax $ and bailed him out. Now he's supposedly off drugs, he does have a job and they are playing house. She continues to make bad decisions and daddyyyyyy has to give her money or fix her car or pay for her school tests or books or give her $ for food bc she didn't get her paperwork filled out on time.... Fucking sickening. Figure it out. How many times are you gonna make bad decisions and rely on daddyyyyy to bail you out?? EVERYTIME bc they won't learn unless they figure it out. FDH feels bad though bc she's "trying so hard" and doing good on her own..............
It's just ridiculous- depressing
I feel so bad for you that
I feel so bad for you that you have to deal with this nonsense. We have the same problem over here with SD30. She's a total idiot that makes one bad decision after the other and decided to have a little accessory called a baby. Oh yes, the baby is an accessory to her; a cute doll to play dress up with and carry around for attention and to make sure that the money keeps flowing in her direction. I feel so sorry for the children of these selfish, immature, entitled brats. Its sad that your SD thinks its a good idea to reproduce with a man who is struggling with drugs and the law. It is frustrating to listen to the fathers of these adult brats talk about how good they are doing and how hard they are trying. Disgusting! :sick:
My DH used to spew this nonsense as well and it would infuriate me. If these lovely daughters are doing so well then why the hell are their grubby little hands still inside daddy's pocket? Oh that's right, that's where the ATM card is;silly me. Yeah, they're doing great daddy. Its all total Bullshit.
"Go, eat your bread with joy,
"Go, eat your bread with joy, and drink your wine with a merry heart." Ecc 9:7
Enjoy celebrating Christmas and give thanks to God for "He causes the grass to grow for the cattle, and vegetation for the service of man, that he may bring forth food from the earth. And wine that makes glad the heart" Ps 104:14, 15
}:)