I'd be sure to be writing "child support" on the memo line each and every time. Otherwise, BM can claim she never got a dime, and say that it was a gift, especially since the amount is/was higher than she was entitled to have.

There is no court ordered child support therefore there is no child support owed. The people above don't know law they're just giving opinions. Your husband doesn't owe a dime in child support. Not in the past, not now and not in the future. But he's doing the right thing and paying for his children. Yes it certainly is a good idea to write "Child Support" on the checks but its just for show to the BM.

It's rare when ex-spouses go to family court and one walks away pleased. My experience is that the judge splits the difference just to shut everyone up and everyone walks away disappointed or even angry.

Anytime a ex-couple can agree on something without the court getting involved everything works better. Take your child seat for instance, if there is ordered support then your husband would be risking jail if he reduced support to pay for the seat. Why volunteer for that?

The system they have is working - don't "fix" it.

If there's nothing ordered, then he doesn't have to,pay anything, ever. He can reduce as he sees fit, and refer her to the state CS guidelines if she bitches about it. She can then either accept it, or she herself can take a gamble and file. This is all just IMO.

BUT then if you stay out of the system its risky too... dh got taken to cs court bm claimed he never paid her a dime judge ruled 13 thousand in arears until he produced copies of checks. He turned in checks now BM is facing charges for lying.

Must be different in the US. In Canada, court order or not, CS must be paid. We recently went to court, because DH clawed back CS for a few reasons. He actually had a backbone this time and told BM to take him to court, but he was sick of her shit. (SD is 14 and a court order was JUST filed)

When in front of the judge, he had to prove CS payments dating to 2000, since he was able to prove payment, and never a missed one, BM got slapped, told to behave and shut up.

Seriously I would never pay someone outright money for CS without going to court/CS office over it. I would want to know exactly how much I owe. I would want it to be tracked through the system so there is no question what I paid. Most importantly I wouldnt want to be paying someone more money then I had to, especially my ex.

There is a formula that you input your salary and how many days a week you have your kid. It spits out how much you owe. (CS, not alimony) Our BM is too stupid to read, so even when DH showed her a tax form with his salary, she was still convinced she was owed more.

In Canada they don't garnish wages unless you are a deadbeat or there is reason to think payment will not be made, it is up to the Biodad/Mom in question to pay.

I agree with the court order though, BM is too high conflict for anything else. When she heard in court that she was owed to the PENNY what DH was paying, she STFU.

DO NOT GET AN ATTORNEY AND DO NOT GO THROUGH THE COURTS!!! He should, however, mark every check "child support" and keep a copy of all these checks going forward. Every month, print out the canceled check or make a copy, depending on how you get it back. That way he isn't scrambling to find them all IF she ever wants to go to court. He should also keep track of what's spent on the child.

There are so many posting here saying that they don't have CO's because MOST people do NOT go through the courts. I've been doing a lot of research lately because of the movie Divorce Corp. which is about the corruption in family court across the country. (Get the movie from Amazon for $20 if you want to know what you're getting into). As long as the bm seems to be "workable", work her. Once she has an attorney, or you are in the system, you will NEVER get out, and you will have some idiot stranger telling you what you can and can't do with your own kid. And the kid's college money will be paying for your attorney's vacations. Don't do it.

Why in God's name would you pay her more than what you would be ordered by a court, especially when you have her 50% of the time??

Just a little FYI. My DH was paying child support weekly to BM when it wasn't court ordered, Thinking it was the right thing to do. He wrote "child support" in the memo on each and every check. The judge over their child support ask when they separated so he would know when to back date the child support. My DH told him that he had been paying since the day he left and had copies of every single check. The judge turned to BM and said it didn't matter that he paid her it was a gift, he would still back date it if that is what she felt was "fair"

Basically the judge let BM decide how bad she wanted to screw DH over. It doesn't matter how much documentation you have all that matters is getting a judge that isnt a bias piece of shit. Good luck to you.

I am a big supporter of going through the court system. Either party can request to do so in our state. DH was paying BM by check the CO CS. She would rip up the checks claiming it wasn't enough. One year, the principal, and DH landlord at the time, came to DH and said if the children's tuition was not paid, they would not be allowed back in January. Up until then, they had split the tuition bill. So, he paid the full amount due. He asked her if he paid her half, could that count as CS. She said "of course, that would be great". Two months later, his bank accounts were levied to the amount of $12,000. He went to court, cleared up all but $4000 and change, the amount of tuition he paid her half, plus a couple of ripped up checks.
Bottom line, if he had been paying through the courts, she would not have been able to extort the tuition money out of him. BTW, tuition was supposed to be paid by her according to the final decree of divorce. He just felt responsible to pay.