Am i truly in the wrong ?
Hi Guys,
Just came across this site, thought i would join for some expert advice , i hope you can help.
I am 37 years of age , never had children of my own, never been married , and have been with my partner for over two and a half years, she has 4 children , but the youngest whom is 11 lives with us, the other 3 , 2 of whom is getting on with their lives whom, i must say, i am very proud of and the third is in jail for violence.
Recently my partner lost her father ( step father ) and was of a dear loss to the family, her half brother is still feeling the loss still, however, there has been a bit of a situation between himself and his partner.
This is not the first for them both to be the best enemies were violence has been passed both ways.
Recently another argument has equated, and my partner immediately, offered him to come and stay at our home, here is my situation, he has been in and out of jail for violence and not only possession of a class B Drugs but also for supply.
My partner never explains to me her intentions, its basically , " oh he might be coming down to stay for a week or so " Instantly , i go into panic mode, i explained to her that its not fair that she goes ahead with these plans without even talking to me about it, basically everyone , i am scared, i HATE the fact knowing cannabis would be in our home, never mind the awful smell, ( my opinion only guys, please do not be offended ) i work for the government, and again scares me that i will turn up for work smelling like cannabis, and the FACT we have a 11 year old little girl in the house, my partner explained to me he wouldn't smoke it in the house, be that's not the point surely ? Anyway, it turned into a huge argument , she is now down stairs while i am in my bed writing this, i am always to blame in her eyes , and told me that its her brother and i cant stop her , what the hell do i do guys ? do i really have to move out of my own home for the week ? i know some of you might ask have you spoken to her, the answer is yes, my partner has a BIG temper , and i had to learn the hard way, now i just stay out the way, even though more abuse will come from her.... thank you for your advice in advance, i have to be careful, the last time i joined and wanted advice on a forum like this, she checked the history on my laptop , saw the forum i was on and sabotaged my posts with crazy replies, and that is true as blue...
Check out shrink4men.com It
Check out shrink4men.com
It is a website for guys who need to learn to speak up for themselves.
You are not overreacting.
You are not overreacting. You two could be held accountable if something bad happened and her brother refused or denied responsibility.
If she is as abusive as you claim AND does not consider you one bit when making decisions you may need to consider moving out for more than just a week. I know it's easier said than done, but it sounds like getting away from her permanently may be what's best.
Last time I checked, partners
Last time I checked, partners did not have the right to invite anyone to stay in a shared home without asking their other half.
Invite someone else random to
Invite someone else random to stay over the house for a few weeks & just let your partner know after the fact. See how well she takes that.
That person would not be
That person would not be allowed in my home. Don't care if it was a sibling, parent, or child. I've got enough problems, I'm not inviting the garbage truck to back up to my living room and drop another load.
If you really want to stay with her and she has fabulous qualities you haven't told us about, check into a hotel for the week. Take the money out of something that she was looking forward to like the Christmas budget or the bathroom upgrade you two were saving for.
If you have to stay at the hotel for as much as a week and she hasn't had a change of attitude, start re-evaluating your whole relationship and where you come in her priorities.
Overall, it sounds like you are a stable guy who shows up to work and brings home his paycheck every week and lives life decently. Do you know how many nice ladies are looking for just such a man? Your gal pal sounds like someone with a lot of drama (kid in jail for violent behavior--did that happen in a vacuum? more violent/irresponsible family members) who checks your internet history and uses your accounts. Please think about all of this. It sounds like you do a lot of providing but not much getting--emotional support, respect, peace. You are not married. You don't have to live like this a minute more.
::shudder:: she sounds like
::shudder:: she sounds like someone you should run from. Seriously. Don't even bother checking into a hotel because it will NOT be for "just a week." People who abuse drugs become very skilled at finding enablers who they can charm into letting them mooch off them.
Plus, even if he does move out after a week (probably if him and his partner talk things out), who is to keep him from moving back the next time they have a blow out?