BM engaged!!!!
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DH bumped into a mutual friend of BM's the other day and she said 'oh so I hear BM is engaged!' We had no idea and DH felt embarrassed that someone random was more clued up about his own kids mother than he was. It was meant to have happened a long time ago so the skids surely know about it. They have failed to mention it to us and BM hasn't informed DH.
Don't you just hate when they sneaky BM gets her kids to cover up her bullshit? Whereas, anything that goes on in our house, the kids report STRAIGHT back to her. The skids become informants and co-conspirators for the mother and it does my head in.
Don't you just HATE being a stepmother? I do.
Why would you even care if
Why would you even care if they didn't tell you or your DH?
When dh and i got engaged bm
When dh and i got engaged bm was pissed that she wasnt informed. Non of her business but man she was all over in our life. Drives me nuts
I disagree that DH needs to
I disagree that DH needs to 'butt out'. It's not about that. When we got married DH had the courtesy of telling her. It's just a nice thing to do.
It's none of his business.
It's none of his business. It's up to her and her future husband to decide if/when she tells her exhusband what is going on.
Just because he thinks including his exwife in his life is important, doesn't mean she should feel the same way.
Tuashlove ... bm of ours
Tuashlove ... bm of ours lives with fiancé and gets all the single mom benefits. I call bs.
The BM here gets full child
The BM here gets full child support and a house paid for her. She asked for DH to continue paying for her and her now fiance's home contents insurance as well last week. You couldn't make the hide of these women up!
We didn't let BM know we were
We didn't let BM know we were engaged or even married. We knew it would cause more drama. She found out a few weeks later after we married and it started. and went on and on and on and on for months.
It's none of your business.
It's none of your business. And why on earth would he be embarrassed? She's not married to him anymore. The friend wouldn't necessarily expect him to have known.
My son never mentioned to his dad when I was getting married, and his dad and I get along just fine. His dad didn't find out until I said do you mind switching weekends with me, since I'll be on my honeymoon for two weeks? I was surprised our son didn't tell him, and when I asked him about it, he simply said it wasn't a big deal and he doesn't talk about me with his dad.
Also, we certainly didn't reach out to BM and tell her we were getting married. Her kids did tell her at some point. But not us. In fact, just about a week or two after we were married her craziness started up again. So the less she knew about our life the better.
I'm not sure why you would
I'm not sure why you would think that you or your DH should be in the know about any of this.
Me and SO recently got engaged... and since we haven't had skidly here in about 3 months, he doesn't know - and I'm not going to tell him so unless he figures it out, he won't know either... and frankly, I prefer that he doesn't know because who knows what bat crap crazy shit the Bowel Movement might pinch out when she finds out.
From the perspective of, "It
From the perspective of, "It sucks that we can't fart without BM being told what kind of air freshener we spray afterwards yet we never hear a word about anything that happens at her house" yeah, it sucks. BUT it's really none of your business that she's engaged. Unless your DH pays alimony it really shouldn't affect you guys. If anything, shit, throw a damn party! Most of these GUBMs get way easier to deal with when they snare a new victim, er, husband!
lorlors, when dh proposed to
lorlors, when dh proposed to me we also went out of our way to make sure bm was informed by dh in person and away from skids. We wanted bm to know before skids knew.
We felt it was bm's business because a major change was coming in to her kids lives. It's only decent to notify the other parent. If the kids start taking about it or have feelings about it the other parent needs to be prepared to handle it, not be lost in their own shock or wonder if the skid got it garbled and there really is no engagement.
Thanks everyone I appreciate
Thanks everyone I appreciate all your comment and insight. DH got very cross with skids last night about deliberately keeping the information from him and that when the boot is on the other foot they sing like canaries and run back to mummy reporting everything. I've started to be very open with DH about how much I hate being a stepmother. There's just no upside, you just get treated with contempt by the children no matter what you do so I've stopped trying. I went out for most of the day yesterday and got my hair done- fuck em. Why should i take them out for the day, pay to entertain them when they are disdainful and only pleasant when they are getting taken out for lunch and the money is being spent on them? I'm so over it.
We have a very nosy BM and
We have a very nosy BM and she pumps the skids for info constantly. I'm sure the skids divulge. Years ago, skid saw the wrapper to an EPT test in the garbage, evidently ran back to bm with that and BM immediately asks DH if I'm pregnant. He did not give her an answer, by the way I wasn't, but not having an answer drove her nuts. We got married a week later and she told everyone we only got married because I'm knocked up. Lol!!! Wrong, that was why he married YOU!
She pestered the skids relentlessly about that. I think they learned what to tell her and what not to tell her. We have never asked them anything about their mother. We truly don't care.
Mom could have told the kids
Mom could have told the kids prior to the engagement, not to discuss what goes on in her home. I don't think that's the same as telling a child to hide information. It's just a household rule.
It's a rule that exDF and I had in place. He told his kids "What goes on in my house is my business not your mother's" He also told them early on that he didn't want to hear about was done or said at BM's house. His kids would have never volunteered that type of information about either parent.