*rolls eyes* This is really starting to get old...
Last weekend when BF went to get SS, there were some cousins visiting and BM said she wanted SS to stay home and play with them. (My thought on this was that the cousins live very close and there's no reason to miss a visitation to see people you live within 20 miles of when you only get 16 hours a month with your father...but I let that one slide). BF agreed and that was when they had the conversation I talked about in my last blog entry. Well, she said she was going to give him this whole weekend to make up for missing the last visitation, but then she called us in the middle of the week to let us know that SS was still sick and probably couldn't come this weekend. (My thought was he was well enough to play with his cousins all day but he's not well enough to come spend time with his father? Again, I let that one slide.) So anyway, he was supposed to come today at the very least because SS has a science fair project that BM wants BF to work on with him. WELL BM just called about 10 minutes ago to let BF know he might want to call her before he leaves because SS is still sick. OK, it's a 30 minute drive, she KNOWS he was already gone 15 minutes before she called to leave the message...there are no other messages on the machine, no emails to either me or BF to let us know anything...why did she wait until after she knew he was already gone to pick SS up to call and let him know he probably wouldn't be able to get him? This will be the second week IN A ROW that BF has driven all the way out to her house to get SS and come back empty-handed with NO prior notice! I am so sick of this! I am not letting this one slide!
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I wouldn't let any of them....
slide. You are correct on all counts. Why is it ok to to miss a visit to play with kids that live so close.
Why is it ok to play, when you are sick.
You should be mad. Do not let any of this slide.
Please post what happen when he come back.
Jo
When he came back:
He didn't have SS with him. I gave him a hug and told him I was sorry. I also told him that BM had called about 15 minutes after he had already left and what she said. He just chuckled, typical BM behavior. He said when he got out there BM was out on the porch to greet him and told him that SS was still sick and she didn't think he'd want to come out today, but he was getting dressed to come out and at least see his dad for a minute. BF talked to SS for a while and hugged on him, told him he loved him and missed him, and then he went back inside. BM usually takes these opportunities to gripe at BF about things, so before she had the chance he handed her the bag with the supplies for the science project in it.
"Here, if he's not coming with me you're going to need these. WE went and got them for SS last night."
BM just stood there staring at him. She didn't know what to say. I don't think she even said thank you, she was so taken aback. After a few seconds BF said "Well there's no use in you standing out here in the cold if you've got nothing to say..." so BM went back inside.
I'm so proud of BF, and a small evil part of me is so happy that he made her that uncomfortable!
*dance*
So this morning was both disappointing and satisfying in a twisted way. I'm still pissed though.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
why cant he be sick at your house?
Seriously... in the future I wouldnt let this fly. Its only a half hour drive so I would take him home anyways...its something all parents have to deal with. Id let her know you have puke buckets at your house too. Otherwise you may find that your boy happens to get sick quite often.
We went thru this with visitation. There was always some excuse and my DH was always trying to do the right thing be self sacraficing thinking he was making the girls happy. The excuses he let fly would be used over and over again until the girls where put into the power position of having the say as to whether they would visit or not. The times my dh stood up and said they had to come regardless. They would be angry at first but soon got over it and also seemed relieved that dad stood up for his right to be in their lives.
Making your ss come in the long run protects him from having to tell dad he doesnt want to come when in all probability he truly does. Dad demanding his rights and standing up to BM protects SS from BM's manipulations and being put in a postion of having to choose. SS will say and choose whatever BM wants him to otherwise he will have to face her wrath. Dont let your ss be put in the middle like this.
What can I do?
I can't really do anything to affect the situation...is there a way I can bring this up to BF and let him know that it's his right to have SS whether he's sick or not? I've been wanting to tell him this and hopefully get him pumped up to take his rightful visitation regardless of the excuses but he gets so pissed off whenever BM comes up in conversation that it's very rare we can have a good constructive discussion before he gets angry and needs to change the subject. I feel like if he had a plan in mind for when she tried to pull these stunts to deny visitation and could keep himself in that mode instead of the self-sacrificing, say anything to avoid an argument mode, things would be much better in the long run. I just don't know how to address this with him so that he'll be receptive and cooperative.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
Honest to God, Nymh, I
Honest to God, Nymh, I cannot think of one single visitation we've had during the past 5 1/2 years that at least one kid wasn't sick already or didn't become sick during the visit. My kids are scary healthy, but my skids are ALWAYS either puking or complaining of a headache. But there have been times that BM denied us visitation claiming that someone was sick, which always sounded fishy to me, since there's never been a visit where someone wasn't sick. It was just an excuse because she didn't want us to have them, for whatever reason. I think a kid can be sick at Dad's just as well as at Mom's and that fathers should have to (or get to) deal with sick kids, too. Maybe he could phrase it to her like this, "Well, I understand he's sick, but I'll take him as planned, anyway. It'll give you a break and it'll give me a chance to help out. I insist."
~ Anne ~
Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)
Bravo
I too am proud of you. Janice said it beautifully. And you should be proud of BF. Job well done by both of you.
Turn around, pat on the back. Jo
I understand where you are
I understand where you are coming from my BF ex tried that a couple of times until he finally said "We have fever medication and can also handle a sick child" He had done it before she left so why not now. Needless to say we picked her up on Friday with a fever of 104 and a comment "Oh by the way she has had a fever since yesterday and I kept her home from school today you might want to get her some medicine" I think her being pregnant has sucked all her brain cells away