BIOMOM/EXWIFE DOES NOT WANT TO MEET W/ME TO TALK IN PERSON...
Everytime she complains about something via email to my husband and I call her or reply to her via email to meet w/us to discuss it in person.....she refuses to meet w/me included in the meeting? Why is this? Why can't she face me?
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Simple Answer
Because she wants to play the victim - you're the evil wife. You must be very scary, Happy Mom.
Oh, excuse me I haven't introduced myself - I go by several names Evil Stepmom or Satan depends if you talk to BM or SD.
Glynne
I tend to think..
I tend to think it's because your husband will be less likely to manipulate if you're around.. but also consider that it would then be 2 against 1.. she may not like the feeling of being ganged up on.
Stepup
good thinking stepup
who would want to meet with 2 people who probably share the same ideas and views of how things should play out in their world?
Hmmm.....
How long have you and DH been married? Are her complaints about you personally?
BEEN MARRIED FOR 7YRS NOW.
BEEN MARRIED FOR 7YRS NOW. COMPLAINTS NOT ABOUT ME, BUT I FEEL LIKE SOMETIMES SHE PERHAPS PICKS ON MY HUSBAND BECAUSE SHE IS SOMEHOW UNHAPPY W/HER LIFE OR SHE IS JEALOUS OF OUR LIFE. WHAT DO YOU THINK?
MY HUSBAND AND I ARE VERY NICE PEOPLE, WE ARE CORDIAL W/HER BUT DEEP INSIDE WE CAN'T STAND HER AND WISHED THINGS WERE DIFFERENT.
-happy mom
Here is what I think...
Hi happy mom,
Honestly, I think that if it's not complaints about you personally then you should let DH deal with it with BM between the two of them. You may feel that BM picks on your husband and she may do so.. However, that is between the two of them and DH needs to be the one to deal with it and his ex himself..
If it's complaints about you personally, then by all means, I think she should be woman enough to discuss those with you directly. But if they are not, then she and DH should be left to discuss and work out their own issues involving their kids.
septembers_child
BM plays this game too
BM throws fits at the thought of me being included in any sort of discussion. We assume it's because she can't lie as convincingly to two people. She knows I have a good memory and my fiance does not. She loves to be able to twist past conversations and make him believe they had agreed on something else, whereas if we were both there we could say with certainty that what she was saying was not true because we both remembered (the same) different story. Am I making sense? We don't want her to feel like it's two against one so we've told her she can bring along her father for any important discussions, but she still refuses. I think she's afraid he'll remember the same thing we do and call her out on it! This one's a pathelogical liar, if you couldn't tell.
At first I thought she didn't want to include me because I'm not a biological parent. (She throws that in our faces ALL the time.) But now she's talking about us getting together for "girl time" to discuss things regarding SD. So now instead of excluding me, she wants to exclude my fiance. I guess she wants to manipulate me one-on-one now. No thanks! If I'm going to talk to her at all, (and that's a BIG "if"!) my fiance will be right there with me.
At this point in our saga, we don't meet with her in person at all anymore to discuss anything because if it's not on paper, we have no proof of what was decided and we know from experience she'll change her tune more often than she changes her knickers. The only in-person discussions are in the presence of our two family therapists. And they take copious notes.
Happy Mom, why do you want to meet with BM in person anyway? Why not just keep it all to email and save yourself the hassle?
WHY FACE TO FACE.....
THANKS FOR YOUR INPUT. EMAILS HAVE NO REAL EMOTIONS/EXPRESSIONS MOST OF THE TIME. I ONLY WANTED TO TRY DISCUSSING MAJOR ISSUES W/BIOMOM IN PERSON WITH THE 3 OF US THERE BECAUSE I WANT TO SEE WHETHER SHE CAN FACE HER ACCUSATIONS TOWARDS US FACE TO FACE. AND TO CLEAR UP ANY CONCLUSION SHE HAS THAT'S UNTRUE. THAT SHE CAN'T BE POINTING FINGERS WITHOUT HEARING BOTH SIDES OF THE STORY FIRST. SHE REALLY BLAMES MY HUSBAND FOR ALL HER COMPLAINTS AND DRAWS UP HER OWN CONCLUSIONS W/OUT ASKING HIM FIRST AND DISCUSSING IT. SHE JUST WANT TO DO IT VIA EMAIL TO GET IT OUT. IT'S OBVIOUS SHE HAS A PROBLEM W/TELLING US IN PERSON. SHE'S PROBABLY AFRAID THAT WE WILL TELL HER FACE TO FACE THAT ALL HER ACCUSATIONS/CONCLUSIONS ARE UNTRUE. AND MAYBE SHE IS AFRAID OF WHAT I WILL SAY TO HER, SINCE MY HUSBAND HAS NEVER REALLY CONFRONTED HER, HE MAINLY JUST BRUSHES OFF ANY COMPLAINS SHE MIGHT HAVE. I AGREE THAT WRITING IN WORDS ARE BETTER THAT WAY YOU CAN KEEP A JOURNAL.
-happy mom