bedtime tantrums

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Bedtime is becoming more difficult. Sd age 4 1/2 throws full blown tantrums when told that it is bedtime.she wakes up in the middle of the night and will try and get in our bed.( I put my foot down this is now a no no. I will not go to the living room because I am uncomfortable) so now the routine is my wife will lay with her till she falls asleep. My wife works very hard and falls asleep 90% of the time and Ieither go get her or I fall asleep. Sometimes she will go lay with her in the middle of the night when skid wakes up. As everyone knows our alone and intimate time is limited and nightitme is the only timeI have with her. I am getting tired of this as it is becoming a routine. I dont think it is healthy dor the kid or our marriage but I dont want to over step my step parent boundarys...mainly because since I have been in the picture I have had my fair share of input.(no eating on couches...no eating in my car)
I dont know how to bring it up. It is past 11 the "putting her to sleep" has been going on for a few hours.it was a rough day and an emotional day for me...I need my partner

Has SD co - slept in the

Has SD co - slept in the past? I think this is something you will have to ride out if this is the case. You cant really expect a 4 year old to be ok overnight with being put into a bed if she was never used to it.

If SD has never co slept I would suggest thinking long and hard about why it is that you feel this is not ok. Keep in mind you have to think about why it is best for SD to have a stricter hand. This cannot be about your needs it has to be about SD. If its not about SD you will be heading into an argument for sure. I would address it as "I am worried about SD and her coping skills, development..." whatever you feel the problem is in your household. This will get you further then I needed you and you weren't there. Or just a simple I don't think this is normal so you should stop. If you cannot find a reason that it would be in SD's best interest I am sorry but you may have to get used to it!

They did co sleep in the past

They did co sleep in the past due to housing circumstances that stoped avout a year ago and the current problem has become significantly worse in the past month or so. She just had a tantrum its almost 2am and there gos my wife. I feel it is bad for her xoping,independence and it is another way for her to get her way wich she always does. I cant take much more of this

This is similar to what I

This is similar to what I went through with SS and DH. They had always just fallen asleep together on the couch and stayed there all night. SS was 5 when me and the bios moved in with DH and I had to be the one to handle bedtime routines. 3 years later and there are nights that it is still a battle to get him into his bed. The #1 key is don't have a weak moment. The first time you do will set you back weeks.

You and your DW need to come up with a short bedtime routine (ie- snack, bath, story- goodnight). When she cries- don't react. When she gets out of bed, walk her back, put her in bed and walk out. No talking about it, no kisses and one more stories, no nothing. Silent treatment! Keep it up and it will sink in, it can get better.

Also want to add that this

Also want to add that this happens more when my wife and I enforce a rule or say no

Keep by your rules. I had the

Keep by your rules. I had the same problem with my skid, unfortunately I am the one with the discipline hand so I just stuck to my rules and said no and then he would start to tantrum and as soon as that happened I just picked him up by the arm, lifted my hand (like in a motion to give a hiding) and asked him, "do you want something to cry about", of course the answer is no, so if there is nothing to cry about and you don’t want anything to cry about then what is the problem, I kept my word and he tried it, a few times, he got a hiding and after a few unwelcome months it stopped and luckily my husband (BD) supported me. I don’t know if your DW will support you. Enough is enough right

Thank you for your input I

Thank you for your input I was starting to worry that I was being selfish. Dw and I are strict in different aspects. When it comes to tantrums whiny bs and kids wanting to get their way I am the one who will never give in. Hopefully when I talk to dw about this it isnt a argument

SD used to do this when she

SD used to do this when she was at her grandparents house. onlly because she knew they could cave. She tried it with us a few times, but just like any other tantrum when we stopped giving in it stopped. It did take a few weeks though

SD used to do this when she

she co slept in the past you

she co slept in the past you stated, this is something you are going to have to let your wife do on her own! Don't get in the middle of it or you will create regrets and issues between your wife and you. This happened to me and I totally regret letting him tell me what to do and break this bond I had with my son. Our marriage didn't last. You can ask her if she is wanting her to sleep in her own bed. And if she says yes, maybe get her a book about it from barns n nobles. They make quite a few in the parenting section. This might help. Another good book to read for her and you is by Kevin Lemon "how to have a new kid by Friday" or "Making kids mind without losing yours!" If she reads them, please read them too as the parenting has to be the same page to really work. My husband would never read them so it was back in forth. Now married and have 3 kids by him and our three kids co slept and we are still breaking our 6 year old. for the most part he is broken but we find him at our feet about once a week or once ever two weeks!

So, you could have been

So, you could have been describing the situation with me and my SO. Her 2 yr old had been co-sleeping with her after her ex kicked her and the kids out. When she and I started dating, it was nearly a nightly thing. She tried off and on for months to get her to sleep on her own. But she would always cave and allow her to start sleeping with her again. When we moved in back in December, it became exactly as you described. She would be told to go to bed (her sons have a specific bedtime but the youngest daughter did not) when the boys would, but she would repeatedly throw a fit and start screaming at her mom that she didn't want to go to bed and that mom can't make her.

She will wake in the middle of the night, and most nights she wakes multiple times crying. I have sympathy for her, but just like you this is my time with my SO, and often we are too tired to be very good company and fall asleep anyway. But when she wakes up, SO will get up and sometimes lay with her and fall asleep with her. She is trying to be better about it though.

I think you're just going to have to keep training your skid. Every night, as often as necessary and for as long as needed, take her back to bed, don't lay down with her, make sure all the lights are off, no tv, nothing, and she will eventually fall asleep. Hopefully after a couple of weeks she will start to get the picture that she is not sleeping with mom anymore and that her place is in her room.

My SO is in the medical field and after talking with a few doctors was told that it is much worse in children who are premature. They have intense separation anxiety and will often not let their mom out of their sight. Bedtime is the worst.

Good luck!

Be thankful you are trying to

Be thankful you are trying to cut off the co-sleeping at 4½! My SS was 6 when he came to live with me and he was so used to co-sleeping, that telling him to go to bed would get the same reaction as me asking "Okay SS, sit still while I saw your arms off." He would scream, he would cry, he would pull EVERY excuse in the book on why going to sleep on his own was just not possible (i.e "I can't sleep, my hair hurts).

DW and I finally *broke* him when he was 10. Even today (he's 13 now), SS still insists that DW goes to tuck him in at night.

In other words, the longer you guys wait to break the co-sleeping habit, the harder it will be on everyone.

You won't be able to stop the co-sleeping cold turkey, but you both will need bucket loads of patience. Like notsam said, kids need to be comforted but they also need a routine. That's what I am doing now with my little ones (who are 4 and 2). I would lay down with my 4-year-old from time to time (like when he is sick or scared), but most days, he goes to sleep on his own. My 2-year-old can go to sleep on her own, but she still wakes up in the middle of the night crying. Sometimes she will go back to sleep if we coax her, but sometimes she just wants to be held. We have a nightly routine in our home and we do our best to stick to it. So I would suggest you and your wife do the same.

It took me MONTHS of trying

It took me MONTHS of trying to convince Guilty Daddy that co-sleeping was NOT the way to go. He'd allow all three to jump in bed with us and YSS would invariably pee the bed.

He told me I was "mean" and "cold hearted" (I'm am experienced parent by the way with my eldest a married woman of almost 10 years and my youngest in the Air Force and out on his own) to even think that he couldn't snuggle in bed and co sleep with his "angels."

Stand firm as the other posters said and walk her back to bed. No excuses!

Thank you! Wish me luck

Thank you! Wish me luck tonight because I am putting my foot down...or sleeping at my brothers house to prove a point.

So how did it go USMC?

I'm not sure why everyone is

I'm not sure why everyone is harping on the co-sleeping, because that's not the problem here. He said they had co-slept IN THE PAST. The problem is discipline and mom being too soft. The hardest part of parenting is making kids do the things they don't want to do that are the best things for them. But rememeber, if she finally does accept the bedtime routine and it seems to work, kids go through phases where they don't sleep well and/or they have irrational fears that tend to cause problems at night or when it's dark. Mom needs to toughen up, but I would encourage her rather than do the work myself. Good luck.

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