Bio parents and their using of the step parent/partner.
I think something that has not been discussed enough is the bio parents(your spouses) role in these situations. Their ex is always made out to be the bad one/the enemy. However do you ever stop and think about us spouses role in the whole mess they have created. I also felt in my situation there was some using going on, on my spouses end of things. For example I have a good career, I make good money and was invited on a trip with my SO and her children. I was told throughout this trip I should spend the money I have because I was on vacation except her kids weren't my kids and we were not married. Just because I make decent money does not mean I want to spend it on your kids especially when they come off as very ungrateful the majority of the time and the have two bio parents who are living, healthy and employed. However I was expected just to find her kids endlessly and expected to feel good about doing so. I wonder how many people on here are being used by these people. Without blaming the other bio parents for everything just think about that. Maybe the other bio parent left for a reason? Maybe it isn't their fault?
Yes, many people come on here
Yes, many people come on here blaming BM or the kids, and leave realizing it's their SO (or refuse to realize that and get angry at comments pointing that out).
Most of the skid behavior issues on here are caused by poor parenting by BOTH bio parents.
I think I'm confused, are you
I think I'm confused, are you married or aren't you? If your dating a person who is demanding money from you for their children, you have the right to say no and walk away.
If you are married and they are demanding money from you for their children it might be best to seperate finances and only pay for you share of things in the marriage.
I blame my DH for everything
I blame my DH for everything b/c he puts up with it. Do I still loathe the BM? Yes b/c she is nuts. Do the skids still drive me insane? Yes.
Nobody has
A lousy SO and a great SO ex Don't you think all these BM have some stores to tell.
I think there is some using
I think there is some using going on for sure. Second wives tend to either be weather/more accomplished so they use them to bouy their finances and afford.more.for their kids. OR second wives are much younger and eager to act like a new mommy or nanny and take over all of the parenting/childcare responsibilities, so they are used to do these "women's work" type tasks. And some are used both financially and for their caretaking and I really feel for those women.
I pushed back and didn't take on the childcare responsibilities, but my DH is a spendthrift and knows I will cover him in a tight spot. He doesn't rely on me to pay for SD directly but i have paid for house expenses because he sent too much extra for SD.
He used some of our wedding gift money to pay for SD's summer camp. I haven't forgiven him for that yet.
This gets discussed all the
This gets discussed all the time. You've been told this under this username and others that you've posted under that your SO was the problem. Your SO and their mother used you to pay for that fateful vacation and likely many other things. When you closed your pocket book, you weren't needed anymore. You were never wanted beyond your usefulness.
I think that there is a
I think that there is a difference between being used and being equity life partners.
Being used is something you know when you see it.
I am fortunate as a SParent that I never ran into being used. My DW was raised by her mom and SF. Her BioDad was killed in a car accident before DW was born. So she had her own experiences to fall back on. I entered the picture when SS-27 was very young. We met when he was 15mos old and married the week before he turned 2yo. So my experience and my FIL's were very similar as far as being SDads is concerned.
I just raised him as mine. We were and are a family. We took a bunch of vacations. He talks about many of them regularly and fondly. Others, he did not enjoy but the discussions of those are hilarious.
Fortuneatly I avoided feeling used.
YES! Took me a while to
YES! Took me a while to realize but both are to blame for the situation that was created.
Dont get me wrong, BM is a flipping crazy nut bag but my DH allowed her behavior to go on for so long! It was showing her that if she acts like that, she gets what she wants. He thought that "ignoring" her behavior and never standing up to her for her disrespectful ways would "keep the peace"!!! It wasnt until I had a long talk with my DH about his behavior condoning her disrepectful ways did he finally realize he too was the problem and started to create healthy boundaries that neither of them could cross!
Honestly I've been used by
Honestly I've been used by them BOTH. Psycho abandoned them and left us with a s*** of debt, and never pays CS. But STBX is an emotionally abusive cheater who's used me as a nanny. Sooooo... Guess it's a toss up on that one...
I think it's common. The person basically sees a new SO as "finding a replacement"