Confessions of a guilty SM
I may come off as the worst sounding step mother alive here but I am going to confess something....
1. As much as I absoluely love our life and our children, both my bilogical and step kids, I am beyond relieved when the weekend that we have all of us in the house (every other weekend) is over and I have a week or so ahead of me with just DH, my child, and myself.
Our step kids are wonderful. Thier mother is not. She is highly critical, demanding, always watching and waiting to tell the kids how she would have done this or that differently. As a result, our weekends are enjoyable, but also full of little comments like "mommy says we should eat less take out at your house" after we severed pizza at a visit, and "why don't you make your own peanut butter like mommy does, she says you should. It's better for you". Every day it's a new illness we need to treat because their mother has made a mountain out of molehill, a new thing they want because mommy said they need it to survive (a hot water bottle or a body pillow).or a new battle over bed times or bath times because "mommy doens't make us do that" . The end result is 5 years of trying to anticipate where the next comment is going to come from and I hate that in the past I found myself putting way more effort into making sure things like lunches, outfits, bed times, and homework get done a perfectly as possible when we have all 5 kids with us just so I minmize what we would hear about next. Now I am a firm believer in not adjusting our behaviours to suit BM's or trying to please her so we do things our way in our home but it's like I still feel they have to be the best of our way if that makes sense just to avoid more drama. No matter what though we will hear about something at drop off. Things like "You know, the kids said they really aren't loving the lunches you make them...they are used to eating so differently at my house since I make everything from scratch...I guess they will just have to get used to it".
I am at the point where I have stopped caring what she thinks, but it still hurts like hell when despite all efforts and all love that I have to give given, I am still talked down to by the children on behalf of their mom. We have talked with them about two different households, two different ways of doing things but it doesn't help. We have asked her to stop using the kids as messengers to push her various agendas and requests but she knows there is nothing we can really do to stop her so she continues and.so here I am; happy as hell that it's Tuesday, that tonight the only mommy being talked about will be me, and yet missing my step kids too and feeling guilty at my own sense of relief.
Sorry for the rant.