DH is flip flopping and I'm PISSED
Ok for those who need back story:
https://www.steptalk.org/forum/general-discussion/sds-mom-said-something...
https://www.steptalk.org/forum/general-discussion/day-2-summer-sd-came-h...
https://www.steptalk.org/forum/general-discussion/day-2-summer-sd-part-2...
This was all the day before SD came to visit to literally 2 days IN to her visit with DH.
So, initially DH said that he would prefer SD16 not come on our summer trip, that if she calls the week before, to come back, she'd not be allowed to go, he knows that nobody WANTS SD to be there, and he said that if she was to go, that he'd not mind driving her home, it's only 2 hrs away. well now, he's all talking about he can't not let her come on our family trip, she is family (*insert eyeroll* well she sure didn't seem like she wanted to be family when she decided to leave). I am REALLY hoping that she doesn't call and want to come. life has LITERALLY been so pleasant without her here this summer.
DH was ALSO wanting to take SD to lunch a few times while she was at her mom's, and I know he has called to offer, but I don't think shes taken him up on that offer... She's literally a bitch... I have never felt THIS much hatred for a person, she seeks to destroy any hope that I have had in even WANTING this family to blend.
He has a really warped sense
He has a really warped sense of family and parenting. I can see why you are frustrated beyond belief with him. Put your foot down and say no to her coming this time. Maybe when he can get straight with her you might entertain her coming along but this time it's a big fat no. I'd also make it so he totally understands that to piss you off over this will be way more painful in the long run than if he chooses to bring her.
I don't know how. I don't
I don't know how. I don't want her there, and he KNOWS that, but he wants his daughter there, but also doesn't... so he's torn, and I get it, but DAMN how much do my daughters and I have to put up with? Do I just move out?I love him, I have been with him for 10 years, we've BUILT this family together for 10 years, we've tried to blend his daughter in, but she REFUSES and then throws a pissy baby tanrum when we call her on it.
Tell him just that - that it
Tell him just that - that it's not fair on your daughters to have their holiday ruined and that if he so desperately wants to vacation with his daughter, he can do it separately and far away from you and yours.
Just say NO
SD can not come, no one wants her No one wants to deal with her
I could never say no to my
I could never say no to my husband about SS coming to visit. As much as I despise that kid and as much as I wish he wouldn't come and I know that deep down (really not that deep) DH is fed up too.
I would never forgive my husband if he told me he didn't want my kids around, I could never say those words out loud to him either.
I love my DH so much. He is such a good man and my best friend. I could never hurt him like that.
and thats how my personality is too
I am having a HORRIBLE time trying to figure out HOW to say this. I don't like hurting peoples feelings that I DONT like, but my husband, the one I have been trying to build our family with? My kids are pissed at SD over this, my youngest (17) has finally seen that SD really only uses her, and her relationship with her is a shallow superficial relationship, that SD uses her because she sees her as a person of power, shes smart, pretty, outgoing, and popular. DD18 is smart, pretty and a great person, but she isn't popular, shes a bit awkward, and not very confident, so she sees her as not very powerful, so she doesn't cling to her like that. She seeks out anyone who she sees as a powerful person and clings to them to put her in a place of power, but the problem is that shes a weak person, physically, mentally, and emotionally, so shes ALWAYS throwing fits, ALWAYS getting "hurt" (she literally SCREAMED as if someone is sawing her arm off when she fell off her hammock that was MAYBE 6 inches off of the floor), DH asks her to help with his work, and carry mic/speaker cables from the garage to the back of his van, she cmplains that it is too heavy, DH gave her the EASIEST job, he could have done it himself, but asked her to do it so that he has an excuse to spend time with him. I just can't stand the way she treats everyone here like we are lower than her for some reason. EVERYTHING she does makes me like her less and less, and I have been here for 10 years, so you can only IMAGINE how much I don't like her. She emotionally rips EVERYONE apart in this house, and I've HAD IT, but like you I don't know how I can tell DH that I don't want his daughter on our family vacation.
My OSD was like this
My OSD was like this absolutely. SCREAMED bloody murder if she so much as scraped her knee with no blood. I gave up on helping her when she was sick or anything because you could never tell what was REALLY a problem because they were ALL a nightmare. God help me it I actually tried to put a non-painful ointment on something. Even a sunburn one time (no blisters) caused a sceraming fit when she was 12. I finally just told DH to put her in a cold bath....which she screamed at in refusal as well.
And "I can't open this water bottle/can/lift the newspaper/clean the pot....etc. etc." because it's TOO HEAVY/TOO HARD TO OPEN/TOO CONFUSING TO OPEN...etc. I just started refusing to help - "No, it's not too (insert something here). You can do it yourself."
Drama queen, wants everyone to do it for her, etc. Disengage. I never did allow her to 'rip' anyone apart though. I called her out on that every single time. She still did it though out of earshot. She's a mean girl and there's no changing it.
Once DH started pushinng back on her when she was 13 she decided she hated him, with the support of BM of course, and left. Classic PA.
We took OSD on a family vaca when she was 15. I didn't want EITHER SD to go actually. But he insisted. OK then, DH - you get to pay for ALL costs related to the SDs. That includes food and fun stuff and travel costs. I will not cover those costs. I will not help you with them, you can figure out food, travel, behavior issues. I will not step in. OSD noticed this and asked once "Why won't YOU pay?" Because OSD, your dad and I worked some stuff out for this trip. If she goes and you cannot stop it you do NOTHING to help with her. And feel free to do something on your own. Leave the room (get your own room if you can if things deteriorate!), go off and do fun stuff by yourself!
When you have a child that
When you have a child that acts like that towards the whole family it's easy to say no. BTDT. The kids will appreciate being put first for once.