Yes, yes and YES!
I have some unbelievable nightmare stories, I love my DH and his kids with all my heart and looking at things from their perspective was really hard to do.
Seven years of pure hell sometimes, the only solace I could take was that they would come of age and move on, DH and I would kick back and dream about life after kids!
I had the 'guilty daddy' on my hands and the kids took total advantage of it. I rationalized that I would probably defend my own kids too under some circumstances, it's a natural thing as a parent.
I disengaged from dealing with the kids because of the conflict it caused, I referred them to their dad when they wanted something. I did not issue consequences, they'd see them soon enough! DH finally toughened up on them when he saw the reality of the situation, HE was having to deal with them instead of me. It was not the best solution but he was consistent with them and I did not interfere at all. We finally did work together on some of the issues, DH GAVE SS, 17 at the time, $500 towards a hair brained scheme of his mother's to get him a car and did not consult with me about it. Guess who's sporting a nice new diamond to replace the one that came loose and went down a drain! I think that was lesson enough for DH, it was something we'd planned on getting but I hastened the purchase.
It takes time to 'blend' and it's a huge adjustment for everyone involved. When anyone passed less than complimentary remarks I'd say 'just because you said that does not mean it's true' and other such statements that validated me as a woman, wife and she who must be obeyed...OK...I made up the last part :o)
It takes a lot of courage to be a step mother, and it takes a whole lot more to maintain a marraige through difficult times. I have a huge amount of respect for those who see relationships through the most difficult of times.
Come on here and vent whenever you need to, it helps me enormously just to know I am not the only one in this situation and if we can support each other then life is good. I do not advocate leaving, or divorce, just because we have ingrate little Mphukkas to deal with. They will have to make their own way in life soon enough, they might even find themselves coming back to us for advice on very similar situations! (huge chuckle).

I stay.......I stay eventhough I am so unhappy and can't stand going home. I stay because of all the hell I would put everyone through. The kids would be torn and sad. I fake that I am happy. Everytime my DH is a jerk and makes me feel like crap......I tell myself to "remember" this. But somehow I am here..........12 years later. I have learned that I just don't matter and my kids happiness does.

This is not a good way to live, I know a lot of people who left and are living the way life is meant.........if you are that unhappy - be one of those people; not like me!

I stayed, and I have no regrets. When I think how far I have come with my DH it astounds me! It wasn't easy, and I have had to put alot of things behind me, like BM calling me a bitch in front of my DH and kids and saying how I was jealous, and DH didn't even stand up for me. I remember how bad things use to be with my SS11 and even though he annoys me and he is still manipulative, and still tries to be rude with me when my MIL is around, he is not as bad when he is in my house. There were times when he would say things like I am going to make my dad fight with you (he was like 7 at the time). He might do it behind my back but not in front. But love is work and you can't help the one you love and nothing, not a BM or Stepkids should interfere.

i was tempted to leave many times. because of sd and all her bs. i would have left a few years ago if we hadn't had bs3. sd moved in when he was 8mos old. he is the ONLY reason i stayed. i'm glad now i did, because she's 19 and out of our daily lives, so things are much better. but without bs, waiting for her to become of age would have been too long. way too long.