DISENGAGING and it feels SO good
Three month ago ive posted about me discussing with my wife how I'd like to disengage with my SD10 & SS9 and she was pissed. But it has been GREAT.
They're sleep when i leave and come home from work, which isnt a change. But on the weekends they're either at a friends/relatives house or with mom in the livingroom. Im either hanging with wife or friends or doing some hobby. Im only around them for school or sport activities. Im not forced into "Family Movie Night" or going out to eat.
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DISENGAGING and it feels SO good
Submitted by Mr Meanie Man on Mon, 02/17/2020 - 5:16pm
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Three month ago ive posted about me discussing with my wife how I'd like to disengage with my SD10 & SS9 and she was pissed. But it has been GREAT.
They're sleep when i leave and come home from work, which isnt a change. But on the weekends they're either at a friends/relatives house or with mom in the livingroom. Im either hanging with wife or friends or doing some hobby. Im only around them for school or sport activities. Im not forced into "Family Movie Night" or going out to eat.
I still do for them when i want. Last week they had great report cards so i rewarded them with gifts we couldnt afford for Christmas. After talking with wife, we think i dont have a bond or feel the need to have on is because they're simply not mine.
Today i didnt have work and they didnt have school(wife was gone). Its like they've been trained to not bother me. My SS9 asked me about a snack this morning and thats it. I was able to watch a movie, read some chapters and even nap without being disturbed. We do our good mornings/nights, kisses and hugs b4 bed (when I'm around) and i love you's. SS asks to play video games together sometimes. I say no sometimes, only because thats literally all the kid does and i don't wanna enable him.
But this has been the best decision FOR ME. Dont really know or care how it effects the kids at this point. But my wife and i are good. She catered to me this Valentine's Day and spoiled me bcuz i "deserved" it. I literally almost ignore their existence, its awesome!!
Something about the way you
Something about the way you approach disengaging irks me. I suppose if I had to nail it down it's your flippancy and the fact that these kids are calling you Daddy and saying they love you and giving you kisses goodnight and s*#@.
Most of us are forced to disengage as a defense mechanism against being hurt emotionally or stressed beyond our capacity for being stressed. You, however, breeze along, with SK's treating you relatively great, and and say, you know what?I'm disengaging!
It just irks me I'm going to be honest. You make light of all the hardship and torture that some of us have to go through that makes us eventually have to decide to disengage.
Please read past post
I didn't want to go in detail about the past. Please read my numerous posts. This not out of nowhere. It sounds bad if you dont know the backstory thx
Are you for real?!!
I don't know why but I feel the same way like it's not quite real.
Similar situation
Four years in and ive learned that they will never look at me as anything but thier father's new wife. At this point i don't care because i have no kids of my own and dont know how to be a parent. It just doesn't come natural. Instead of feeling hurt, annoyed, left out, i embraced it these last two years and things got SO much easier for me. Be there for her and support her and help or step in when needed but there's nothing as freeing as not caring anymore. Im with you on this and i read all of your previous posts. I wish you luck in all this. Respect yourself and theyll have to respect you. Eventually theyll grow to see you are a stable force in their lives and appreciate you as they get older.
"Trained to not bother me."
"Trained to not bother me."
I agree. I noticed that as well. The kid may be batshit insane every other second of the day, but not if I'm in the room. The kid may be as needy as an infant, but doesn't ask me for things. It's the only point of discipline in the kid's life. It is nice though, I forge that she exists until the banging against the wall starts. It's the same every day though. Wife comes home, becomes increasingly disappointed with her own kid. I shelter baby from the behavior (we have a big house). We eat dinner that I cook, stepkid never comes to the table to eat. Bath for baby, bed, next day.
While I recognize that in
While I recognize that in some situations disengaging is a viable option, generally I am not a fan. I don't find abandoning a significant portion of daily existence in ones own home to make much sense.
"Lets get married, make a life together ainnd share everthing as equity life partners... except... XYZ & LMNOP and this thing, and that thing, and of course I will not be envolved in this other thing, and you won't be involved in............"
I would not be a part of a marriage where either I or my spouse unplugged from portions of our life together.
Just my thoughts of course.