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Help please

Libra85's picture

Please help me

any advice 

my stepdaughter lies and lies and lies

shes 11

she is pooing herself. Hiding it

she has been seen by a paediatrician and had several tests done to ensure nothing medical.

clearly behavioural. Her dad is great and her mum also tries very hard this been an ongoing issue since before I came on the scene 4 years ago.

Yesterday she lied to my face screamed and kicked about it and tried to leave the house. I gave  her one last chance to tell me the truth which she did and I told her I was disappointed and disgusted that she lied to me and continued to lie even when o told her I don't care about the answer just please

dknt lie.

i have never shown anger towards her about it and I think she was so shocked that I went mental at her she has bent over backwards to try and impress me for the rest of the weekend.

i have ignored her I'm sad to say.

she begged me not to tell her mother.

Obviously I did 

I can't deal with it anymore. Told her mother something is seriously wrong and she needs to talk to a counsellor or psychiatrist to get to the bottom of this.

obviously this is a long story cut very short but I jut don't know what to do.

also it's not my place to either! I'm not her parent!

please please please help me

 I'm loosing sleep over it 

UpgradeWife's picture


Maxwell09's picture

Currently going through this phase but my bio just turned five. He's been potty trained since he was two though so I am right there with you on the frustration level. I brought him to the pediatrician because I had looked up so many things worried it might be something serious and naturally I found some kind of illness that matched his behavior. Turns out the pediatrician said that he just doesn't want to stop what he is doing to go to the bathroom. Usually what they are already doing isn't as fun as going to the bathroom so they'd rather just soil themselves than take a quick break. His solution was for us to put BS on a timer and have him go sit on the toilet every hour whether he needed to go or not. I think you should try this approach too. In theory they will learn to pause what they are doing to take care of business. I know since your skid is older she will likely throw a fit but you can always put it out there "well SD until your accidents stop we need to keep you on a timer" this will hopefully motivate her because itll be cutting in to her time. Also I was advised to make BS start helping clean up the mess. Make him pick up the soiled clothing/bedding/whatever, make him help apply the stain/odor remover and put it in the wash and then also clean the floor. I handle spraying and wiping because I am a clean freak but I do make him use the wetjet and go back over the floor too. When the kids realize it is double the work and time to clean up their mess they will opt to take the quick pause to run to the bathroom instead. Supposedly.....we are a week in and while we are doing much better (no poop accidents knock on wood) I found a puddle on the floor not even an hour ago. I took screens away for the evening and made him clean it up like I mentioned above.

SteppedOut's picture

I mean it stinks you are dealing with this also...but your kid is 5, and, well, your kid. It makes a huge difference! 

OP, are you sure you want to deal with this unruly person for the rest of your life? Dont kid yourself into thinking you just have to hold out until she is 18 - this will never end. 

No way I could live with someone that crapped themself. Disgusting. Nope. 

Thumper's picture

Find your own place to live???

Sorry your going thru this...

Maxwells idea about a timer is a GREAT idea. Even if sitting on the potty (by dad of course/ not by you) is all that happens until the child gets it.

You go number 2 then you can play...

No playing until you use the potty.

justmakingthebest's picture

So my first take from this is that - You were able to talk to BM directly. She also acknowledges that there is a problem and wants her to go to counseling.


I understand your anger and frustration. I would be over the moon disgusted. I had to deal with this with SS20 for a while when he first moved in with us. He would hold it until he shit his pants (he was 18 at the time- but has autism). He also lied about it and would hide his underwear. Believe me when I say that flipping out was putting it kindly as to how I reacted. The final time I found his crap underwear I bought him adult diapers and told him that if it happened again I was taking away all of his underwear, making him wear diapers and I was going to get him a potty training watch until he could handle going to the bathroom. It worked.

I do think that your SD needs counseling- I also think she needs to be punished. If your DH and BM are all working together on this issue with you- you have hope. 

Is there any chance this could be a sensory thing with her? I know that was my SS's issue. Maybe try the idea of pull ups and a potty watch for her? She will probably be so embarrassed by it that she will go to the bathroom.