I know there is nothing I can really do about any of this but I just need to share it I guess because I feel as though I am about to go crazy. I am becoming a miserable person and maybe it’s because I don’t have anyone I can talk to about this. So here it goes….

I have a 7 year old son and a 7 - almost 8 year old SS. They are completely different in every way imaginable. Physically my son is very small for his age (he has to start seeing a growth specialist in 4 months) and SS is very large for his age (above the growth chart). Mentally my son is more of a “daydreaming happy-go-lucky” guy and very independent. SS is a very smart, mostly moody guy and very dependent on his father! I have my son 4 nights a week and he spends 3 nights a week with his dad (we both basically get to see him everyday). SS lives with us full time. Most of the time he goes to his mothers on the weekends (mostly, some of the time she won’t take him).

When DH and I first moved in together his son was 5 and mine was soon turning 5. Things were really good at first. The boys got along (obviously - what fun to have a live in playmate). After a few weeks minor arguments started. No big deal. SS and I started off really great. DH used to work nights so it was just me and the kids at bedtime. Sometimes just me and SS. He used to tell me all the time that he loved me. Give me hugs. Very affectionate. However, a little over a year ago things changed drastically and I am not sure what happened. DH started working a day schedule. Ever since then SS has been nasty to everyone, except for his father. He is the only person in the house that he will even talk to. I mean by this that even if it is something as simple as wanting a drink, a snack…anything….he always makes sure he directs it to DH. Like, “daddy I am thirsty” “daddy, I want a snack” “daddy, what is “she” making for dinner”. If DH leaves to run out to the store, SS will ask me where’s my dad and if I say he ran out, what do you need buddy (just like that), in a nasty tone he will say to me “ I WANT my dad” and turn and leave the room and won’t come back out till he hears DH come back home. I thought at first this was a phase but it’s been going on for a year and a half now and it’s just getting worse and worse. He dropped something on my toe the other day and when I said ouch, he said “haha, you’re welcome”. I told him that wasn’t nice boy talk and he said “Thank you!”. If he were my own I would have smacked his butt right there. He has been telling my son on a daily basis lately that he hates him and one day he is going to kill him. DH never hears any of this and when I tell him he says they are kids, they are going to fight. It makes me sad because my son still loves having his buddy. Tells everyone he is his big brother. Loves him so much and SS is so mean to him. Makes fun of his size. Tells him he is dumb all the time (because my son doesn’t know as many things as he does because he is going into 3rd grade cause he started school early and my son is going to be repeating 1st grade this coming year again because of his maturity level. It makes me so angry. Most of the time when they fight I let them try to work it out on their own but it is becoming increasingly difficult because after working for 9 hours all day and coming home and constantly hearing all of this, I just want to run away. Don’t get me wrong, my son has his issues too!! But he is a nice boy!

I have recently contemplated going to therapy. We just got married two months ago. He is a great man and I love him so much. Yes, I even love my SS! Don’t get me wrong, he can be a really good kid but he has been such a manipulator lately. And with hearing Daddy daddy daddy all day long everyday I’m just want to scream. We couldn’t even have our wedding day without having to deal with SS up Daddy’s butt all day. He followed him around all day everywhere whining and pouting because he wasn’t getting daddy’s attention. I know he is a little boy and that’s his dad, but it’s really starting to bug me. DH goes to the bathroom, SS is standing outside the door waiting for him. DH is on the computer, SS pulls a chair up behind him and waits for him to get done. DH mows the lawn, SS walks the yard in circles waiting for him to get done. DH sits next to me on the couch, SS gets on top of him and starts rubbing daddy’s arm, trying to hold his hand etc… and starts putting on the “cute” with his daddddddyyyyyyy. I love you daddy. Daddy poooooo ( he’ll do and say exactly that). DH is talking to me, SS is interrupting. It’s not like DH ignores him. He plays with him on a daily basis. Listens to all his stories. Asks him about his day (when there is summer camp or school), he is very attentive. I know because of SS’s mother, he may be feeling like something is missing and it is really distressing. Whenever he comes back from his mothers he is at his worst moody attitude possible. I dread Sunday afternoons! DH doesn’t see any of this. It doesn’t seem to phase him one bit. I know if I said something he would get defensive and that bothers me but I really am going to lose my mind. I do everything for this little boy. I get him dressed every day. I give him breakfast. I make his bed. I pack his lunch. I make him dinner. I try to be affectionate. I tell him to have a good day every single day and hug him goodbye when he will allow me to and I feel like he hates me. It scares me for not only our relationship in the future but I am so scared that my son is going to be affected by his attitude toward everyone as well. And that has only become a concern of mine over the past month (after the wedding).

SS has told me the only person he likes is his dad. Sometimes I feel like he has a little bit of an obsession with him due to his actions. It concerns me.

We were on our way to the beach the other day and we were going through a not so nice part of town and SS asked if that was where we were going. Jokingly I said, yeah..isn’t it nice, don’t you want to stay here and he said “NO! Why don’t we stop the car and you get out and YOU can stay here”….to ME!! I had to do everything in my power to bite my lip and not say anything back. Sometimes when DH does hear something like that he is so shocked that it came out of SS’s mouth and he is “impressed” that SS would even think of something like that so he still doesn’t say anything to reprimand him or explain why that wasn’t nice to say. I feel like all I am doing lately is losing my patience and getting loud (which until about a week ago I never did. I have always maintained my cool) and it’s really upsetting me. My SS is going to grow up HATING ME and my own son is going to resent me because he is going to remember his childhood as “my mom was always in a bad mood”. I’m tired. I’m stressed and I needed to vent.