Seriously--This Child Is Going To Make Me Miss Heaven
I try to do what is right. We go to church as a family, my husband is a deacon, I'm a former school teacher, and try to treat people like I want to be treated. I like having a nice home, &for things to not be torn up, dirty or broken. I have no kids. My new husband has one. She's been told not to bother my things. We have locked up most of my nice dishes, and other things so they won't be broken. We put my furniture in storage for the same reason. She's broken one of my porcelain fixures, tore up my blinds, takes things, lied numerous times, wastes food, gets into the fridge with dirty hands, had us in a meeting with our pastor concerning her bullying kids at church last night, and the list goes on. My husband talks to her and takes away the tv. We spend over $300. a month in daycare for a 12 yr old because she can't be home after school for 30 min until we arrive. My husband wants to try her at home this week, to see if she can be there without bothering anything. I took all my things down in the kitchen (dishes, knives, canisters)that could be broken or she could hurt herself with and locked them up. All the doors in the house are locked except for her room &bathroom. I just hate living like this and haven't had to ever. I've posted on a similiar topic before, so I guess I'm just venting. I'm really concerned that my not wanting to see her or hear her voice will keep me from going to a better place & cause me to move. And I hate having my life altered for a child who will not do what she is told. I was raised to not bother other people's things. Now when people come over, my house looks bare and less decorative because I can't put stuff out because of her possibly breaking or taking something.My husband bought me a mini fridge to keep her out of my stuff, which I'm thankful for. It wasn't like this before she came around. I knew my husband had a daughter, but she was always at a babysitters or family when we would go out on dates. Oh well, thank you for reading. I have no one to talk to about it. My mom won't listen and says I should just deal with it because she's a child, my Grandmother says the same thing, &our pastor said that God can work all things out, and offerred us counseling. Sorry this is so long. I feel like leaving in January because I don't like living stressed and like I am being punished and can't decorate or have food out in the fridge because of a child.
that is very frustrating! i
that is very frustrating!
i was reading your post and thought that about i have started to put up everything now that we have a toddler living in the house. But 12 years old! :jawdrop:
i can see her being nosey. she's probably curious but still. you shouldn't have to feel like you have to put everything you own up. very irritating.
but to give you some perspective i have to do this with my toddler. i realize she's older but it will get better. just ask yourself if your family is worth this inconvenience.
I totally agree Cheri.
I totally agree Cheri.
" My mom won't listen and
" My mom won't listen and says I should just deal with it because she's a child, my Grandmother says the same thing, &our pastor said that God can work all things out, and offerred us counseling."
Fist, let me say, that I am very religious. I go to church weekly. I send my DS to our church's school. I volunteer every year at VBS and I help with the kid's choir and their Christmas Program.
I do think therapy will be helpful - just not from your pastor. GOS is great and he CAN work miracles. However, unless your pastor has a degree in child psychology, then all his good intentions won't be able to help your family fix a damaged child.
Also, your mom and grandma's advice isn't the best. "deal with it because she's a child" ?!?!?! That idea *might* work with a kid who has no mental health issues.
That "child" won't always be 12. Remember the saying, "Can't teach an old dog new tricks"? The earlier your SD gets help, the better her life will be - and the easier your life will get.
Do you like children? Like
Do you like children? Like children in general, other than your SD? Having to strip down your home because of a 12 year old is NOT normal. You need to figure out how much of this is a) you never having been around children and not knowing what to expect or b) the child has some sort of mental disorder and is undiagnosed or c) the child acts like Helen Keller (the black and white movie) because she has been given free reign by her parents.
No her mother is not in the
No her mother is not in the picture. Her mother (husband's exwife) gave her up at 3 months old. Her father has had to work and was a single father of three (the mom lost custody of her other two kids too). Hubby's other two girls are living on their own now, we have the youngest. The mom has since had three other children with three other men. She won't work or pay support and doesn't want to see the child. We have the 12 year old in counseling, and I'm not sure it's working. Haven't seen any benefit, but will keep her there. Doc says she's acting out for attention and because her mom's not around. She's not used to seeing stuff women have in the house I guess. I dunno. But at the risk of having stuff broken, or her getting constant spankings, I put my stuff up. I will eventually put it back out. I can't live like this in a place where I pay bills. The child's mother lost custody and makes promises to come by for birthdays and stuff and never shows up. Grandma took the child over to her mom's on her birthday (the child's) and mom knew they were coming. Mom never opened the door and we could hear mom and her other children inside the trailor.
Yes I like kids. I'm sorry, while venting and feeling so overwhelmed yesterday, I may have left out a little bit. I saw the child at church prior to our marriage but for only small portions. She went to children's church. We had maybe 5-10 dinners (after church) together the entire time her father and I were dating (1yr and 1/2). I lived in a different town, about an hour and a half away. So he would visit and then go back home to care for his daughter. I saw her, and she seemed well adjusted. We spend holidays in different places. Daughter always went to help Grandma make cookies and stuff in another city for Christmas and Thanksgiving. I saw her at the 4th of July and other gatherings, but she was always out playing with kids, came over to say hello, made me cards for holidays, but that was pretty much it. But what I saw was only on the surface. I just found out (now that we are married) that while we were dating the child jumped out of the second floor window, hit her head, then went wandering around the neighborhood not knowing who she was or who her parents were. She eventually regained all of that information. I just wished I knew more about her behavior before now. But again, all I saw (looking back in hindsight) was surface stuff. At that time I thought she seemed well adjusted. I really did. Thank you for all the helpful suggestions pertaining to what I can do now that I am in this situation have been the most helpful. I can do nothing now about what went on prior. My mother does that. It's kinda like telling someone, "I told you so." There is nothing I can do now, about what I didn't know...until now. Have a blessed day.