So without going into too much detail.

I'm 30 and in a wheelchair so living in a house with a three yr old who listens and is co-operative is important. I don't want to be living with a 6 yr old who thinks he can run all over me and just general not listen cos I'm in a wheelchair, why should I listen cos he's in a wheelchair sorta thing... so yeah me and girlfriend have been going out for 1 1/2 years -- known each other nearly 2 years, I'm thinking of moving overseas more permanently to be with her .. right now I just go over for 6 months at a time, half my time there/half her -- she lives in the Philippines, me Australia. I'm doing it cos she is worth it, she and her son make happy... she knows this as I've told her. Everything is great, I love her but we do argue a bit and it's always about her son. I think children need a routine of some sort - even if its just a night routine, a set bedtime etc etc... right now the 3 yr old does what he wants, goes to sleep when he wants/eats what he wants and means refusing food if he doesn't like the colour of it/very attached to his mum/just generally is the king of the house no rules or limits -- I don't think he has had any rules/limits in his little short life. I want him to have a bedtime as well as seeing as we are moving in together for me and my girlfriend to together set some house rules - for the little boy and us to follow.

Right now if I hear see or see him up late awake playing, I will say its 10pm you better get him into bed soon, its getting late. My girlfriend will either say "ahh he's just a kid, let him play" or "yes master" like trying to boss her around or something. I suppose I might sound annoying I can't help it as I feel so involved, the little boy calls me dad and I've been paying the rent in the house they live at for the last 5 months ... its the house I will be staying for 6 months in 4 weeks... that said I've been told by some that I'm not his real father, I have no say in anything regarding my girlfriends son but if we are going to share a house and live together I find that hard to just not say anything regarding her little boy. All I'm asking for mainly is a regular set bedtime for him, so me and my girlfriend have 2 hours of quality nights -- without having to stay up till midnight and the early hours of the morning to get it.... as for house rules I think if we are going to live together and do stuff as a family I have a right to say there a certain rules -my girlfriend too, we are all equal when it comes to that- right?

After 2 hours of talking my girlfriend sees where I'm coming from, she understand why I mention routines and consistency being very important... but it doesn't sink in cos she forgets or doesn't follow through next time the little boy is awake playing at 10:30pm, then I get annoyed and remind her about what we talked about (routines/consistency etc etc) -- then she either defends the kid "ahh he's just a kid, let him play" or has a sly go at me, that she says was just a joke like "yes master" kinda thing -- that is followed by a 2 hour talk about why routines/consistency are so important -- rinse and repeat.

I have tried Supernanny youtube clips were she talks about bedtime and explains methods of getting little ones to bed. I it might be good coming from someone other than me but although it had a positive impact -- following through we any of it was the problem... I'm not sure what to do but seeing as I will over there for 6 months in 4 weeks my girlfriend says it will be different this time and we will sit down and talk about everything when I arrive.... I really hope so but am not sure what I'm gonna say when asked what I want in terms of routine? .. I think its best to keep it simple, just a night routine -shower time before dinner or straight after dinner, me and girlfriends son can have a play, read a book or chat before bed at 7:30pm to 8pm - no ipads/no mobile phones etc etc and then its bedtime. But I think I will mainly keep it simple cos I'm gonna really want her to be consistent with the house rules we decide and routines for the little boy. Consistency is key.

The only thing I got in my favor is I know she likes me being a father figure to her little boy, its why we don't mind him calling me dad .. she didn't tell him to, a half British/half Filipino baby called me daddy -his dad is white, I was the only white guy in building haha- earlier this year and my girlfriends son copied him. Also cos the father split as soon as my girlfriend was pregnant, she has never seen him since -her son has never meet him and we are getting very serious, if everything regarding this goes I'm thinking of asking her to marry me - we decided to let her son call me dad, after all I don't mind - I like being a role model, a father figure..... but one thing I did say was if we are going to live together and I'm gonna be dad, I've got be involved in parenting matters.

If I feel like I'm not involved in parenting matters and just in general not listened to, we gotta live separately and we can just 'date' and do boyfriend/girlfriend stuff, nothing too serious like living together with a growing little boy in the house. If we can't live together cos my girlfriend wants to stick to her parenting style, it would be a really good solution ---- I won't be living we them everyday and be annoying saying that "its time for his bed an hour ago, its 10pm.." or "don't let him nap at 5pm, he will find it hard to go to bed at 9pm, he won't be tired.." .. cos I would prefer living together and just giving the little boy a bedtime/some house rules - it would be best for us long term but if that can't happen we can just live separately and just 'date'/ have fun and not get too serious about our long term future -enjoy today.

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That said am I ever going to be treated equally when it comes to parenting matters, I'm talking about the long term here?

Or will my girlfriend even if she agrees on a night routine/house rules, will she always automatically get defensive when parenting matters are raised?

You know, will tend to naturally revert back what worked before for her, no routine/late nights/a child asleep till 11am etc etc -even if agree otherwise?

Even tho I believe her when she says she wants us 3 to be a family in the future and that she loves me etc etc ..... I feel like it will always be an issue, in the back of her mind -- my girlfriend raised him from birth - who am I to tell her how to raise her child.. and I'm gonna say that maybe we should try this routine or do that slightly different cos it will be best for us etc etc, if I'm called dad I'm gonna act like a parent... I want my girlfriend to understand that.

Should I of waited till my girlfriend realized that things need to change, rather than trying help change and pointing her the right direction?