So this was my birthday Breakfast
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MIL was over this morning to cook a birthday breakfast for me. She planned and brought everything over.
In the middle of us cooking(she needs guidance around my kitchen lol) she interrupts me midsentence and makes a phonecall to BM2 which lasts an hour!!! Then proceeds to call several of her friends(another hour!!) while serving SS12 his catered sandwich in bed and asking him what he wants next to it then scuryyin to get it servant style. All the while bragging about all the great things she is cooking for her sons family.
Umm...what do you gals think?
Sounds pretty passive
Sounds pretty passive aggressive behaviour on her part. If she ever offers again to do something similar, I'd just politely decline.
i could not have said this
i could not have said this better. passive aggressive. down right mean.
dont let her into your kitchen again and try to keep her guest visits at a minimum.
Next time tell MIL - no thank
Next time tell MIL - no thank you do not have to come over and cook me anything, I'm capable of cooking myself,
MIL is showing you who's in control of your house, she is... there's no way in hell I will allow another woman cooking in my kitchen, it's my kitchen.... and yes not even my mother dares cooking in my kitchen, just as I do not dare cooking in her kitchen.
Acra The hubs cooks ...(why
Acra
The hubs cooks ...(why am I even on ST. LOL).In fact his chosen Xmas presen was a giant cast iron pan!!!
It was my house before i met him so there is no doubt who the mistress is(this gal right here-pointing at myself).
As mils go she is extra snowflake special with a shot of cray added.
YOu house - Hubs moved in
YOu house - Hubs moved in with you and you allow his mother to walk around in your house chatting to her Ex DIL...
what's wrong with you..... I do not even allow my MIL to enter my house, cause she's way to nosy... and I stopped her from doing in SO's cottage what ever she wants, sorry there's only one alpha female per house....
thats the key here. only one
thats the key here.
only one alpha female. the female skids wanted to band together to get me to leave my own house and marriage.
i stood my ground and all the skids are out. it was not easy.
the skids are learning just how hard it is living on their own.
How lovely she comes over to
How lovely she comes over to make you breakfast, and midsentence she makes hour long phone calls to the ex wife and friends. Totally rude, and showing you that you are not important.
As nice as it is to come over and cook for you on your birthday, who gets treated like the queen? SS does. Breakfast in bed. Not that you wanted that, LOL, from your MIL. however, that just is weird.
Yes i still haven't gotten
Yes i still haven't gotten over servant grandma.
Mil serving me breakfast in bed...eee ..NOPE!
Does she have a mild form of
Does she have a mild form of senility?? LOL - because this is all a bit whacky.
I do believe she has good intentions in wanting to spoil you with a birthday breakfast. The execution of this intention was a bit wonky. (Happy birthday, btw!! I hope it was happy and blessed and that you DID get something to eat in the end
)
There is a saying about too many cooks in one kitchen. Remember it for next time.
This is probably NOT the way you operate in your own kitchen. It could be that she does cook this way. Where it may seem normal to concentrate on the task at hand and not have side chats and brag to others about the feast she is preparing while leaving you to drool and starve on low blood sugar, her MO may be to be all over the place when she cooks...
Be thankful for her offer. Grateful for the food. Remember for next time: one cook in the kitchen and that is YOU. That lesson in itself is a gift
(Happy birthday - even if belated!!)
Thank you for Bday wishes! I
Thank you for Bday wishes!
I ate a bagel before she came-mmm yum(shes not a very good cook lol)
I do believe she is cray cray(see below about how she does things)
She does operate like that habitually(on phone etc.) in her own kitchen
Actually that one cook would be hubs (he took over the kitchen when he moved in and I didnt say no).He is an excellent cook(no doubt bc he had to eat her cooking Lol).I buy the food he cooks it.
She truly is a
She truly is a monster-in-law. The next time she wants to come over to cook tell her you prefer to go out to eat. I do not like people cooking in my kitchen period so this would never happen in my house. And she calls people while she is doing it, that is calculating. She sounds devious. Hope she didn't ruin your birthday. Happy Birthday
i agree. to make someone a
i agree. to make someone a birthday meal is doing two things.
giving that person your attention and company plus the nice meal.
what mil did is the equivalent of inviting you to a lunch at a restaurant and then inviting ss and ex dil. rude.
She has done that for
She has done that for thanksgiving dinner yr1(not out but at her house)
Thanks for bday wishes. No
Thanks for bday wishes.
No she did not ruin anything.(annoying vvannoying)
I went in my kitchen and grabbed what I wanted(some of it did not look appetizing)while she was on the phone.
I also told her thank you for my gift and how wonderful right next to the phone(not actually true-that was just me messing with BMs head for a second-gotta get my fun in where I can lol)
Then after I ate I watched a creepy fave tv show and asked hubs to let her out bc I will go nap.(This was a few hours later-2 of spent by her on phone).
She has done some things before yet somehow continues to surprise me.
Wow. Just wow. Go buy
Wow. Just wow. Go buy yourself a great birthday present with a price tag that makes up for that hot mess.
Yes...maybe a jacuzzi
Yes...maybe a jacuzzi bathtub(we are redoing the bathroom but i had a cheap regular tub picked out before--Upgrade!)...mmm bubbles(already looked into it and will be birthday/xmas present)...also up the roi value of my house....mmmm bubbles
No way in hell would my MIL
No way in hell would my MIL get away with calling BM, in my home, the home that was mine waaaaaay before DH came along. I would have pointed to the door, to her, and back to the door. She’d be taking that tomfoolery outside and down the street in her car.
Either she’s seriously lacking tact and self-awareness, or she’s testing the waters with you to see how much she can control and get away with.
Damn. No. Just no.
Begin putting boundaries in
Begin putting boundaries in place in your own home. I latch the door, when I know SD57 (other woman in our marriage) is stopping by. I keep it latched, just in case. SD has to knock, wait until I go to the door. I do not hostess her and am "cool and civil", when she visits her Dad. I do not walk her to the door, when she leaves. She can show herself out. I have kindly put her in her place in my home.
I do use passive aggression towards my SD; she did it for 30+ years to me. I am now giving back, to let her know there is only one Alpha Female in this home. I let her know she is on "my territory" and will behave as such. If my SD does not show respect, I will open the door and tell her "I am quite busy and have no more time for you today, please leave". If DH doesn't like it, he's welcome to go right behind his daughter. They have been informed. Of course I'm labeled a "B...tch. Before my SD just walked in our home and totally took over everything; not now.
These are just a few suggestions on how I set my boundaries in my own home. Most of the time I am just too busy to have her drop by. She has been told to call or text DH before she drops by; which she does now.
My SD57 doesn't like these boundaries, which have been in place now for just over a year (since we moved away from her). End result, she doesn't come around much any more. Last year she stopped by less than once a month. Love my peace.
It is easy to set boundaries, it's very difficult to follow through on them. It gets easier and the results are worth it. My SD mistook my kindness for weakness; but now she is fully aware of just the opposite (mean and strong).
Do your MIL have ADD? If she
Do your MIL have ADD? If she does not then it certainly means that she could care less about you. Do not let her in your home again to do such things. That was extremely rude of her.
My ex MIL would go all out when she knew her ds, gks and I were coming over to visit them. She sometimes would prepare both a turkey and a ham. Who does that for 6 people? However, when dh was out of town, she would tell me I would invite you and gks over but all I can prepare are hot dogs. Really! I did not want to go over anyway, so that was fine by me.
Thank you all for the advice!
Thank you all for the advice! Feels good to be understood about these things! Yay! I might be sane after all!
Yes i believe she does have mentally something undiagnosed(I settle for just calling it cray cray).
When we used to go visit she would cook and be on the phone(at her house and not for 2 hours).My thought on that:casual visit +her house=she can be on the phone or whatever.If a formal occasion then NO regardless of location). Then she would remember wgile on the phone that she had to do something else, start that. Oh water is boiling....
She does everything On the phone in a circle with no beginning or end.(see below and imagine what it is like visiting her house.)
so when she asked to come over I said yes(she is not a very good cook/mil or mother so the bar was low in the first place).
I will not waste gas to eat simething she makes in her kitchen EEEWWWW(see above and imagine the house..or NOT LOL)
I do not allow Skids there overnight on our weekends or take them there to see her(hubs would be the one doing all the driving/taking-he does 95% of the wwork pertaining to them)
I do not hang out with her socially (I found her exhausting the few times i tried so i do not do that anymore)
However I will allow her to come over some Sunday mornings to visit the Skids bc she lives 40 mins away and Sunday is the only day shes in town.
SS6 especially misses her bc he was born in her house.(There are other extenuating circumstances here serious ebough for me to allow the visits to occur in my home occasionally)
Yes other incidents(mhmmm plural) have occurred with this latest being the mildest from her(mhmmn this was mild comparatively).
The compounded incidents are making me weigh the extebuatin circumstances against my needs.
Banning mil will be a difficult decision but hubs already assured me of his loyalty no matter my choice as she has treated him the same over the years.
Do your MIL have ADD? If she
Do your MIL have ADD? If she does not then it certainly means that she could care less about you. Do not let her in your home again to do such things. That was extremely rude of her.
My ex MIL would go all out when she knew her ds, gks and I were coming over to visit them. She sometimes would prepare both a turkey and a ham. Who does that for 6 people? However, when dh was out of town, she would tell me I would invite you and gks over but all I can prepare are hot dogs. Really! I did not want to go over anyway, so that was fine by me.