What iI you wish could be the relationship between our family and BM's fam
I really would love to go out to a cabin that has 2 cabins on a large property. We wouldn't have to all hang out, but we could, and it would be fun. In the evening's we could all hang out around the camp fire laughing about the dumb things DH does. SD and my kids go go off chasing the chickens. SD could choose which cabin to sleep in on different nights, and nobody would get their feelings hurt.
This is what I WISH could happen. Of course BM is so worried about dh getting any extra days than what's in the court order. DH and BM can't get along if their lives depended on it. BM is an awful person, I could get along with her, if I was forced too, but it would seriously be the worst time ever to be in that situation. SD (which I understand and don't have any hurt feelings over) feels very loyal to BM & would sleep in BM's cabin the whole time in fear to hurt her mother's feelings. She would only want to sit around playing with her half brother and would totally ignore my kids. All of which would defeat the whole purpose of getting a cabin close to her mother.
So in reality even if me and DH made the effort in doing it, it would not work out. Which does make me kinda sad.
Does anyone else here WISH your relationship with BM could be friendly? Do you wish the were no loyalty conflicts? That your skid could just feel as though she belongs to both families and that fact wouldn't hurt anyone feelings?
The title is supposed to read
The title is supposed to read "what I wish" I have a new phone and the "swipe" feature is pretty fickle
My SO and his ex actually
My SO and his ex actually have a pretty good relationship. They co-parent well together and are cooperative. I don't think the kids have a loyalty bind, but they're still pretty young. We don't say anything bad about BM and I really don't think she says anything bad about us. When they've asked me if I like their mommy, I give them the old "of course, how could I not like her, she made *you*" response. (In fact, I think she's a cheating whore for what she did to SO, although I have to admit she's a very good mother). SO and BM swap parenting times to accommodate each other, work together to facilitate vacations and truly put the kids first. They do joint birthday parties and SO and I are invited to her family's holidays (his family is far away, and although he went for the first year after they separated, we don't usually go now). I am not friends with BM, but we're friendly to each other, we're FB friends and being in the same place isn't the end of the world.
That said, I have no desire to vacation with her, or have a cabin next to her, and if she dropped off the face of the earth I'd be fine with that. The kids are enough reminder of the life he had without me - I don't need her as a constant reminder, too. However, I am very grateful that she is not one of the HCBMs I read about on this site, and I do hope our relationship continues to be friendly and cooperative.
When I first started dating
When I first started dating FH, before meeting his kids, and long before BM knew about me, I wanted the big birthday party for SS, with everyone invited. I had visions of sharing holidays, and all of us being his biggest cheerleaders at his sporting events. I didn't desire to be her friend, but if a friendship happened that would of been okay with me. Then reality hit me in the face, those things will NEVER happen. BM is a horrible person that I want nothing to do with. Even if she completely changed, and apoligized for all the h*ll she has put me and FH through I would never trust her, and she will never welcome in my home.
Yeah I think it went like this
Wish: A SD who liked me and wanted to be my friend and go and do girl things with since my only daughter is grown and lives 6 hours away.
Reality: She has never wanted me around and never wanted anything to do with me because of an intense jealousy over anyone in her fathers life other than her. DH thought it was cute she was jealous.
Wish: SD had a good realtionship with her mother.
Reality: SD has always lived with us and only on a few occasions went to visit her mother. I believe things would be different if she had a relationship with her mother but no one ever enforced visitation.
Wish: DH and BM would have parented their daughter--teach her right from wrong--show her how to be a functioning member of society
Reality: SD does whatever the F*** she wants and because has never been told no she can't accept it just does whatever no matter what she is told. No boundaries and no morals.