When BM's attack
I raise my step kids. All four of them. They are all boys and I love them. I think they are great kids and I think my DH did a good job doing it on his own for the past 2 1/2 years. The mom is a druggie and just now got done with court appointed classes and now wants to be back in the kids lives. My SO went to mediation and let her have every other weekend for five hours. We do exchanges at the police stations. She has proven to the court she is drug free and a fit mother (yea right) If she were a man this would be so different. But this isnt what I came to vent about. My SO put in the order that she was to not talk about me what so ever because the boys get confused about our relationship. She tries to say that I am manipulating them to not love her and to be honest I have never said one bad thing about her in front of her kids not once! So again not what I came to vent about. This weekend was their first visit with her. She told the kids im chubby and not very pretty so why does their dad like me he couldnt possibly love me with the way I look. I dont know what her deal is. I know stupid petty bullshit shouldnt bother me but man it made me look at myself like do I look like that. Her comment really embarassed me. I have been dealing with low self esteem but that didnt make it any better. I dont want to eat today lol because I am thinking to myself is everyone looking at what I am eating like o yea my mom said she was chubby and look at was she is eating no wonder she is chubby. ewwwww I hate mean people. This is their first visit and she is already saying negative petty bull shit and why do I care.
"Who says nasty things about
"Who says nasty things about someone who protects, loves, and takes care of their children..?" JEALOUS people do. Also people who don't want to look like the bad parents they are, so they bad-mouth the better parents.
Ignore the BM the real and
Ignore the BM the real and only person's thoughts about you that matters is you. Low self esteem is a horrible thing to get over the first step is recognizing the pattern and the next is combating it.
For me it took years of waking up and only thinking about positive things about me. I started wearing makreup and coloring my hair because it was something for me.
Currently my issue is weight as well- and trust me the thought of not eating, of making myself sick, etc have all popped into my thoughts. All of which are temp fixes, I need to give up the unhealthy foods and lifestyle- that is hard to do.
I read a post that said that step moms want to be liked. We set ourselves up thinking to be a good stepmom everyone must like us. We set ourselves up to fail.
Focus on keeping your relationships with your boys good and focus on doing little things for you.
Thanks you ladies have made
Thanks you ladies have made me feel better. My SO doesnt get why I let myself get so upset. My SO is the strong silent type he doesnt let anyone opinions make him feel bad or he at least doesnt talk about it or show it. So its hard for me to explain why I am embarassed. My kids are in the car hearing this woman pick me apart and then they come and tell me about it in front of my SO. I dont want him hearing these things. I mean he sees me naked so now I feel like all my flaws are pointed out with a big highlighter. By the way I know that is total nonsense. I know my flaws wont be pointed out and I know the next time he sees me naked he wont go running for the hills in horror and disgust but thats they way I feel right now. Since its mothers day his sister wants to take me out for dinner so I am going to put on a brave face and act really happy. I just hope tomorrow I wake up and laugh at it. Here is to hoping.........
Tell your DH that he needs to
Tell your DH that he needs to have a talk with the boys. If BM says mean things about you, they should not be telling you. They can tell DH but not you. Then at least he knows what a jerk she is. DH should also say to BM, "It is written in our agreement that you will not speak poorly of SM . Grow up and act like an adult. The more people that love the boys, the better...so don't try to alienate their stepmom because it only hurts them and makes you look bad."
I know how you feel. Even
I know how you feel. Even though I do not like BM, it still upsets me that she doesn't like me or says bad things about me. She puts down my job because I teach music and not a REAL subject (ok you don't have a job BM!!)
I hate that it bothers me. My
I hate that it bothers me. My moms words play in my head dont let the small things bother you............life is to short..............why give her the power blah blah blah but it really bothered me
Its not bothering me as much today but still embarrassed.
I hope you free yourself of
I hope you free yourself of this negative thought or embarrassment. To (help) raise someone else's children/ child is a Completely Selfless Act. It is one of the hardest and (I pray) most rewarding jobs. Our Future Depends on US.
What would I do without this
What would I do without this site?? I would lose my marbles if I had any left. Thanks you all are being so supportive and my SO just doesnt get why it upset me. You guys are the best! I will keep telling myself these things and fake it till I make it.