Her treatment of you will continue because your husband has proven and continues to prove that he will not change and he supports her. Do not let her move in. Sure he will push and bully and try to wear you down so his precious daughter can move in and treat you like crap but do not give into it. In fact nip it in the bud, suggest to him if he wants to live with his daughter so badly, then he needs to be the one to find a new place, do all the house hunting, pack up all the stuff, do all the change of address thing and all that goes with packing up and moving, once he sees he will have to put some effort into living with his daughter he will more than likely think twice about it. If you make it easy and walk out then he can feel like the victim.

Once he realizes that he has to do all the work, find a home for himself, his daughter and his grandchild, then he has to become husband and father to these two as well as indirectly support the prince in jail all by himself without you there to support him, his thinking will change. Having her there while you do most of the work and help her with the baby is more than likely very appealing to him, having to do it all on his own may not be so much. But if he chooses to leave and live with her instead of his wife, then what have you really lost, a man who wants to live with his daughter instead of his wife, not much really is it.

I would nip the taking her to dinner thing weekly quick smart. If you do this you encourage her to think daddy is a money box and she will continue to take money out. Have her over once a week, preferably once a fortnight for dinner as a compromise, but taking her out weekly for dinner.....Does he take you out weekly for dinner. If he does and this is your routine then I guess maybe once a fornight you could include her, but if he hasn't been in the habit of taking you out to weekly dinners, well please, that's not right.

God I hate this, what on earth is it that makes these men so weak and spineless. Funnyily enough my SD had a daddy voice, sprayed on clothes and boobs hanging out and daddy though she was the best, but if he saw anyone else dressed exactly the same way, well they were tramps, but for some reason he never saw her with the same eyes. I have children, I love my kids, but if my daughter and your daughter are wearing the same clothes I can see it. If your daughter is pregnant and unmarried and my daughter is pregnant and unmarried, I know. But not him, yours is a tramp, and his is another virgin birth.

Thank God I do not have to put up with her anymore the best thing I ever did was ban her from my home. Even though this is over for me I have not forgotten it, and I still get so very mad for the rest of you who are still living it, and I am aware that as long as she is alive she could come back for a second bite of the cherry any day I am not smug about this trust me, however once bitten, twice shy, if she ever tried I would put my feelings ahead of my husbands and I would not spend 8 years or 8 seconds trying to make it work, been there, done that, if daddy doesn't change, then daughter's behaviour doesnt change.

Welcome to the site! You are definitely among friends here. Do NOT....I repeat, DO NOT let SD22 move in under any circumstances. If she does, YOU and her dad will be raising this kid, not her. Trust me, I speak from experience. My SD and her kid live with us, and we pretty much take care of him fulltime while she gets to go be irresponsible. You'll do it because you don't want to see the baby mistreated or go without because of your lazy SD22.

I always say pick and choose your battles as a step-parent. On this one, dig in your heels. Don't let her move in or your live will be HELL.

Oh, this is so going to be me in a few years, I just know it.

She rang him and told him to bring a blank cheque and he is going to do it, okay this is good for your bio daughter. Your finances belong to the both of you and he has no right to give money to his daughter like that without your agreement, but he feels sorry for and wants to hand over the cash let him do it. My husand was also like this and the last straw came when he wanted to hand over $3500 to his princes becaus she wanted a new car with all the bells and whistles, we fought over it for a while and he tried to make me feel sorry for him because he wasn't living with his kids and all the usual shit. So, fortunately during the period when we for want of a better word were discussing this my daughter happened to mention they were paving their backyard, they were really happy as they had a quote for $3700 and this was covered by their tax refund. Well, I told my husband that night that he could give his princess the money, he was so happy he couldnt wait to ring her, as soon as he got off the phone I told him I will get $7000 out of the bank tomorrow, he looked shocked at first and then asked are you giving her $7,000 (it's all about her), and I said absolutely not, she has been given far more than any of the others and far, far more than her share. I am still giving her the $3,500 the other $3,500 is for my daughter, she is paving her backyard and I am giving her the money, and for the record from now on if one of yours gets a dollar, then one of mine is getting it to, I don't care if they don't need it, or if they don't want it, they will be getting it. Let's see how long we can keep giving away his kind of money shall we. Well we gave away the $7,000 that was about 7 and a half years ago, he has not given one red cent to any of his kids since let me tell you.

Fair is fair if his daughter gets a blank cheque, then so does yours. By the way please make him move out if it comes to that, don't make it easy on him let he and his daughter do all the hard yards of house hunting, and after not only will she not be able to because she has the baby to look after, she will be making all sorts of demands on him at the same time, let him know what real pressure is. And make sure the money is distributed fairly. If you don't want to hand it over to your daughter for some reason take it out and put it somewhere for yourself, but whatever his daughter gets your or your family should get to See how long he keeps giving her money under those rules.

She rang him and told him to bring a blank cheque and he is going to do it, okay this is good for your bio daughter. Your finances belong to the both of you and he has no right to give money to his daughter like that without your agreement, but he feels sorry for and wants to hand over the cash let him do it. My husand was also like this and the last straw came when he wanted to hand over $3500 to his princes becaus she wanted a new car with all the bells and whistles, we fought over it for a while and he tried to make me feel sorry for him because he wasn't living with his kids and all the usual shit. So, fortunately during the period when we for want of a better word were discussing this my daughter happened to mention they were paving their backyard, they were really happy as they had a quote for $3700 and this was covered by their tax refund. Well, I told my husband that night that he could give his princess the money, he was so happy he couldnt wait to ring her, as soon as he got off the phone I told him I will get $7000 out of the bank tomorrow, he looked shocked at first and then asked are you giving her $7,000 (it's all about her), and I said absolutely not, she has been given far more than any of the others and far, far more than her share. I am still giving her the $3,500 the other $3,500 is for my daughter, she is paving her backyard and I am giving her the money, and for the record from now on if one of yours gets a dollar, then one of mine is getting it to, I don't care if they don't need it, or if they don't want it, they will be getting it. Let's see how long we can keep giving away his kind of money shall we. Well we gave away the $7,000 that was about 7 and a half years ago, he has not given one red cent to any of his kids since let me tell you.

Fair is fair if his daughter gets a blank cheque, then so does yours. By the way please make him move out if it comes to that, don't make it easy on him let he and his daughter do all the hard yards of house hunting, and after not only will she not be able to because she has the baby to look after, she will be making all sorts of demands on him at the same time, let him know what real pressure is. And make sure the money is distributed fairly. If you don't want to hand it over to your daughter for some reason take it out and put it somewhere for yourself, but whatever his daughter gets your or your family should get to See how long he keeps giving her money under those rules.

She rang him and told him to bring a blank cheque and he is going to do it, okay this is good for your bio daughter. Your finances belong to the both of you and he has no right to give money to his daughter like that without your agreement, but he feels sorry for and wants to hand over the cash let him do it. My husand was also like this and the last straw came when he wanted to hand over $3500 to his princes becaus she wanted a new car with all the bells and whistles, we fought over it for a while and he tried to make me feel sorry for him because he wasn't living with his kids and all the usual shit. So, fortunately during the period when we for want of a better word were discussing this my daughter happened to mention they were paving their backyard, they were really happy as they had a quote for $3700 and this was covered by their tax refund. Well, I told my husband that night that he could give his princess the money, he was so happy he couldnt wait to ring her, as soon as he got off the phone I told him I will get $7000 out of the bank tomorrow, he looked shocked at first and then asked are you giving her $7,000 (it's all about her), and I said absolutely not, she has been given far more than any of the others and far, far more than her share. I am still giving her the $3,500 the other $3,500 is for my daughter, she is paving her backyard and I am giving her the money, and for the record from now on if one of yours gets a dollar, then one of mine is getting it to, I don't care if they don't need it, or if they don't want it, they will be getting it. Let's see how long we can keep giving away his kind of money shall we. Well we gave away the $7,000 that was about 7 and a half years ago, he has not given one red cent to any of his kids since let me tell you.

Fair is fair if his daughter gets a blank cheque, then so does yours. By the way please make him move out if it comes to that, don't make it easy on him let he and his daughter do all the hard yards of house hunting, and after not only will she not be able to because she has the baby to look after, she will be making all sorts of demands on him at the same time, let him know what real pressure is. And make sure the money is distributed fairly. If you don't want to hand it over to your daughter for some reason take it out and put it somewhere for yourself, but whatever his daughter gets your or your family should get to See how long he keeps giving her money under those rules.

Sounds like the bio parents have created an entitled BRAT. Those types of kids just get older, they do not grow up.

Too bad someone wouldn't inform SD that if she marries her baby-daddy who is in prison, she will automatically get all sorts of benefits from food stamps to whatever - at least that is what I have read. I HATE it when people live off the government teat (i.e., our tax dollars) but I would rather have a person like her doing that on her OWN then EVER crossing MY threshhold!

So, what happened about the check.

My husband also thought that he was the father of his first grandson, I wasn't with him them, but have been told by a very, very reliable source that when asked by a family member what the baby would call him, ie: nono, pa, grandad etc., he said, I don' know, wait for it........................................ I don't suppose he can really call me dad Actually I take back the LOL emoticons, because there is nothing funny about how all of this has turned out. He apparently brought that baby up and ran the show until he left his ex wife when the child was around two, and as a punishment to him for leaving he never saw that boy again until he was 9 and we were together. Of course the boy hated him with a passion and has been trained well to do so. Fast forward DH phoned this grandson last year for his 13th birthday (first time I have ever known him to do so), and called him again this year for his birthday, but this year grandson didn't pick up or return his call (now I do understand the kid there), however, my husband's relatioship with his entire family is non-existant and he still thinks they love him, he is positive sure of this because when they want something they call him. Getting back to him thinking he was daddy to the grandson, when we did see this boy at the age of 9, my DH wanted to know who was taking him to school and picking him up, and demanded to know if he was attending school regularly, and getting there on time, he went on about some other things before I was so embarrassed by him I had to say, look your son and his partner have been bringing GS up on their own for a few years now, they managed to enrol him in school and sports etc, he is fit and healthy so they must be doing okay parenting him. Everyone in the room was shocked by his behaviour especially me, that is when I found out about him thinking that GS calling him daddy was a good plan when the child was born.

Look, this situation can go on happily for your DH until the day he dies, he will be more than happy for his daughter to use him he sees it as being a protective daddy and enjoys her stupidity because as long as she is an idiot taking up with idiots she will always NEED her daddy and he can fluff up his peacock feathers and call it love, he believes this will always make him the most important man in her life and he loves it. It is abnormal, but he does not know that and no one will ever be able to tell him that, because he likes things the way they are.

You, on the other hand will grow to resent this more and more, if you do not physically leave the marriage by the end of the year you will certainly have emotionally left the marriage because belive it or not the good days you have been living are over now the baby is here.

Before baby was born you only came second to his daugther in his list of priorities...........now he has a grandson you get to be third. None of us can put up with that forever eventually we get sick of trying, sick of making all the sacrifices, sick of being always last on the list.

You need to make a stand now and I would be starting with the check issue. I am sure as others have said she would not have had to pay the hospital on the day of the birth, and as many have said the bill more than likely would be picked up by the taxpayer anyway. It would not be too hard for you to check with the hospital as to how much if anything this has cost. This is all going to go to hell in a handbasket you need to start protecting yourself financially now.

The situation with your DH and SD is not going to change until you do something to change it. If you are happy to be pushed back a place everytime she has a baby do nothing, but if you want to be his wife, not his cook and cleaner then you need to speak up and assert yourself NOW, the longer you leave it the harder it will become. DH has one of those inappropriate relationships with his daughter that don't just sort themselves out, someone has to physically extract them from it and I can tell you it will not be his daughter she is the beneficiary of all the benefits from this relationship, she's not going to be stupid enough to change it, he cannot see the problem, she is his baby and he is just doing what fathers of 2 year olds do, he cannot see she is no longer 2 and never will without help. You can deal with this now or later, but you are going to have to deal with it, and I am sorry I wasted so many years of my life waiting till later, until I was sick and tired of the whole thing and till I lost all respect for my husand. SD is now out of my life and never will be allowed into to my home again, this has all gone too far to ever be fixed and my husband at this point does not see any of his children or grandchildren, I will never, ever forgive him for the way he allowed his children to treat me, for sitting back and acting like I was nothing compared to them, always putting their wants ahead of my needs, I swear he would have let me bleed to death on the floor while he made SD a coffee things were so bad. Now I do not know if things can be re-kindled here, but I do know they will never be the same. Please do not let this happen to you. Speak up now, demand to be No: 1 in your home, in his life, you are his wife, she is someone else's all be it not legal. She has a bf, she has a child by him, she is someone else's woman, and she will be the woman/wife of someone else again before too long, she is not your DH's wife and never will be, so step up and claim your place, emotionally, physically and financially. If DH doesn't want that, if he wants SD to be the woman in his life, then best you find out now and not a few more years down the track, but the only way this is coming to a head is if you bring it there because DH and SD are more than happy with things the way they are. I so hope you do not let her into your home so you can become the third wheel, the ugly stepsister in your own home,the chief cook, cleaner and bottle washer for those two, and I hope you and your DH can sort this out so both of you can be happy together. Waiting to see what happens will not change anything though, you really are going to have to bite the bullet and do something to change it.

Well I could say BM but that is just being mean for no reason. She just might be a family throw back. I understand you do not want to divorce you DH as option 1 and that is fair enough. I think most of us on this site do love our husbands otherwise we wouldn't be on here looking for support and help, we would be happily living on own with not a stepkid in sight.

Your husband is a lot like mine and if you do not nip this in the bud as I did not, then you will one day find yourself resenting him more and more. I think something that is worse is you lose respect for them, they become pathetic in your eyes, this man, the strong, supportive love of your life, the soul mate you married has become this weak pathetic "yes dear" man to his daughter and it does destroy something. I just don't want you to go there.

I hope your jailbird future son in law gets sent to the colonies.

Just as a sideline my children also like yours treat my DH with respect talk to him on the phone, visit on birthdays father's day etc., when his own do not, yet if you spoke to him his opinion would be, mine can do no right and his can do no wrong Odd.

I wish you every success, and I sincerely hope you have the emotional strength and have enough self esteem left to nip this right in the bud before anymore money passes hands, or crying newborns are waking you up in the middle of the night. The other thing is, even if you buy diapers etc., it still allows her to give the money which she would have otherwise spent on those things to the prince in the cage. I would be checking out those bank statements very thoroughly, if he loves her he will help her to grow up especially now she is a mother and responsible for a child. Fingers crossed for all of you.

Another one who thought the baby would give her more power. My SD made it abundantly clear there was no room in DH's life for the two ous her and I, however she wasn't sure enough of herself to actually say it out loud, then she accidently got pregnant, when baby was 2 weeks old DH is told, if you want to see your grandaughter "leave your wife"

Well he hasn't left and SD hasn't seen her father for 7 months, nor has he seen his grandchild which is sad this never had to happen but these girls who are brought up to be spoilt little Princesses have never learned to share their daddy and they never will.

She played her trump card and lost.

I hope your husband doesn't forget this all tomorrow. Still, tomorrow you will still probably be telling him I told you so every 5 or 6 minutes eh! Hope it all goes well. Stupid, stupid, stupid girls.

Stand your ground on this! Do not let her and her mini-me move into your home! They will take over and it will be VERY difficult to get them out! Speaking from experience. Plus, grown women cannot live together in the same house. It always ends badly, SD or not. Good luck to you.

sburkss what is wrong with you woman. You cooked and cleaned right up until the day you deliverd, yeah! so what, that was how we did things back in the olden days. Now modern young woman have a different type of pregnancy they are unable to move much at all now throughout the entire pregnancy all they can manage is to rub their tummies because they are pregnant, then they cannot do much of anything because they have a baby and they are tired. I know about 2 young mums who actually breastfed throughout the night, others breastfeed through the day but are too tired from feeding to get up at night so SO has to get up and bottle feed the night feeds. He of course will have to go to work through the day too, but then again he's not tired from being pregnant and breastfeeding. You need to get your backside into the modern world woman and leave this poor thing alone to be tired.

Also love the term we're pregnant, not we're having a baby which I can understand, but we're pregnant, seems they cannot even go through the pregnancy without assistance

Yeah, that was my lot too, came from the era where the kids were the womans job. Mine never changed a nappy barely held the kids the job was mine and I didn't get to spend nine months sitting around rubbing my tummy waiting for the baby to be born either.

My 20 yr old SD and her 5 month old live with us, and it is HARD!!! My husband is so protective to his daughter and that baby that is almost like his baby. I can tell you from experience, that baby will be your SD's cash cow! She will use it to get whatever she wants from him. "the baby needs clotes, baby needs diapers, baby needs....." You can put your foot down, but it sounds liek he will always side with her! If she moves in, there should be some sort of written contract in place so your SD and husband will both understand the rules and consequences! Good luck!