I wish I had better news.  From my own experience they can insult you in social media, directly insult you in front of your DH and others, even insult DH directly with you present; then call others in their chain to listen to them--with the sole purpose to run both you and your child down, etc., triangulate; and, there will be NO apology given ever, regardless of the level of insult or pain inflicted.

They have no regrets for treating us like trash; we are nobody to them (they hate we have a pulse); our feelings are not even worth consideration or none of the mess would have happened.  They know with certainty daddee will wimp out and not protect us, this gives them more courage.  I finally figured it out.  You cannot expect normalcy; they are messed up.  Behavioral norms to do apply to them with regards to us, the unwanted foreign object daddee drags around with him.

Yeah, and don't believe the mess DH says about "she told me to apologize for her,"bs.  I bet you've heard that one- like me.  When they have mouths to insult and triangulate, they certainly have proven they need no spokesperson to deliver their messages. No problem delivering the insults, right?

Unless this kind of DH has a brain transplant along with massive testosterone injections, ....no apology will ever come your way.

It is not you though....let them be nonexistant to you too now. Look at them through the lens they see you. Take this toxicity out of your life totally; it will never change. You have to be the change your want, unfortuantely.

Yeah, they won’t ever apologize, they don’t think they’ve done anything wrong. Good thing is, you won’t care about getting one for long. 

The pain is still fresh, Phoenix.  But in time you won't really care if they apologize to you or not.  You will just be glad they are no longer in your life.  In fact, at this point, I really wouldn't WANT SD to apologize - that would mean I would have to consider allowing her back in our home.  As far as DH apologizing, That's not going to happen either.  He's just too proud to do it.  It's enough punishment that he is paying the consequences from SD who alienates him for staying with me.  But then, he created and helped to perpetuate the 'mean SM' situation for 20 years so no pity for self-inflicted wounds.

I tried to talk to people about my experience too but got the same reactions you did - even from my Sister who said, "Children come first" when I attempted to communicate what I had been through.  But when I reminded her that SD was doing the same stuff that her MIL was, she suddenly saw the light.  People just don't seem to get your point until you make it personal for them.  The only people who have truly understood have been the people on Steptalk.  So I hope, even though you are not a SM anymore, that you continue to visit.  Eventually there will be another step parent going through what you did, and you will give them hope that you can find happiness without putting up with the B.S.

NO!  It will never happen.  My DH never apologized for his part in regards to the treatment I allowed.

I hope my SD never attempts to apologize.   I'm not sure I wouldn't call the cops on her.  

I've had my fill of her.  

Phoenix: I am sorry to hear you had to walk away.  It is heartbreaking.

FYI Karma visits often to both DH and my SD57.   It comes when I least expect it, I would be lying if I said I don't secretly smile.

Skids almost never apologize - and our culture teaches them that they don't have to. Stepmothers are evil, selfish, golddigging, child abusing daddee stealing Untouchables, so skids get a hall pass on mistreating us.

There are many posts on this site where a chasm results after a SM demands an apology or her H demands his kids make one to her. The Holy Apology becomes The Berlin Wall, and I think some Hs continue to push for one long after SM couldn't care less. These men want peace, and if a few mumbled words can keep Dsyfunction Junction operating, they can put their heads back in the sand. They think they have enough juice or leverage with their kids to demand an apology, and are astonished to find they don't.

My own DH told OSD she needed to apologize to me (via text, because he's an idiot when it comes to parenting) seven years ago, and we haven't seen her since. I didn't want an apology; I wanted to be done with her. Sorry fixes nothing.

have been raised by a narcissistic manipulative parent where they are never taught cause and effect or taking responsibility for your actions

they are brought up thinking they are special when they are not, they are brought up to blame everyone for everything that goes wrong in life. The never can do wrong

i have long gotten to a point where i said to myself people like this rarely ever change. Just accept it and move on

thinking and moping about them allows them control over your life

I am very sorry you had to walk away from your relationship. It isn't an easy thing to do. I also went into a relationship, with my now DH quite a number of years ago, we fell in love and married 4 years later.

during the time we dated, and especially at the beginning, (a few years of hell), I was treated like an outcast by his adult children and their significant others. It was nothing I expected and never experienced before. I was hopeful it would get better and they would accept me.

Like you, I knew this treatment was inhumane and just got tired of being left out of everything, the evil eyes, rude adult skid comments, hateful behavior and being accused of things I never did. 

I told my then boyfriend I didn't sign up for this hateful treatment and so long. I explained to him I would never sit back and not address anyone in my family who treated him this way, so why did he do nothing about it? What bothered me was the fact he initially did nothing. I was at the point where I could care less if his brood hated me. I lived my entire life without them and don't need hateful people in my life. 

At first, I found it hard to stick up for myself, but heck, if I don't, who will? He must of realized I was serious and understood what they were doing to me and trying to break us up was not normal. He realized they should be happy for him instead of miserable. He finally told them enough of the hateful treatment. It didn't do any good, and one of them apologized to him, but not me.

will they ever apologize? My now DH did at some point say he was sorry for the way I was treated and vowed he wouldn't leave me behind again, blah, blah. Recently, a significant other of an adult skid asked DH if it would make a difference if they apologized to me. DH told them it wasn't a good idea. It was never an adult skid who inquired about apologizing, just the busy body significant other.

The other adult skids never apologized to me and am sure never will. One did apologize to my DH for some of the things he did to us, but never to me. One told me right after she asked DH to meet with our families to discuss her wedding plans, that "we never got off to a good start". Gee, was that her way to apologize. I felt like telling her that was "because you are a spoiled, self-entitled, witch, who is now trying to contact me, because you want dadeee to give you money for your wedding." Right after her wedding and during it, she was back to the same old rudeness.

Maybe, your ex will see the light and realize what he has done is not right. Who cares if his hateful brood never apologizes. 

Best of luck to you.

One day at a time. Don't expect an apology and I urge you to go "no contact" for your sake.  Let this site be your own "technical" campfire where you can share the "stories"....soothing and cathartic. And, boy are people gonna throw some big logs in!!!  Let it burn Phoenix...let it burn. 

I sometimes toy with the idea that SD24 will apologize and then reality hits. Not gonna happen with a Narc. I run "what-if" scenarios...the optimist.  It is often our optimistic natures that have helped hope float through the years of emotional abuse.  Nothing can kill that spark. 

I think of karma as an unavoidable soul process that is always trying to evolve us towards higher order.  You learn the lesson...you move up the spiral.  These assholes are stuck in a dark, downward eddy of life-sucking dysfunction.  People who can sincerely apologize are evolved and have seen the error of their ways.  You however, have learned vital lessons and are clearly moving upward on that spiral. Let it burn Phoenix...what awaits will be wonderful.

Take care. Peace in your heart.

A warthog does not appologize for being what it is.  Generally the same applies for toxic adult Skids.

I don't recommend that anyone hold their breath waiting for an appology from toxic adult step crotch droppings.

I confront the toxicity wholesale and for damned sure don't appologize to them for bringing the pain in response for their manipulative toxic crap.

My situation is different. SS34 was never rude. He never wanted to break us up. He loved the fact that DH and I married. 

DH got financially raped from his divorce from wife #2 - who is not BM.   He could support himself modestly but qhe didn’t have extra money.  SS looked to me as “fresh kill” - a pot of resources a available for him to tap into  

When I met SS he was basically homeless- crashing in various drug dens with his hooker/junkie gf. DH tried to help him. We gave him furniture when he got an apartment which he ended up leaving behind when he would invariably get evicted. 

He eventually found a sucker GF to mooch off of. She had a job, car etc. when she got pregnant her mother bought her a house.  SS actually got a job.  Things were looking up and I let SS and GF  come into our life.  Had them over to dinner.  Was going to let them use my vacation condo. 

And then - DH and I went on vacation for 2 weeks. SS had the code to the garage as he’d borrowed some tools. We unfortunately did not lock the door into the house. They MOVED IN - slept in our bed, ransacked the house hoping to find dh’s medical marijuana or pain pills left from my surgery.  Helped themselves to what ever they wanted which included FIVE brand new 1.7 litter bottles of liquor. 

I have never been so furious or felt more violated.  At that point I told DH to keep them away from me. Did I ever get an apology?  Hell no - the only thing I was told was that I needed to get over it. 

They could grovel and beg for forgiveness and all I would want to do would be to piss on them. It’s been 2 years.   I do not need toxic POS trash in my life. 

They actually did me a favor.  I no longer have to deal with them on any level. My DH has never once pressured me to do otherwise. 

Please don’t hold your breath, OP.

You will be waiting til the day you die to get an apology from Skids. They feel like they’re entitled to treat you like crap because you’re the sucker that decided to get into a relationship with either parent, even though you had absolutely nothing to do with the end of their marriage.

They’re miserable, so why the hell should anyone else be happy?!?

I wouldn't expect one. Especially if their father is not encouraging it.

Find a way to forgive for your own sanity, and then move on.

After DH told his narcissitic adult daughter she needed to apologize (she had profusely done so to her father, via email, phone calls etc. however, I'm the one she screamed at for almost an hour while he looked on, doing absolutely nothing.)

So, to show daddeee, she could "play nice" she sent a group text to me, DH and another family member. It never once stated an apology to me specifically, but rather a "let's skirt the issue, and I refuse to take responsibility for my part, because I"m a poster child for narcissism". It was pathetic. Even our clergyman laughed when I showed it to him. It was clearly a dog and pony show for DH, because later in the evening, she called DH and asked how the apology went. He told her "Not very well. She feels the apology must fit the offense, and it should be individually done by either a phone call, card, or letter, not by a group text." Well of course that really upset her. Narcissists cannot stand it when THEY are not in control or calling the shots.

I would blow it off. Even if they should or happen to "apologize", it will be a hollow attempt they can hold over you for years, and say, "I tried to apologize. She's the problem, not me."

The thing about an apology is, it is up to the recipient to accept or decline it. Because I could see the lack of empathy, sincerity and ownership, I elected to decline and call BS on it.

Don't dwell on it. There are so many other things that can get your energy.

Good luck.

Although I've never received an apology from OSD for all the damage she's caused, funnily enough when YSD was in her 20's (so about 10 years into my relationship with their father/DH) she apologized to me for her sister's behavior

YSD made a big public speech about it too

We were at OSD's engagement party and OSD had publicly insulted DH, calling him "nothing but a pieice of s*&^ father" and so on

We ignored this but as we were leaving that night out of the blue YSD rushes up to me, and then makes a big deal about telling me how she's so sorry for the terrible way her sister (OSD) has treated me (no mention of DH which was strange) that she didn't know why she was like that, that I was the best thing that ever happened to DH and one of the best things to come into their lives too

DH was standing there waiting for me to leave as YSD said this

And BM was standing there waiting for YSD to leave, as YSD said this

I remember being totally shocked (in a good way) but figured it was just a drama act and that she didn't really mean it, but she has always been better with me since that night

Her sister, OSD, the one that owes me the actual apology - nah! I doubt that would ever happen!!

If someone is just a blithering ahole no apology is going to change that.   Sometimes a decent human being makes a mistake that a sincere apology can rectify.   The two situations are not the same. 

They stop their mean actions and take accountability for their actions. These narcsisists don't feel they have anything to apoligize for, they may give you a fake sorry. If they really were sorry they would have changed their ways years ago. My SD has been at it for 15 years. The only change she has made is to up her game. DH keeps trying to push her in to an apology. For what? For his comfort. She said she forgave me once. He sees that a her way of trying to say she is sorry. BS. 

Like someone said earlier. There is a time frame on an apology. I am way past that time frame. It is way to late. 15 years of abuse. No way would I ever accept any lame sorry from SD. That ship sailed. DH can keep pushing all he wants to try to get her to say she is sorry. It won't happen. It wouldn't be real. Again it is all just for his comfort. If he is uncomfortable it is his own fault. His lack of balls created the problem. It's is his to live with now. He needs to face up to the fact he created a evil monster.

Not me, but my stepmom.

My BM was a train wreck, a violent, toxic, alcoholic. When I came to my stepmom, I was pretty messed up. We had a rough go of it. I never apologized, per se, because (1) it never occurred to me, and (2) even now, I don't remember doing anything vindictive or on purpose. I was just wild because I'd come from a household where no one cared to teach me anything, and I was really defensive and pissed off from having been abused. She put a lot of effort into me, just trying to get me to be basically normal, teach me how to do basic things and have basic manners. But I have thanked her several times, even for being hard on me when she had to be. In my case, the "step" naturally, eventually fell away, and she just became "mom." She wasn't perfect (who is?), but if I had stayed with BM, I might well have not survived my childhood. And if I hadn't had the strong-willed, loving/tough love stepmom I ended up with, I wouldn't have been reformed into who I am; also not perfect, but relatively happy, healthy, and successful. I've told her so. So yes, it's possible for a stepparent to be appreciated. But I think in my case, my BM being so messed up (to a Criminal degree), and then disappearing so there was no back and forth, made it easier for the relationship w/ my stepmom to become successful.

An apology is only meaningful if someone truly understands how/ why they have been a complete a$$, and commits to behaving differently.  One of my SS's is so deep into his delusions, that's not possible.  Just like saying "thank you" is not indicative of actual gratitude - it' sjust good manners.