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DH figures it out

Miss T's picture

NO VISITING DURING THE PLAGUE. Especially in our geographic area, where covid numbers are creeping up again, and especially when you're in an at-risk demographic, which DH and I both are. My 3 offspring and I are staying in our corners of the metro area, Skyping, Zooming, emailing, texting. But DH has been longing to inhale droplets breathed out by his kid, who is a 4-hour drive from us in an area where the numbers of infections are increasing.

Last month he came thisclose to driving to SS28. I was furious. Sure, I dislike SS28. In the past he's been abusive to me and to my pets which is bad enough, but the thought that he could well infect his dad and me just about drove me over the edge.

"Never miss a chance to keep your big mouth shut." This is one of my top 3 principles* and boy was it hard to adhere to when DH was making plans for the plague visit. I managed, though, even to the extent of not telling him that I had no intention of risking the trip myself. When he said something about it, I quelled my fury, put on a neutral face, and went "mm hmm." Really I just ignored the whole thing.

And GUESS WHAT?? He figured it out. The planned weekend is now nearly a month in the rearview mirror, and I have heard nothing more about it. DH has even voiced fear and resignation over the fact that Thanksgiving and Christmas may have to be celebrated on Skype.

I'm writing this to share my relief, and also to suggest that for some of you, it may make sense to just STFU when something grotesquely inappropriate is being threatened. Arguing can cause a silly person to become more entrenched in their silliness. I know this won't work for everyone or for every occasion, but do please think about whether it might be the right approach to whatever problem you're wrestling with.

*My other two bywords are "Never pass up a good bathroom" and "If you can't laugh, nothing's funny."

 

Miss T's picture

I first heard the term "gray rock" recently but did not explore its meanings and uses until you used it here.

Although I would rate myself as relatively content with my DH, it is concerning to realize that he is likely deliberately trying to bait me with nonsensical crap regarding his kid. This is not the only area where to keep the peace I have to edit my  reactions to stuff he says and does. We are old married folks, and I suppose that he feels he has to gray rock me sometimes as well, although I am of course the ideal partner. He is just being silly.

Well, in the immortal words of the great Osgood Fielding III--nobody's perfect.

Thanks for the term.