HI, Im new to this so please bear with me. Im nearly at my witts end. I am seeing my widowed partner two years now. i met his 3 children last christmas. their ages are 17, 15 and 12. they are boys. when i stay in my partners house, i find that the 12 year old is so damm rude to me. his dad treats him like the baby and says to me that he is the baby. he is 12. not a baby. he gets his dad to sleep in the spare room with him and he does, not all the time. even when they are in my house, which is about once every 3 months, (we live 120km apart and only see each other every 2nd or 3rd week) if my partner and i are "having a lie in" he shouts up the stairs asking his dad when is he getting up. we can be intimate with each other for the fear that he will come barging through the bedroom door. which he has done on a few occasions. my partner says that the 12year olds mother got sick when he was around 2 so he took on the role as mam and dad.

even when we got to the pub, he tries to sit on his dads knee.
one time, when we came home from holidays, he brought his "make shift" bed into our room and slept on the floor. i find this so inappropriate for his age.

dont get me wrong, i have stood back and put myself into these kids shoes and my heart goes out to them over what they have been through. the 12 year old will be a teenager in 7 months time.

i have tried talking to my partner about my concerns regarding the sleeping arrangements but its in one ear and out the other.
i found over 15 burnt out matches in my house at the weekend, under the sofa. i told my partner about this and he said he spoke to his son and he said that he was cold so he used the matches to light the candles. we were out when this happened and he was with his brother. the other two boys are fine.
Please can you give me some advice as to what to do with out causing tension between my partner and me. at the end of the day, his boys come first.
Thanks so much,