SS trying to make DH chose between me and him!!!!
LONG STORY!!! But will try to make it short. DH and I have been married for 7 years, together 10. When we met he was still married but left BM shortly after we met. They have 2 boys together-17 and 20 (Jan). We have a little boy who is 3 yr old and Autistic.
For the last 8 years BM has made our life as much of hell as she could by keeping his children from him in any way shape or form she could. She started with guilt trips on them when they would come stay with us and then when we went from an apartment to a house she started telling them they didn't have to do chores at our house or listen to anything we said, she would let them do ANYTHING they wanted(including having 10 or more kids at her house with no one there) and then would sabotage as many of DH's visits a she could. It got so bad we were going to try and take take her to court but decided 1st to take them to counseling. The counseler told us we should let the kids do what THEY wanted and if they didn't want to stay to not force them. We stupidly listened and it only got worse from there! We have tried and tried over the years to get them to be more a part of our lives but as they became teenagers they were allowed to have parties at BM's house(with alcohol)and we could not compete with this-nor wanted to. My oldest SS now goes to a community college-at exactly 12 credits and makes 15,000 a year(possibly more now). We went to court to have CS reduced due to our BS's situation and possibly have SS 20 imancipated. We ended up getting screwed and he increased it because they have not stayed overnight for years (apparently it doesnt matter if they didnt want to or not)!!!!
ANYWAY-after this we asked SS 20 to start coming and staying to help us financially(because it would reduce CS slightly). Yes, we did do that and just to make everyone understand-we have filed for bankrupsy, and are having a very difficult time paying for our BS therapies. He said he would, but quickly started coming up with lame excuses why he couldnt.When DH confronted him as to why he wasnt staying like he said he would he texted my husband and said he hates me and has never liked me and wants nothing to do with me-called me a bitch and told my husband to chose. Actually he said he would have a relationship with him and my BS but not me!!!
Heres the kicker-we really don't know why and he wont say why-just keeps saying he has already told us-which he hasn't! truthfully even though we didnt see them as much as we would have liked over the years I always felt pretty close to his kids, they always hugged me and told me they loved me and we had alot of good times together-when we were allowed!
When he called me a bitch and said he would have a relationship with DH and BS, but not me I told him he needed to go to counseling.
SO, my DH told him there is no relationship with out me-we are a family and all that. he refuses and now has said he will go to counseling with DH but wants nothing to do with me.
I have watched my DH go through hell over the last 8 years and I love his kids but this is tearing him up and I truthfully am at the point where I cant take it anymore. I have a special needs child who needs ALL of my attention and then some and I don't have time for this BS anymore.
My husband is considering going to counseling but will only go with me, and I just don't know if I want to waste another minute on this-mentally its too much.
Please any advise or questions are welcomed:)
anyone-anyone?????
anyone-anyone?????
You definitely should file
You definitely should file for emancipation. Check your state laws on the age.
That being said your DH should keep to his word about including you because if he doesn't, your SS will only realize that DH can be pushed. Like training dogs, if you give in to barking, they will only learn they have to bark harder and longer to get what they want. Kudos to hubby for not negotiating with terrorists.
If I had to make a guess here
If I had to make a guess here I would say this is parental alienation. Both my ex and my husband's ex did this with our children. It is amazing what these parents will put inside these children's heads, pure lies to manipulate and control the children. So many lies came back to me as to what I supposedly did and said that never happened. I think too then the children feel a sense of obligation to the parent who is creating the lies....they don't want to lose the parent's approval and love and these parents are the type tha will withdraw from the child if they do not get what they want, and the child knows it so they play the game. You are expendable, they do not need your approval or love and acceptance like they do form their bio parents. It is a real ugly game.
My oldest daughter fell victim to my ex's lies and built a wall between us based on lies but I could make no sense with her. I ended up going to counseling and counselor said the only thing I could do was let her go. That is not easy.
The way I see it, is the boy is having a tandrum like he would when he was 8 but he is in an adult body now. If that is the way he feels there is nothing you can d about his feelings and thought processes. However, your husband should see that he has only one choice here and it is not to cave to his son's inmatue request.
Avr1962, BM is the master of
Avr1962, BM is the master of parental alienation! Sooooo good at it!
Not2imsane, we filed and got an a- hole judge wh decided he wasn't going to take SS's income into account cause he wanted to use his discretion!! So we now not only pay for CS for this selfish shit but also for part of his college- ugh and......see below
Well my husband already caved slightly by agreeing to go to counseling just him and SS. Which to me makes no sense since SS says I am the main issue.
I guess my biggest fear at this point is that he wil also eventually cave and have a separate relationship too!
This man and our bs are my life- I adore my husband but have and always will feel like his kids could end our beautiful life together in an instant. I know that if he does eventually have a separate relationship we will never make it.
This is awful to say but I wish they would just go away and leave us to our happy life without them
Actually thejob, let them
Actually thejob, let them have a separate relationship and keep your relationship with your DH separate as well.
I've COMPLETELY gone off the radar to my adult SD bitches. If DH texts, calls, or sends gifts, they are in HIS handwriting, and sent by HIM ONLY. We even have separate return labels with just his name on them, that he puts on their cards.
If you CEASE TO EXIST, they will lose their fire power to lash out at DH about you.
TRUST ME, your relationship with your DH will become much stronger, and you will no longer be in the forefront with a target on your chest.
Be a listener, but nothing more. IF he wants to talk about them to you, give very little input (if he asks), and make it short, let him get it out, and then move on to the next subject.
I've never been more relieved to get off the hot burner with all of those nut jobs. Including the BIL/SIL circus acts. I have disappeared and am no longer a threat. Now it's up to them to grow up and put on their big boy briefs, and big girl panties, and treat my DH with some decency....if they're ever capable......remains to be seen.
I'm still shocked that they
I'm still shocked that they have to pay c/s for a 20 year old :jawdrop: