Stepdaughter with long term addiction and problems
My adult stepdaughter is almost 30 and has had longterm addiction issues for at least the past 12 years or so. She also has a 5 year old handicapped child (with CP) that she really should not have custody of. I guess I am looking for support anywhere because I am just flat out exhausted with the situation. My husband has enabled her for a long time, not so much with money but the help with other stuff and emotionally out of guilt for the nasty divorce that he feels is mainly responsible for a lot of her problmes. She pretty much uses her kid as a pawn to procure what she needs and workd his guilt every chance she gets. I know that my husband does what he does out of love and he is very hurt with the situration. Although since he knows that I don't condone what he does or her behavior, he has gotten to where he does not share much with me about this even though it can be emotionally consuming for him. It is hard to watch him keep doing the same stuff over and over and know that what he does enables her to do what she does over and over. It is like a dark cloud that you cannot get rid of. The girl's mother is a joke and I truly believe that she has thrown her own child under the bus to hurt my husband in any way that she can. Anyone have any words of widsom?
Maintain your distance
Your SD's top priority is drugs - not your DH, not her child. It is a sad situation, and eventually she will lose custody of the child. Look upon it as the same you would of a person your DH works with. Stay on the outside fringes. Let your DH know you support him but don't offer any advice or money for SD. Good luck.
Distance maintained!
Thanks for the reply Sandye 21. I do and she really wants nothing to do with me (which I am glad of) since she knows that she can't lie and get anything from me. My husband calls her numerous times a day to check on her and she may or may not call him. I am trying to help him see that his "emotional" enabling has done nothing to help the situation and is more than likely making it worse but he just can't help himself. I am most bothered by the problems it causes between us because he is senstive about the subject and I am a no-non-sense kind of person, who calls it like it is. So I am fed up and disgusted and he is hurting and feels like I am not being supportive because I tell him that he needs to distance himself fromt the situation. He will kind of do that for a while but the if she calls with some drama, he is sucked right back in. So trying to find a way to be supportive yet help him try some fresh approaches to the situation.
Is your DH willing to attend
Is your DH willing to attend Al-Anon or similar meetings? Or talk with an addictions counselor? He loves his daughter and wants to help her, but he doesn’t know how.
Getting strategies from a third party might give him tools and courage.
My DH is the king of enabling. We’ve dealt with addiction issues too. It’s no fun.