Father's Day - How to handle ex who ignores the holiday?
Long story short, my SO of three years has an ex-wife (#2) who lives in Texas. He has two young sons with her. She recently remarried (less than 3 months after the divorce) and was pregnant before the marriage even happened.
He was just visiting them in Texas (she moved there for "a break" years ago then refused to come back with the kids). She made him cut his visit short early on Sunday and bring the boys back for a Fathers Day celebration they had planned with her family. He was not invited, even though he is their father. I guess it was a step-=father and grandfather celebration.
Not only was he not invited, she did not give him a card, present, NOTHING for father's day from the boys (they are too young to shop by themselves or think about it). I'm sure the crafts they make at school for father's day go right to her husband, their stepfather of less than a month.
I bought a card for him from the boys (that I will fill out and sign) and was going to buy a present. Do you think this is the right thing? I don't want to "rub in" that the ex has done nothing, but I'd like him to have something to open and feel appreciated. Do you think it will mean less since it is from me? Do you think I am doing the right thing? He gets sad to be away from the boys on Father's Day and I want to support him and love him.
Anyone have any input on how they handle Father's Day if their SO can't be with his kids on the actual day?
Honestly, I wouldn't give him
Honestly, I wouldn't give him a card "from the boys" if they're not with you and didn't help in any way to get it or sign it. Seems contrived. I agree, get a card from YOU saying you think he's a great dad, that would mean more.
He needs to get a court order
He needs to get a court order outlining visitation, child support, Father's Day, who has the kids when, holidays, phone contact, etc.
I think a card is a great
I think a card is a great idea. BM is not obligated to celebrate or acknowledge father's day and if she does it is just common courtesy. Looks like she has her little life and doesnt want your SO to be a part of it. He's going to have to assert himself into the situation and do his best to be in his kids lives b/c obviously he can't rely on bm to keep that going. I'm sure he will appreciate the card from you. its a nice gesture.
When they were separated, he
When they were separated, he allowed her to take the kids to Texas (signed off on it legally) for a short time to get her head together and spend time with her family. They settled their divorce out of court, and she refused to move back. He would have had to go to court to get her to move back, which is very very expensive. They agreed to monthly visitations (one weekend per month) plus other holidays (every other year we have them on christmas, on the off years the days after Christmas through new years) and time in the summer (increasing weeks as they age). It was his visitation weekend and she asked if he could bring them back early to go to a pre-planned (but not mentioned) celebration with her family.
I think he only agreed because he was negotiating with her for October. SO is from London and loves Grand Prix, which is happening in Austin where she lives. We took the boys last year and it was a disaster....too long and loud for them. They did not like it AT ALL. We want to go early and take the boys Thursday and Friday (they would miss pre-school) and spend those days with us, and we spend Saturday and Sunday alone at the Grand Prix, essentially switching our visitation days. I guess it is all a bargaining chip. Ex#2 shockingly agreed to the change in days and times, so I guess it all is working out. That Friday night is Halloween, and we think we should be allowed to take them trick or treating (she gets them every year on Halloween and I feel he, as the father, should be allowed a turn), so I'm sure that will be a whole new battle!
Thank you everyone for the input. I liked the idea of a father's day card from me. He really is an amazing father. He calls the boys or skypes them every day, has never once missed a visitation or payment, sends "care packages" randomly (well, I pack and send them lol) for little holidays, like a St Patrick's Day box with candies, green stickers/tattoos, etc.
The card I got reads (front) "I can't imagine a more beautiful life than the one we've built together" and the inside reads "Happy Father's Day to my husband, my friend, my love". I will have to cross out husband and write boyfriend, but the gesture should work.
Sorry I meant to say Formula
Sorry I meant to say Formula One, not Grand Prix. I'm not sure if that is the same thing....I don't follow racing, I only watch it to make him happy!
Sorry I meant to say Formula
Sorry I meant to say Formula One, not Grand Prix. I'm not sure if that is the same thing....I don't follow racing, I only watch it to make him happy!
Something sounds fishy about
Something sounds fishy about your SO's story. If she moved for a break and didn't come back, why hasn't he taken some action to get a CO for visitation so things like this wouldn't happen? If you weren't around to see this, I would be mighty suspect about this story....
I always do holiday shopping
I always do holiday shopping for fdh with skids. When they go with BM they arrive with gifts like the hangover and a six pack of beer. I feel that as his oh it is my job, not hers. We really don't have any interest in gifts from her.
I was there dating him during
I was there dating him during the whole ordeal. He didn't think she'd stay, then she got a boyfriend. He wanted to avoid court at all costs, because he wanted to keep the house he bought but was in their name.