Welcome to the site!  

Some people just aren't good with kids at all.  My brother is the same - he struggled to show interest in his own three, never mind his grandkids.  7 and 5 year olds are exhausting, and as you say, all the activity tends to revolve around them.  

I think your bf is suffering the syndrom that a lot of bio parents have regarding their "new" families - ie that they are going to create the Brady bunch and that everyone should all think the sun shines out of their kids' backsides, and be yearning to spend time with them.   He needs to cotton on to the reality that this is not going to happen.  

I think it would be nice if your father could make the effort to see your bf and his kids sometime, perhaps for a meal at a child friendly restaurant, but I don't think the poor man should have to make it an entire weekend when he's just not a kids person.  I know that if my divorced daughter remarried, I would NOT want to host any future partner along with very young kids, for an entire weekend.  I get exhausted enough having my own bio grandkids for a weekend.

Edited to say - I see you are from the UK like me.  There are not too many of us here, so you may not get too many other replies till later when the USA wakes up ;-) 

One of the early posters on the other side of the pond. 

I have to agree with Kes.  It’s not as if you would be taking young children for a couple hours visit. I find it challenging being around young children for extended periods of time, much less hosting children I don’t know for a weekend.

Could you maybe compromise and stay in a hotel or air BnB closer to your father?  That way, your BF could take his children to visit for shorter periods of time over the weekend, while giving you and your father more peaceful time as well?

If you got lucky, maybe a place on the beach or with a pool so it would be so very exciting for the little ones, vs spending time with your grumpy old father? Who could say no to your concern for the kids?

I have been with my DH for 15 years... his girls were 5 and 9 when we met.  My dad is also not a super big kid person, but sometimes when we visited him... we had one or both the girls with us.  NOw visits were typically drive up for lunch.. not overnight/vacation type deals.  My dad has never really seen these kids as grandchildren.  In fact, now my dad has a bio grandchild through my brother.. and is actually not overly interested in the kid yet either (he is 5.. so maybe when he is older they will click more).

I think that taking your SO's kids on this trip sounds like a bad idea... not just because of your dad and brother.. but because you also want it to be an adult vacation.  It's rude to tack other people (even related) onto an invitation.  These kids are NOT your dad's relatives directly.. nor your brother's.

So... what does this mean when you have your own bios?  well.. maybe THEY won't be welcome at weekend retreats with your dad and brother either!  Now, he may show more interest.. but you never know... he might be just as awkward or disinterested in them too.. at least until they are older.

As far as your SO's kids are concerned.. if your dad shows your bio kid some amount of preference.. they are old enough to understand that he isn't their grandfather and that they already have 2 others (unless they don't I guess).. but that they are related differently to this guy.  But, you can also make it clear to dad that he needs to not show preferential treatment in front of the skids.. but in the end, you can't make your dad have a connection he is not inclined to have.

This doesn't necessarily make your father a bad person if he doesn't want to vacation with your SO's young kids.  I think more harm than good would come about by forcing it right now... I think your BF is wrong for expecting your dad to want to spend time with small kids when they aren't related to him.  Ithink he is entitled to want an adult vacation

I don't think your father is a terrible person for not seeing your stepchildren as grandchildren. My parents are the same way and none of my extended family deal with step relationships, so I've never grown up with any of it.

However, these relationships are prevalent on my husband's side of the family. DH has a stepfather who helped raise him and his two siblings and had two additional kids with DH's mom. DH's father died when he was very young. DH's stepfather treats all the grandkids as his own. He sees no difference. I've asked DH about his own childhood and he stated that he was always one of the grandkids with his stepfather's parents. None of the kids were ever treated differently in any way. However, I see how DH and his siblings treat their stepfather at times. Granted, his stepfather is old-school with some views and stubborn, but they have never told him in the 28 years that they've known him that they love him.

My parents may not think of the skids as grandkids, but they are not mean. I never grew up getting presents, so it's not like my parents are treating the skids worse than DS3. They do, however, give me money to help provide for DS as I see fit - whether for stuff now or to save for a college fund. They know that if they want to visit me then the skids will be around. When they do visit, they cook meals and always try and accomodate the skids (more than I do). And, if they don't want to see the skids, they have to schedule on a week we don't have the skids, which they sometimes do. But, they will usually overlap a day or two when we do get the skids, so it's not like they are avoiding them. They are nice when they are around the skids, but it's definitely not a grandparent-type relationship that the skids are used to with DH's mom and stepfather. But, even they don't treat DH's stepfather as nice as they treat DH's mother, which sort of makes me mad and justifies to me that my parents nor I need to treat everyone equally. SD has told me in the past that DH's stepfather is not "really" her grandfather. That made me really sad for DH's stepfather who, from my point of view, has never treated her anything but his most beloved and only granddaughter. Plus, he is the closest thing to a grandfather that she has, since BM's family is super effed-up and dysfunctional.

Additionally, the skids have never been to my parents' house. We schedule it on weekends that we don't have the skids and we also use the excuse that my parents' house is too small to fit everyone (which is true). DH has never indicated to me that he has a problem with it. He understands that my parents will not be like grandparents to the skids and he's fine with the amount of interaction they have.

I do agree with the fact that the skids feelings might be hurt if, when you have kids together, that your kids will go to granddad's beach house and they do not. I think in those cases you'll need to get a hotel on occasion so the skids don't feel left out. But, I don't see a problem with just you and your husband going. You two can have lives completely separate from the skids when they are not with you.

The red card is your BF expecting your dad to play grandpa to kids he has only laid eyes on a handful of times over a mere two years.

If your BF wants to play one big family, maybe he should try proposing first. Many people in your life won't jump to commit to his kids if he hasn't even committed to you yet.

Your dad is not a terrible person for not gushing over random kids. And you aren't a terrible person for wanting to consider his comfort in his own home. Your bf is being an unrealistic baby for throwing a fit.

Ehh, i've had SD in my life since she was 2 (shes 6 now) and my mom still doesn't look forward to visits with her. We had our own baby 11 months ago and my mom LOVES seeing him. When we're all together, she treats the kids fairly and gushes over both but I know she prefers when we visit while SD is at her moms because then she can focus on BS like she wants to. There's nothing wrong with it. My mom's not a big kid person but she's got a connection with my son because I'm her youngest so it's "her baby's baby" ya know? 

My husband hasn't commented on it but I'm sure he's noticed it. He probably just appreciates that she tries to keep it equal when SD is there. He doesn't see SD as a special snowflake though lol he knows she can be annoying. 

The Red Card is on your BF.  Not your dad.

No your father is not a horrible person.  If he is ... so am I.  I have almost zero ability to tolerate misbehaved spawn.  Particularly the spawn of others.  Since I did not tolerate inappropriate behavior from my kid (Former SS-26, now adopted) I have even less tolerance for the spawn of others.

My parents accepted my SS as their own G-Spawn from nearly day one.  He was ~17mos old when they met and was an extremely mellow toddler.  Since he was raised with them as his grandparents we have never had to do a blend thing as far as extended Rags clan family or my IL clan are concerned.  My niece was born when SS was 18mos old and 5mos before my bride and I married. So though my SS is my parents eldest GKid, he is not their first.

Anyway, my dad can't stand kids.  His own he enjoys very much, others kids... not so much.... Though with a couple of exceptions.  Not necessarily including his GKids.  When a child sets foot in my parents home they immediately comply with my parents stipulated behavioral standards or the fecal matter hits the rotary oscillating device (The shit hits the fan)  instantly. 

There is a reason why my friends and my brother's friends do not bring their kids to my parents home.  The peculiar thing is that all 4 of my parents grandkids have very close relationships with my parents.  Even though all four kids have upon occasion reaped the consequences of behavioral indiscretions in my parents home.

I have a similar philosophy regarding children.  My friends generally keep their kids far from me because I call the kid and the parent on toxic kid behaviors.  I have zero tolerance for that crap.  No climbing on furniture, no screaming banshee sprints through the house, restaurants, etc.... , no touching of anything without prior permission, etc, etc, etc.....

While the integration of my SKid into my family was nearly instantaneous the development of strong connections between my Skid and my parents, particularly my dad, took time.  A looooooong time.

Your BF trying to rush and force this connection is a self fulfilling defeatist policy IMHO.  He needs to back off. 

And... your BF needs clear  understanding that adult vacations can, should and need to happen without any kids in the picture.  This is one of those times IMHO.  If this is to be a durable relationship for  you and SO,  the phased connection between your SKids and your dad and the inclusion of the Skids in trips to your dad's beach property can happen over time at a managed pace.  The fact is that only your dad can determine if  your SKids will be his GKids.  You can't force it,  your BF cant force it and neither of you should even try.  If you add your own spawn to the mix the entire dynamic may change as your SKids will be the sibs of  your dad's BioGrandSpawn and not just "my daughter's boyfriend's prior relationship children."  I would suggest that you phase into the shallow end of this pool.  Meet  your dad with your BF and his kids for a picnic at a park where the kids can be kids in a space that is not your father's. 

Give it time, act and adjust as events unfold.  If your BF is hell bent on forcing this issue, he very likely isn't the right guy to be your equity life partner.

Good luck.

And welcome. I hope that you find this to be a good place to vent, contribute and to pick up some useful advice and perspective from others who are living the blended family dream.

There is nothing wrong with your dad and to be honest he's not obligated to entertain or want to be around anyone if he so chooses. Not many people have arms wide open to welcome children in their lives, especially children who are not related to them. This is just who your father is, its his preference to not want to be bothered by that. I understand that this may bother your BF but at the end of the day~ it is, what it is and your fathers wishes should be respected being that its his home.

You can't force other to love or want to be around a child and to be honest I wouldn't want someone around that doesn't want to be either. There could be a compromise like another poster suggested like visiting for a few hours instead of making it a weekend thing but your dad is not obligated to do a d@mn thing if you ask me.

Your dad is fine. Your bf is being a poop.

Hes your BOYFRIEND. Maybe your dad sees it as your not married and bf's kids are not related to him in any way. 

It's your dad's choice to invite who he wants. As an invited guest its NOT okay for your bf to invite his kids along and force them on your dad.

Let bf and his kids stay somewhere else or you go visit your dad yourself.