Skids want to spend time with their Dad ONLY
We have a blended family and SS10 has been saying he wants to move out for awhile now. Sad 
We have talked about it as a family and decided we would do more things together. The problem is now Ss10 wants to spend time with just his dad and totally exclude myself and ds9.
I understand he needs some time with his dad alone, and he is taking him on errands and snuggling with him more. But it has gotten to the point where SS10 wants to go to the movies with just them and not us. We have pretty limited income, so it is a big deal to go out. DH has explained to SS that we are a family and that just doesn't seem fair, but SS is never happy.
Are we being unreasonable? I think part of the problem is that SS's BM is remarried to a gut who lost custody of his children, so SS never has to compete for attention.
Not sure, any thoughts?
I think it is ok for him to
I think it is ok for him to spend some time alone with dad. All kids like one on one time occassionally-but that's what is should be occassional. He can exclude you and your son altogether. It could be that he spends one Friday night a month with his son doing something special and you can spend that same night with your kid doing something special.
YOu are a family and no your
YOu are a family and no your SS should not expect to do everything with only his dad - if you let him do this and start to give in it will never end and it divides a family more than unites it - if the kid wants to spend more time alone with his father then let him sit in the kitchen and have long talks with his dad and tell him what is going on - this is just one more way that these kids get both parents to spend excessive amounts of money on them because of the poor me I was a child of divorce but do you know what so was your son and he is not being a brat - tell your DH to spend some time with him but even in a bio family the kids don't spend all of their time with their parents - you are not being unreasonable and let him suck up the only child syndrome at BM's and learn to be part of a family at your home - your home - your rules not the other way around!!!
Thanks for your responses! I
Thanks for your responses!
I am okay with some alone time, it is healthy. I'm just disturbed because, like I said, we have limited income and if we go out I think it should be together!
SS doesn't have this problem at BM house, they have plenty of money. Even the few things we have done as a family SS seems to remember that it was with his BM, not us. Like he can't remember anything GOOD we do together
It is quite depressing.
My fiance and I have four
My fiance and I have four kids between the two of us. We do what we call Saturday Adventure, which sometimes happens on Saturday and sometimes doesn't! lol Anyway, the point of it is one on one time with the kids. He and I take turns, one Saturday he takes one kid out somewhere, the next , I take one out. We keep a chart of whose turn it is to go with whom. The kids enjoy this and so do we. We are also on a limited income, so the trips are often things that are free, a hike down a new trail, a trip to the park with packed lunch, ice cream out, etc. It doesn't matter really what you do. Each kid gets to feel special on their own day and it is a fun opportunity to get to have that one on one bond with each of them.
Alone time with dad can be as
Alone time with dad can be as often as you and dh decide- once a month, once a week, once every few months. Also, alone time with dad does not have to cost money or does not have to cost a lot of money. We do this a lot with our bios. Every now and then dh or I will take ONE bio to do something to spend time with just them. Ideas for your dh and his son:
- going to the park
- spend the day doing something ss likes (riding bikes, skate park, library, making/building something, etc)
- taking him to lunch or dinner (costs $ but cheaper than taking 4 people out. Can even be dollar menu at mcd)
- fishing
- going to see a matinee on a Saturday (1st showing is cheapest)
- rent a redbox movie ($1) and 'campout' in ss room
- sports activities
- take ss to store to buy BBQ things that only he and dh will BBQ, but the meal is for everyone. (it costs money but it is also dinner for he whole family. Can even do just cheap hotdogs.)
anyway, just ideas. Dh is learning how to spend time with ss withiut spending a lot of money. Hope these ideas help.
This is a slippery slop. I
This is a slippery slop. I am okay with some alone time, walks and watching TV together. Things that don't cost money. But, family time out for just them, is over indulgent to the kid. Especially if you can't afford it.
SD14 did this to us and DH tried and tried. But, ultimately we ended giving her away to her mom. If she got a little, she wanted more and she just became a real problem. Now she is living with BM full time and DH has little contact. She manipulated everyone. Thankfully she is no longer here and causing all the stress. Maybe if DH had handled it firmly with her in the begininng, she would not have manipulated herself right out of our lives. It started exactly the same. She wanted "alone" time with DH.
Yep. Couldn't agree with you
Yep. Couldn't agree with you 2 more. My SD went back to live with her mom at age 14, her decision, largely because of that type of thing. Plus she acted like she was in charge of the house, which didn't go over so well with me. It's soooo frustrating that many DHs fall for that, hook line and sinker. I believe that if my DH had set boundaries in the beginning, it could have been different for us, but it is still a sore spot ten years later.
This is beautiful! I wish we
This is beautiful! I wish we could have started this months ago.
I fear it is too late, though. SS has been textng his mom at night constantly saying he is bored here and desperately wants to be with BM. The only reason he is still here is because SO said no to him moving out. Now, BM has something up her sleeve, and is constantly trash talking SO.
Is he really that unhappy here, or is it a projection encouraged by his BM? My BS is fine, straight As, well adjusted, and happy! They play and laugh, we do things when we can. I even go to SS sporting events. But I am horrible in his eyes.
When do you just let them move out? SO will be devastated. We already lost his Daughter to the bad mouthing mom.
I am also starting to worry
I am also starting to worry about BM. She had been committed twice after having the two youngest children for post-partum depression, and has always been erratic in behavior.
Recently she said she thinks SS is being mentally abused at our house!!! I am horrified! Like I said earlier, my son is perfectly happy. I am worried that something this crazy person does will affect custody of my own child! (even though that is remote, my ex lives on the other side of the country and we get along fine, but STILL!)
I agree...I think it's
I agree...I think it's manipulation, and he knows he can do it! All he has to mention is that he's not happy and wants to go live with BM and everyone snaps to it and does as he pleases. Tread very lightly. When SD24 was 14, she decided to go live with BM. Bear in mind BM slept with everyone in town, then bailed on DH and the kids when they were 5 and 7 years old, so she had/has NO idea how to be a parent. When SD moved there at 14, it was like getting a condo at Disneyland! No rules, do whatever you want, no consequences. And the best part was, whenever she wanted Daddy for anything, he was just so glad for her attention that he hopped in the car and went running to her. By the time SD was 16, she had quit school, and was "in love" with a convicted felon who she followed half way across the country. It was all good, though, because BM just wanted her "to be happy". Sigh...now, at 24, she is a disaster.
Like I said, tread lightly because everything you do today affects everything tomorrow.