Your problems sound awfully minor compared to most on here. It appears that you BM is out of the picture, which is a plus. Your future skids seem to care about you, as well as accept you - also a plus. Most people on this site would gladly trade circumstances with you.

I am not sure if you should get married or not, but these are not major problems. Maybe you just aren't cut out for parenthood?

So now they would be only 7 and 6 and clearly have been through a lot. Some children are naturally clingy cuddly types some are not, we are all different. Maybe it is the instability that they previously had in their lives that has just left them feeling insecure.......but one thing is not an if or a maybe, if you are feeling this way about those kids, they SENSE IT and that will make them more clingy and more insecure. 2 years ago you were happy to accept them calling you mom, now you cannot stand them because they are freakin clingy. You cannot blow hot and cold with anyone without them eventually feeling it, especially children. Before cancelling the wedding and you absoluely should if you truly feel this way, talk to your fiance and tell him exactly how you feel, if you cannot be honest and open with him about this so the two of your can work on this issue together, then that in itself is a problem and for that reason you should cancel the wedding. Now, that was harsh, but it is not meant to be mean, it is meant to get you thinking about this whole situation. You cannot marry this man if you cannot tell him honestly how you feel about his children, that really is starting your married life living a lie, not a good start is it. You cannot allow these kids to call you mom, then decide to back off because things didn't go the way you planned, it is not fair to the kids, and none of this is their fault. But most of all you are only 26, a very young woman with your whole life ahead of you, starting a marriage with these feelings of uncertainty, well that is not only unfair to your fiance, his kids, but it is unfair to you. Do not trap yourself into something you are feeling uncomfortable with. Marriage is all fun and games to get into, but a divorce, that is no picnic, there are no fun and games in that so, talk this over now with your fiance and let the two of you make the decision to go ahead with the marriage as planned or not. Good Luck.

I also think you should postpone. Think about it.....you are already feeling suffocated and uneasy about their klingy relationship with you. If you postpone your wedding for the right reasons, you will have nothing but time to work things out. It seems like some pre-step family counseling is necessary here so you'll be more fully informed of what you're getting involved in and have some plan of action with your future hubby to deal with these issues. If you marry first and then try to work things out, you'll start your new life backpeddling to stay afloat. A sure recipe for disaster.
I am a new blogger on this website and wrote a letter about my recent experience of being a stepfamily for 5 yrs that just recently ended in my moving out. I wish sooo bad that I had A) listened to my gut instinct, received some counseling ahead of time to learn what I didn't know, and C)read more websites like this one and the book called "stepmonster" ........getting educated about stepfamily life beforehand is truly the best way to be successful. I wish you the best of luck. You are young still yourself but you sound like you have a wonderful and warm heart. I'm sure those kids won't even know how lucky they are to have found you in their life. Also,,,they have already been thru some tough times with their mother's inability to meet their needs, so the best thing you could do for them is be sure you are the one to take on this enormous task of stepparenting so that they don't ever have to go through another loss like that one.....Good luck and God bless you..........

I worry that you go ahead w it because the invites are out and your mom wants to see her little girl get married. I knew I was rushing things when I got married. I should have put it off. The money you lose now is worth the Peace of mind you'll get knowing you chose your need to make an informed and well thought out decision. Kids are exhausting...there is trouble ahead w BM. Get into counseling to get on same page re: Parenting roles, what will happen when BM renters picture, will you 2 have kids, how is money handled, how to get your SK to stop whining, "ic you need me i want you to------ and I will come as soon as I can. Faster for emergencies". etc. Good luck to you...and keep us Posted!

If you don't feel good about it, don't do it. Maybe it's something you'll be able to work through, & if that's the case, you can marry when you reach that point.

I won't tell you to run. If we were to run from everything we experience frustration & difficulty with, we'd end up running from everything.

That said, keep in mind what's been mentioned. BM will be their mother forever. Even if she isn't physically present, she will ALWAYS be in stories, pictures, memories, & thoughts. There will always be remnants of her having been in their lives...all of them.

If BM honestly does suffer with real mental illness, it is something that may be passed on to her children. Not certainly, but possibly.

Don't stay to make things look good to family & friends. Don't stay because you feel bad leaving this man to care for his children. Don't stay because you feel bad about the girls not having a mother.

If you stay, stay because that's where you want to be. Stay because you feel happiness there.

Obviously you have questions & doubts about this wedding. Don't get married if you're not certain it's what YOU want. Don't be one of the women who comes here in search of sanity because "you didn't know what you were getting into" or because you "didn't sign up for this".

Too many women get married for the big day & then find themselves in a home filled with children they hate & a husband who crawls to cover leaving his wife to deal with kids who disrespect & hate her right back.

Until you can say you want to be with this man & his children without question or doubt, don't marry him.

I am not going to say either way if you should get married or not...but take a few things into consideration PRIOR to making that decision.

1. Weddings cause a lot of stress. Kids + wedding = NOT FUN!

2. You have been there for 3 years and within that time, if things were really getting to you, the relationship should have been called off before getting engaged. If things have just started getting to you, consider yourself stressed.

3. If the kids hated you and their BM were still in their life, would you consider backing out of the wedding? If the answer is yes, maybe it is not the kids that are the problem, maybe it is their dad.

4. Kids are sometimes clingy over the fear of loss. Face it, their BM is not really a part of their life so perhaps they feel the need to hang on to the only other mother figure they know. A 5 & 7 yr old girl are very impressionable at this age.

5. Walking out now may cause resentment within the kids and their father, perhaps breaking off the entire relationship or causing serious insecurities with you.

Look, I am not trying to talk you into doing something that you do not want to do. But you knew the guy had kids and you knew the situation they were in with their mom. It is not their fault for the insecurities they feel. A simple sit down talk with the girls and their father may be what you need to vent your frustrations. But it really sounds as if you have your mind made up. If this marriage thing doesn't happen, perhaps you should refrain from entering into another relationship when kids are involved. It is not fair for anyone. Good luck!

The title of your post and screen name alone screams DON'T DO IT, even without reading the details. After reading the details and seeing some similarities to my own position 9 years ago still leads me to answer DON'T DO IT!

I recently got married to a man with a 4 year old daughter after EVERYONE I know (and everyone on this site who I do not know!) told me to RUN! I wish I had listened. I love my husband with all my heart but I can't stand his bratty, clingy little "princess." I can't even sit next to DH on the couch without her squeezing in between. I can't have a conversation with my own husband without her interrupting because she can't stand when she is not the center of attention. Some people will say all kids are clingy, etc- not true. I have been around kids all my life and have 3 Godchildren and SD is the worst I have seen yet. How does your finace respond to the behavior? I think that's a big thing to consider. My DH thinks I am crazy whenever I mention any wrongdoing by his little princess. In his eyes, she can do no wrong. The world revolves around her. It actually is like THEY are husband and WIFE and I am the other woman or something lol. I wish I had listened to everyone's advice when they told me DO NOT become a stepmother.