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Online school refuses DH access

It_Never_Ends's picture
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So co-parenting with BM has been an absolute nightmare. There has been a Parenting Plan (PP) in place for years and yet she still manages to make the situation miserable. She has done everything she can to turn SD against DH. We thought as SD got older she would maybe see through everything her mother is doing, but unfortunately she has turned out to be a replica of BM :(  Anyway, in their PP it states that both parents are to be given unrestricted access to all school records and information. This has been an uphill battle for DH. I dont know what BM is telling these schools but their always reluctant to say anything to him or give him information regardless of the court ordered PP. This is the second time BM has wanted to put SD in online school (other then being forced to during covid) and once again she is refusing to give access to DH. When she first brought this up at the end of August about doing online school vs in-person, DH said he was fine with it but that he would need access to her schooling. She told him that she didn't see a spot on the application for another parents information but that she was sure she could figure something out. Well, when it came time and SD was enrolled he still didn't receive anything. So he asked for it again and she pretty much lost it. She said things like "Why do you need access?" "I can just send you everything" (meaning screenshots & pictures off the computer screen) "It only say's in the PP that your only to be adviced of her schooling" (not true lol). She said she will not give him access to the account because her 2 other children are connected to it. He told her that he doesn't want access to her other kids info just their daughter and that there has to be some way the school can give him seperate access because they can't be the only split family that attends. She continued to be aggressive and insulting. Using all caps in her messages and still refusing to help at all. So, Dh had to contact the school himself. When he called he explained the situation and the woman said there was nothing she could do unless the "Caregiver" (BM) calls and tells them he can have access. He told her there is a court ordered PP and she said theres nothing she could do. So he ended up sending out emails to 3 different departments stating that there is a court ordered PP in place that says both parents are to have unrestricted access to school records and information and that BM is not cooperating, and pretty much looking for help from them to get access. They refuse. They just keep saying that the "Caregiver" has to grant access. Wth....I don't get it. Since when does this woman's word override a court ordered PP??? This is blowing my mind. What are we supposed to do now? 

tog redux's picture

Threaten them with an attorney.  That usually gets schools to cooperate. If you can, get an attorney to call/write/email them.

It_Never_Ends's picture

That was my first thought. Dh thought if he said anything like that, that they would have a bunch of lawyers just sitting their on retainer to respond with. We unfortunately don't have the means to hire an attorney ourselves. I wish we did because this might be alot easier. 

ESMOD's picture

This shouldn't be a terribly expensive thing to get a lawyer to write a short letter to the school to attach with the court order.. His lawyer who handled the divorce could likely get it done.. 

It's not like you are literally trying to hire the attorney to sue the school and gearing up for THAT fight.. you are simply providing the school with the legit CO and strongly worded letter from the lawyer...  I would also research to get to the highest person you can there at the online school organization.. not just the people that answer the phone.

BM will continue to deny him access.. the school may need more prodding to comply.. but usually they aren't interested in tangling with a lawyer providing clear proof that he needs access.  It's really the only choice you have I guess.

notarelative's picture

FERPA rights are given to both parents. The school may assume that a parent has these rights unless it has evidence to the contrary. The school does not need the permission of the custodial parent to give access to the non-custodial parent. Evidence to the contrary is a court order or state law revoking these rights, not the word of BM.

It's an online school, but this woman is sitting in an office. DH could to show up, with a copy of his order in hand, and ask to be added. When refused he could ask for the court documentation that removed his rights. 

I doubt the school has a bunch of lawyers. My guess is that, like most schools, there is a lawyer they use. He might get this resolved by talking to their lawyer who should want  to keep the school out of court when they are so obviously in the wrong.

Or he could file for contempt pro se (without a lawyer). He has BM's emails as evidence of her refusal.

tog redux's picture

I agree. They don't have a bunch of lawyers, and schools do not want to get into legal battles, like everyone else on the planet. If he provides his Court Order and threatens an attorney, they will change their tune. 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Pull up Ferpa and send a copy to the school. Tell them if they don't follow it you will have no choice but to bring in a lawyer. They do not have a bunch of lawyers, do not worry about that.

Thumper's picture

Ma'am do you live relatively close to the school?

As noted above, dh can take his court order into the school. He can always go the schools superintendent office as well. Just google key words. 

I am so sorry you are experiencing this. It is very common with high conflict. 

Let us know how you make out, ok?

Good Luck