They are the scum of the earth, they can't be cured, no 2nd chances, I will never feel sorry for them.

You can't change a coward.

Domestic violence is a crime, a choice if you will. Recidivism is likely for most criminals.

Violence isn't an illness... it is a crime and as such ... there is no "cure" though they certainly can learn and choose to make better choices though it is a rare thing for a violent criminal to actually make that change.

So... no, I don't feel sorry for violent criminals regardless of their background. They each made the decision to be a violent criminal and are as such undeserving of sympathy.

If anything I despise them for their choices. They earn something other than disgust only by choosing some other action than violent crime on a second by second basis for the rest of their lives.

IMHO of course.

Domestic Violence is painted with a wider brush than it was even 10 years ago.

During my PRE marriages and Pre kids,
I was assaulted and held against my will for over 5hours. It was not until my abuser fell asleep on the kitchen floor that I was able to, ever so quietly, break free. I tell you this not for sympathy. But to say I experienced DV

It makes me sick to think of all the women/moms who lie about DV to gain upper hand in divorce and custody cases.

NO I do not think violent persons can be cured. Same goes for sexual predators, murders. Nor do I think the women who lie about dv will stop either.

We shall see the results of DV courts in a few years. Our county recently opened one and they are similar to drug courts where sentencing focuses on rehab and therapy rather than incarceration.

I think this approach could work, if intervention is done immediately and therapy is ongoing. I don't think a repeat offender who is only in therapy because they are ordered to be has much of a desire to be "cured."

My sympathy for someone's experiences dries up when they use it as an excuse as to why they are violent.

What are everyones thoughts on domestic violence offenders? I think domestic violence offenders should be in jail.
Can they be cured? No.
Can they be trusted? No.
Do they deserve a second chance if they are in therapy? No.
Do you feel sorry for these offenders because they come from backgrounds of trauma and do they deserve sympathy because of it? No.

Honey, I am expert on this. I've had my ribs broken, nose broken several times, skull fractured, teeth pulverized, wads of my hair pulled out, soft tissue scars on my face, strangulation marks on my throat, huge blood clots on my eyeballs. I have been beaten beyond recognition. Think Nicole Brown Smith. I'm lucky to be alive. I have been to tons of counselling on this issue. Take my word, these men never get better, regardless of whatever bullsh!t lies come out of their mouths. And no, I don't feel sorry for them. Everyone has a sad story, and most people don't grow up to be abusers.

Read "Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft
(hint: because he wants to and he can)

The only thing I disagreed with in this book is he said some of these men are not narcissists, then he goes on to describe them as entitled and lacking empathy. I had a "duh" moment with that.

It's not something that can be cured because it's not a disease. They can change, but for some abusers it is a long road.

My DH has slammed me into a wall twice in our 16 years of marriage. Anger management classes helped him. My setting limits helped more. He is bipolar and combat related PTSD. These are not excuses; they explain his irrational actions. He is medicated and receiving therapy. We both quit consuming alcohol as well.

My last relationship was with an older man, who was and still is a police officer. He beat the sh*t out of me more than once. I was so mentally messed up that I believed I deserved every bit of it. I doubt that he will ever seek help.

No cure.  Not trustworthy.  No second chances.  No sympathy.  

Yes, I think it CAN happen that abusers change and become non-abusers. 

Just like I learned to not tolerate it anymore. I don't have to be a DV victim forever. But it took a lot of work. And, of course, I was much more motivated to change because i was the one who was taking the abuse. 

I see my SO is more in his victim mindset than I am, because I think it's sometimes harder for men to recognise or accept that they have been the victim in an abusive relationship. He still has problems being assertive in his needs. But he's getting better now that he sees he won't be abused for asking for some 'me' time or for making a genuine mistake. Or even for being a grumpuss (he was this morning! - but it's generally grumpiness he doesn't take it out on me - and he apologised). 

Do I think it's likely that an abuser will change? No. It's much, much more likely that they won't. 

Do I think anyone else owes them a chance that jeopardises their own safety and sanity? No. 

Do I feel sorry for them? Yes, I do a bit. But not much.