13 yo SD co-sleeping
My husband and I both slept with our children as single parents and tried to break that when we got married 10 months ago and all moved to a new home but fell back into our old habits. We both have 8 year olds that are same sex as each of us but he also has a 13yo daughter. I brought up to him once that I felt like that was too old and crossing the line of being inappropriate for him to be sleeping with her. During the conversation he agreed but it was completely swept under the rug and nothing changed (at the time she was 12). So after several months and her turning 13, I cautiously brought it up again and again, he agreed. He said he had talked with her about it. Since then, he will lay in bed with her for a while, sometimes just until she falls asleep and sometimes he also falls asleep and stays in there half the night. Either way, when she gets tired, no matter what anyone else is doing, she asks him to go to bed with her and he does. I find it totally inappropriate, weird, creepy, gross and potential for serious man/daddy issues in her adolescent years. She is very immature for her age but she is also manipulative and he is totally blind to all of it. Help!!!
Oh yeah, I can't leave out
Oh yeah, I can't leave out that many times when SS8 is not here, hubby will not only go to bed with sd13 but will get up and come downstairs for something after 30 mins- an hour and then go get back in bed with her even if she is asleep. This is gross and wrong right???
Here's my advice, when you
Here's my advice, when you stop co-sleeping with your child then you can preach to your husband. I am also in agreement with Sally. If you knew about this before marriage then you really knew this was a distinct possibility.
This is part of my hesitation
This is part of my hesitation in bring it up repeatedly. I don't want to make an issue of something I am somewhat guilty of myself. But in this case it's not the c-sleeping I am uncomfortable with, it's the age of the child of the opposite sex. So, do you think I'm wrong to continue bringing it up? I don't have an issue with, or say anything about him sleeping with his younger son when he is the one here.
I think you are both wrong &
I think you are both wrong & I am pro co sleeping In young children.
Your DH is the adult here. He
Your DH is the adult here. He can tuck her in, say his good nights and be done with it. You're saying that the 13 yr old is "very immature for her age but she is also manipulative," where do you think she learned that from? You DH has allowed this to go on and on. He's awfully immature to be sleeping with his teen daughter, he's manipulating you by saying yes it will stop then sweeping it under the rug. He's not blind to it because he's getting some ego reward for it.
It needs to stop now or you'll have CPS investigating your entire family.
13 is a little old for co
13 is a little old for co sleeping. Especially for a child of the opposite gender. Your DH sounds like a creeper.
No, she has always slept
No, she has always slept independently at BM's house, where she predominantly stays. So it's not that she can't fall asleep by herself. DH absolutely feeds into her baby in and still sees her as his baby girl and is blind to how weird and inappropriate this is
Point: it's meeting some
Point: it's meeting some needs for DH. Makes me wonder.
Thankfully she is not
Thankfully she is not menstruating and can hardly say she has breasts, and he does not stay all night with her anymore. Regardless, the age and even the fact that she shaves her legs is enough for me
Menstruating or not. Fertile
Menstruating or not. Fertile or not. Breasts or simply nubs. Secondary sexual characteristics (shaving legs) are emerging. You are right to be very, very wary.
As I said earlier, DH has some big needs being met by this interchange. I say "big needs" because it smacks of Electra/Oedipus, or whatever manifestation of his own lost parenting or some ego-gratification or guilt, and mainly because it EXCLUDES his wife! You are not this child's mother, but the exclusivity of this nighttime behavior is weird.
CPS red flags which could absolutely ruin your life.
That's not on. I agree that
That's not on. I agree that you both need to stop co-sleeping with the other same sex kids BUT that is still no excuse for a 13yo to be sharing a bed with her dad.
i feel grossed out when my partner and hi sister talk about her periods and cramps!! My boundaries are different to most people's I suppose.
Thanks for all the input. I
Thanks for all the input. I needed some reassurance that it's not all me and I certainly got it. He doesn't stay all night in her bed since the last time I brought it up, he does get up and move to our bed at some point during the night. I guess my concern is more about her wanting him in the bed and him allowing it for anything more than a tuck-in. I feel that if she wants to lie down and watch TV with him it can be done in a community area. And btw, she has not started her period and barely has mosquito bites for breasts. Even still, she seems more like 10 or 11 but IS 13
When dh and I moved in
When dh and I moved in together I put a stop to that when I was expected to co-sleep with him and Puke. This is one many reasons Puke has such strong feelings of hate towards me. The thought of it creeped me out and still does.