Teenagers rebel, no matter who you are. Even boo-parents are hurt by them when they hit the teenage years. This is normal. What isn't normal, is your husband usurping your role as the parent. It really doesn't matter that they are not biologically yours. You raised them.

This is a marital problem. You need to have a talk with your DH. Tell him what you told us. Those kids live with you. I wouldn't back off. They need stability now more than ever. They are very lucky to have you in their lives.

Grieving the transitions in Life is normal. Our children, however they come into our life, are steadily growing away and growing apart.

You can only do so much !! I have FINALY learned my place in this step world ~ which is outcast.

I did the same for my SD what I would have done for my own. Was it strict ~ most definitely. When you push the envelope you get what you deserve. Tired of hearing all the excuses as to why SD does what she does. It has everything to do with how she was brought up by parents who continually justify her crappy behavior. She doesn't do it because her parents are divorced. She doesn't do it for any other reason then ~ she wants to do what she wants ~ when she wants. Could careless about the repercussions ~ it doesn't matter. DF used to hide her shitty behavior bc he didn't want his ex to go over board. Through the years I have been in their lives ~ he has realized that parenting with someone sho genuinely cares is a lot easier than the Narcassistic ex. The SD in turns ~ not hates ~ loathes me. And I am ok with that ~ I do not have to have her in my life ~ I chose not to have toxic people in my life. It doesn't make me a bad person ~ it makes me a sane person.

I do not dictate anything to my DF. He can have a relationship w his daughter without me.

You can't parent adults. Your SKs are 18 and 19 now. They should be in college (hopefully living on campus) and enjoying enjoying the next four years before real life kicks in. LOL

If the two adults are still living at home, (hopefully in college and/or working) and refuse to follow the house rules, show them the door.

Time to bare mommies and daddies idiot asses to make sure that they both and both kids clearly understand that YOU are the only REAL parent they have had.

Tell CFSD that you will continue to parent, set boundaries, enforce consequences, regardless of what BM or DH say. SD lives in your home and is YOUR child under your discipline until she graduates from HS and launches to her own life. If the kids, even though they are 18&19, are in your home they abide by your rules.

I would give DH clarity that he sucked as a father when they were young, you parented the kids, and he can't claim to be a father now that the kids are balking at the rules of the house now that they are burgeoning adults.

"I'm basically being told you have done great but they aren't little children anymore and we are ready to be parents". :jawdrop: :O :sick:

First, there is no "we" between BM and DH. Their "we" ended a decade or more ago. The only we is between you and DH and that he would even remotely take the stance he apparently has tells me you need to hand him nuts on a platter and forcibly remove his head from his ass for him on this issue.

What the kids are attempting is reasonably normal for late teen kids. Talk to your CFSD and tell her that you will always be her mother, you will always have her best interests at heart, and her growing up is a change and a challenge for you too.

My guess is that a nice dinner between you and SD then you and SS or you and both Skids together to discuss the current situation and relationship between you as their mom and them as burgeoning adults will be a good step in addressing the situation.

IMHO of course.

Good luck.

SD played the whoa is me card and it worked. OK, so there is her health to consider yes, but please, DH will have his hands full and will be begging for you to come back.

Repeat my mantra...."One day they will grow up and move out, one day they will grow up and move out." I have learned to count years now instead of weekends as DH and I have SD19 and SD13 FT. BM died in 2013..... On the bright side, you will have time to focus on you and your little guy. I hope that it works out for you. You deserve better, we all do, for the crap we put up with.

~ Moon

Sorry, I would not leave my home or marriage even for a chronically ill child. Time to bare DH's ass and ask him if he has ever observed you act in any way but loving and supportive of the CFSD or her brother? Then ask him if truly believes you ever would and how big of an ass must he be to allow himself to be victimized by the poow wittle sputum challenged SD? One of my best friends from JHS and HS had CF. He embraced life and lived it to the fullest before his disease finally killed him at a young age as it invariably does everyone who has CF. He passed away 7 years ago when he was 43. It was not a sorrowful or tragic event. He lived an amazing life of character. Something neither your DH nor CFSD would recognize if it bit them in the ass. When we were kids he used to tear off running home for his mom to pound of him to help clear his lungs then he would come tearing back to get back into the middle of whatever kid stuff we were doing. When we got a bit older and were in sports and other activities together I had work with a Respiratory Therapist to learn how to beat him properly to clear his lungs when we were on trips or out camping in remote locations.

Both this young lady and her daddy need to find some character.

Rather than moving change the locks and put DH and CFSD on the curb to see how life is without your caring commitment to rely on. Clarity will kick in their characterless skulls very quickly I forecast.

Boot them and keep your home intact for you and your child.

Take care of yourself and the little guy. Until DH and SD gain contact with character you and the little have to be your focus.

Deep breaths and keep your head up.