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Not Throwing Grad Party for SD18

momof5_1969's picture

Submitted by momof5_1969 on Thu, 06/06/2013 - 5:19pm

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Teenage Stepchildren

My SD18 moved out 1 week after she turned 18 -- gave us the whole "it's not you, it's me" crap. Then I've found out that she had badmouthed me around town -- a gal I go to church with believed SD18's lies, and of course, acted weird towards me. So whatever! So I found out that SD18 is telling people, among other things, that I'm mean and I hate all of her friends. Not true! That was enough to make me throw my hands up for good.

I told my DH that I was not going to do a party -- either plan or go to it, or go to her graduation. Her brother, SS20, treated me like crap at his grad party and graduation -- so why would I subject myself to more ??

Thankfully, my DH is being understanding. He knows what shits his kids are.

SS20 also wanted us to take all of them out to dinner (easily $150) -- I told my DH no -- I'm not spending $150 for everyone to eat ONE MEAL! So we were going to do a dinner at our hose -- I got to the point where I did not want to even do dinner at our house -- due to various things done by all skids. I'm done. Seriously done!

I know there are some people who have no idea what this is like, are judging me and thinking I'm a terrible person for not "sucking it up" -- but I don't care anymore. I'm done. I don't want to be around his kids EVER anymore.

dacejk60's picture

Submitted by dacejk60 on Sat, 06/08/2013 - 6:34am

Im with you. Because were often treated like a doormat (less the ten seconds theyre wanting something) feeling like a doormat may feel acceptable. It's not. Disengage. :).
Ps - 18 and 20 huh? Wow im jealous. How long have you known them?

momof5_1969's picture

Submitted by momof5_1969 on Sat, 06/08/2013 - 12:17pm

I've known them for about 8 years. I came into their lives during the teen years -- which bites. Worst time in a kids life, and now add a step mom! I was so stupid to think that this wouldn't be a disaster.

momof5_1969's picture

Submitted by momof5_1969 on Sat, 06/08/2013 - 12:21pm

My DH this am begged me to come to her party. Said hardly nobody is coming to the party, and he is worried about how this will make her feel. She has very low self esteem as it is (not my fault), and he is worried that this will be a bad experience for her. I SO don't want to go. My SD18, SS20, SS23 and his fiancée will all be there. I've been here, done that before -- and it's just so awkward an uncomfortable for me.

He just thinks that if I quit trying that it will never get better. I told him I'm tired of being the one, and then getting hurt in the process.

Still on the fence here as to whether I'm going or not -- even though DH wants me there.

momto3's picture

Submitted by momto3 on Thu, 06/13/2013 - 7:50am

I'm not throwing one for my SD18 either. She moved out the day she turned 18 & hasn't looked back. No calls, no visits, no communication at all. DH has decided to go to the graduation even though he wasn't technically invited (only SD15 was). He asked me if I was going & I'm pretty sure I laughed....um, no way in hell.

I busted my butt throwing a party for SD27 ten years ago, even handmade the invitations for her & at the last minute she told me it would be better if I stayed home from the actual ceremony & got all the food ready for the party :jawdrop: Learned my lesson!

SD15 says they're just going out to lunch after the graduation, but I have no desire to endure any length of time with either of the older SD's and BM (who after four years has weaseled her way back in).

I know how you feel, you always end up getting hurt & it's just not worth it!