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SS 17 - Lying, Stealing, ETC

bwhit72's picture

Defiant SS17 year old that lies, steals, etc. For over 5 years now I've been involved, married for almost 2 and he never learns a lesson or changes his behavior. He has stolen from us repeatedly and we have installed cameras, just last night 10.00 disappeared from the table and he is the one on camera taking it...again. He is teaching our younger children misguided behavior and I am beyond over dealing with him. This behavior along with the fact that he is very disrespectful to me and tries to break us up constantly is becoming more than overwhelming. Last year he called the police and told them I had beat him before school and shoved his head into a wall. I now make him go to his grannys house when his dad is away and can't be there with him. Luckily we have cameras for backup and it was proven that he lied about all of that. I'm ready to RUN!

bwhit72's picture

he feels stuck between the two. I am NOT asking him to choose me over him just do something. Obviously years in, grounding doesnt work. What other options are there at this point? I asked him to let him go live with his nanny, who OFFERED...we didn't use her as an out of any means but she said she would let him stay there until he is 18 in 8 months.

SteppedOut's picture

So, this has been going on for YEARS with no resolve. Years. Nothing has changed.

You have 2 choices:

1. Accept this poor behavior.

2. Leave.

Nothing changes if nothing changes. 


Rags's picture

Did anyone sit him down, review the footage with him, then call the police?

If not, why not?

bwhit72's picture

not yet. We are at work, I looked at the camera this morning once I realized I never picked up the money and it was gone. So, he is at school and we are not home. 


Kelly_thestepmum_in20s's picture

Sad that ss has this bad habit in him. Hopefully, he will drop this habit. 

I can relate to this, when I met my DH (the sd was 4 and she used to steal money from her BM's purse, shoplifting sweets). Long story short, one day on our way out from the shop, we've got stopped by the security guards to inform us that sd has stolen sweets. Dh was shocked & disappointed cos he didn't know this. Hence the BM knows everything about D shoplifting but she never informed him. She narrated how she has stopped taking the D to shops with her, since she doesn't know how to talk to her. DH punished her and had a good talk with her. Sd [7] now, I think she has stopped it and we're testing her by leaving little coins laying around to see if she's still doing it. 

Harry's picture

For not parenting his kid.  Put the real blame on the person who is doing nothing.  This is not going to stop until DH stop it. 

bwhit72's picture

Grandma snet him packing after 6 weeks of his BS. We are out of options as he will be 18 in 6 months but not graduate until next May. He is already back to his crappy behavior and disrespect and our house is back to full chaos....yay.

Rags's picture

18 is 18 and for an illbehaved adult sized shit of a kid the 18th B-day is Buh-bye day.  HS diploma or not.

I got that clarity at 16.  I had failed my first sophomore year of HS.  That summer I was informed that I was on my way to Military School.  We were at the airport putting my dad on a plane back home while mom and I had a few more weeks before dropping me off at Military School.  As we were waiting at the gate, I informed my parents that I would not go.  So, my dad grabbed his brief case, pulled out the checkbook, wrote me a check for $500 and told me that I was 16 and did not have to go to school if I didn't want to and to make sure that I write to my mom when I found a job and a place to live.

15 very quiet minutes later, I handed him the check back and told my parents that I had changed my mind.

Coddling is not a great parental strategy and sometimes immediately promoting a upity lippy kid to immediate adult status with immediate full "you are on your own" decisioning athority is exactly what it takes to motivate them to extricate their head from their own ass and get over a bout of Cranio-Rectitis.

Change the locks. Put him on day to day access status to the home and family and let him know that he no longer has to go to school but if he chooses to not go to school he will not get back in the house.  Give him a very clear picture that his 18th B-day is looming and if he does not want that to be Buh-bye day he had better get his head out of his ass.