How old is SD? Do you know why DH wants you around when she is there? Does he expect you to parent, or to act as a buffer? She is there to spend time with her Dad and with 50/50 custody her time there should be fairly normal. He shouldn't be entertaining her all the time. And there is no reason for you to have to stick around just because she is there. If you want to stay busy during the weeks she is there and less busy when she is not there, that sounds like the perfect plan!

You need to have a serious, calm sit-down discussion with your DH about how YOU see things and feel about the way it's going. Be very careful not to focus on the SD or him. Think about what YOU need to keep going; regular routine, time on your own, not your kid, etc. What are you willing to do? Have dinner together, fix a meal now and then, help him buy her needed items, etc. Get your boundaries straight for yourself so you can iterate them to him.

I did this and my DH and I are still together. We did have some pretty amazing fights/arguments, but all that resulted in me disengaging more and more. BUT he and I have a good relationship overall. That's what kept me in it. If my DH didn't eventually come to terms with my decisions about how my interactions with SDs would go (virtually none at this point) I likely wouldn't have stayed. Separate finances, you are not a disciplinarian, you are not a mother, you do not provide only fun and treats, you have your own schedule.

Does he ever picture grand kids in his future? Because if he does and keeps waiting hand and foot on widdle Princess poopy pants , no man will have her and you will be stuck with her hanging on forever.  
 

 No shame in getting out now.  Cut your losses  and leave this  $hitshow in rear view mirror.  
 

He can't parent like this and be a normal functioning spouse.  

Your DH is a nauseating level shit parent. His has his nose so far up  his spawn's ass that his head is likely not visible at all.

You married with some level of expectation of commitment, focus, and prioritization by your DH.  If he is proving to be incapable of delivering to those reasonable expectations, pull the plug, get an annullment and get on with your life with this failed kid butt sniffing daddy and his failed family breeding mistake fading in your past.

Enjoy recommiting to living  your best life.

Take care of you.

IMHO of course.

and have kids with you?   Where your and his kid. Baby will come first. Baby's need there parents.  SD will have a fit when she figures that one out .

you are in the no-win zone.

This will get worse over time not better, read my blogs and read around here.

SD25 Feral Forger and I are no contact.

SD17almost18 Princess Powersulk is graduating and I am counting down the days ...but I know it will never ever end there either.

Think it's time to star the exit plan.  It's not going to get better. SD will / does realize she has all the control.  You are third 

I used to get PTSD every weekend and every holiday my ex fiancés kids came over.
 

No joke - anxiety on Thursday at the mere thought of the territory invasion, pure panic attack as I see them pull into driveway and hear their loud voices all the way from outside a 2k sq ft house, depression as my weekend goes to sh*t having to acquiesce to the breeder/Disneyland dad/d0mestic terrorists, relief on Sundays  when they're leaving, irritation having to clean after them once their gone but at least glad this isn't every day, still on edge Sunday/Monday hoping they don't extend their visit or demand resources during breeders parenting time, then bliss Tuesday and Wednesday and gratitude that the school is the only entity providing structure they cannot deviate from, then sheer panic when school is out and no structure is in place  

The reason I felt the way I did.....

Those kids were loud, demanding, needy, clingy, lazy, who were raised to be resource sucking, relationship destroying individuals etc. 

His breeder pretended she couldn't hack it as a single mom and expected to be able to use our house as her personal respite care when she didn't feel like being bothered with her kids. Plus she'd expect my ex fiancé to drop everything and do things for those kids during her parenting times when she was fully capable. He also let those kids beg him to pick them up early or stay later (again all during her parenting times)

Their court order was so old they never followed it and there was no structure, no rules, no boundaries....just a free for all anything goes led by the sadistic cunning breeder who could not accept the dude did not want her anymore and used her kids to have him at her beck and call. 

Every time I tried to address my concerns with him he became willfully obtuse, I got gaslit, yelled at, and had my words twisted into something I never said or intended. 
 

I will tell you this: 

living with Disneyland parents/bio parents who can't or won't parent their kids properly with basic home training is NOT the type of home you want to live in long-term

These types of parents will allow their kids/ex-wives to call the shots and run the show even at the expense of your feelings, y'all's relationship, and any other hill they want to die on. 
 

When more women wake up and let this Disney Dads be single or live separately until their kids are grown then a lot of these problems will disappear

Not trying to be mean but you knew he was like this before you married and marriage only magnifies these issues because once these Disneyland parents have you "locked in" their true colors start to show.  
 

Start putting pictures of bedroom spreads in basements and put them on your husbands side of the table. Start planting those seeds that if he doesn't prioritize the marriage like a good husband is supposed to do then you're not going to be interested in living with him nor being married to him. 
 

Unchecked Disneyland parenting is a fast track ticket to dry p*$$y walls, escape plans, and divorce attorneys 

My 2 SDs were never disaplined by either parent and never had consequences or chores. They are both adults 21 and 27, neither lives with us or even spends the night. The younger one has gotten better. The older SD is entitled, defensive, spiteful, rude and disrespectful. If you have an opionon the doesn't aline with hers and aren't falling all over her or doing someting for her, you have no value in her life. It's the same thing over and over again. I can't stand being around her and don't know how to be less anxious and composed when we have to be together.

I didn't leave because I felt like I had nowhere to go and wasn't financially secure. I was very close to a mental breakdown last year and DH finally consented to counseling. The counseling has helped our relationship and he is working on us and really has changed. It was a very long and hard road to get to a point to start this process and I wish I would have walked away a long time ago. My mental health needs to be rebuilt and I spend a lot of time working on fixing what was broken. Because I dealt with being the bad guy, being disrespected and humiliated for so long I am now diagnosed with CPTSD from the chronic trauma and everything is a trigger. If your situation doesn't change soon, get out. I wish I knew then what I know now.