You are here

Good news

AJanie's picture

Submitted by AJanie on Tue, 09/05/2017 - 8:55am

Just got the call. Apartment is mine. It will be ready for me Friday.

I have yet to figure out a truck, I still need more boxes, I have no time off this week, I do not even really know how I will afford living on my own, but I am doing it anyway.

I will miss many things about my old life, but I will not miss his sleeping all the time, lying, irresponsible ways, name calling and gaslighting, bland personality, his ignorant family members, his pompous trashy baby mama. My life was not a happy life and I need to remember that.

Maybe down the line EX and I can be friends, and get the dogs together, and I can see SD. I am not sure though.

I am not sure this has hit me yet. I hope when it does I can remain strong.

Happy new beginnings.

Comments

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Tue, 09/05/2017 - 9:00am

So happy for you, AJ!! Biggrin

You need to think of yourself and your needs FIRST. Take time to heal. There is a good possibility that your ex will NOT want to be friends. If he does, he may try to suck you back into the same ol' same ol'. You gave him many opportunities to denounce his terrible habits and he kept on doing all of those things. Be strong. We're here for you!! {{{{HUGS}}}}

JustAgirl42's picture

Submitted by JustAgirl42 on Tue, 09/05/2017 - 9:19am

Sounds like you made the right decision based on your looong list of negatives compared to (well I didn't really read any) positives. Wink

You're a strong lady, much luck!

queensway's picture

Submitted by queensway on Tue, 09/05/2017 - 9:20am

Take things day by day. When the thought of him creeps in think of all the rotten things he has done. Don't think about being friends in the future. Your future right now is all about what you want. You are a strong person and will get through this. Each day will get better.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Tue, 09/05/2017 - 9:24am

Great news!

Honestly, it's not in your best interest to ever be friends with this guy. He will suck you back into co-dependency with him and you don't need that.

I know people think addiction makes the addict behave certain ways, and while that's true, it's also true that even if the addict gets clean, the behavior sometimes stays, it becomes their normal. So, the gas lighting, lying, etc. will probably still go on, even if he gets clean and you are just friends.

And, I don't think he will want to be just friends with you, he will try to get you back. He got a lot more out of the relationship than he gave. He will want that, again.

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Tue, 09/05/2017 - 9:25am

yeah !!!!!

WE all will drop by Friday and each off us can grab something on our brooms...
see no problem we will move you...

I'm taking dips on both dogs on my broom Wink

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Tue, 09/05/2017 - 9:32am

"Maybe down the line EX and I can be friends, and get the dogs together, and I can see SD. I am not sure though."

Look at the line you typed above this one in your original post...why would you want to be friends with someone who is lazy, a liar, a gaslighter, irresponsible, etc??

There is NO reason for you to be this dude's friend.

NONE!!!

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Tue, 09/05/2017 - 1:04pm

My comment was much broader based than the dog.

Dog or no dog, he is still the same person.

She can get another dog.

bananaseedo's picture

Submitted by bananaseedo on Tue, 09/05/2017 - 2:38pm

Dogs aren't furniture to be replaced though. There are those of us that consider them family. I promise you if dh and I split up we would be splitting custody of pup-as crazy as that sounds lol....

Hey, no worries-you can always have another kid? No, don't think so.

I think maybe come to an agreement w/him regarding visits/time w/the dog withOUT him as a friend involved.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Submitted by lieutenant_dad on Tue, 09/05/2017 - 7:42pm

I would really hope that if you were coming out of an abusive relationship that you wouldn't be willing to share custody of a dog.

AJ needs to avoid her ex at all costs, and doesn't need to feel guilty for not coming up with some custody agreement for the dog. As much as it may pain her, running far, far away and not turning back is the best possible thing.

I love my dog, but if I were fleeing, I wouldn't come back for her. Actually, that's what I did when I left my ex. The only reason I got her back was because my ex couldn't take her with him. My sanity and ability to move forward far outweighed my dog, who was cared for and in no immediate danger. It would have sucked, but yes, I could have adopted another one to save myself.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Submitted by lieutenant_dad on Tue, 09/05/2017 - 10:24am

YAY!

If you are concerned about money, look at getting a mindless second job. It will keep you busy (which can be very helpful over the next 3-6 months) while giving you some extra funds. Don't build the funds into your budget - stash of away as best you can for a rainy day. I think you'll be surprised how far you can make your money stretch when you are just focused on funding YOU and not an entire family.

Big hugs to you. You can do this. You don't need him, and you don't want him. Loneliness can be powerful, so keep yourself productively busy. Best of luck!

Wifeypoo's picture

Submitted by Wifeypoo on Tue, 09/05/2017 - 1:28pm

Great job you're almost there! Best of luck to you and I think a lot of people reading here will be encouraged by your courage!

AJanie's picture

Submitted by AJanie on Tue, 09/05/2017 - 1:33pm

The regretful texts have begun about how sad he is he couldn't "make me happy." Happens every time. Hope he realizes it is too late now.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Tue, 09/05/2017 - 1:54pm

block him...

My abusive ex boyfriend would always send me those kinds of texts, too. my response? "no, you couldn't."

Please notice how he is making this about him - he couldn't make you happy is just gas light speak for "you are the problem."

Don't respond, and better yet, block him.