Oh DH knows I always expect a detailed play by play after every solo encounter. I don't really see it as immature as I see it as pure entertainment. Most of the time it's fairly quick interactions so much to hear about but the other times she acts cray it is funny to hear about.

I have a passing interest in how the BM is doing. Partially because when she is "happy".. my DH had a much easier time (so did the girls) but also a bit because when things are in a dust up.. it's usually amusing to hear the details.

My DH never went to things with her without me.. so never worried about that.

I don't really press, but we talk about his phone conversations with SD26 (they basically have a phone relationship).

I just like to be in the know so I can be prepared for what might come up.

SO usually just tells me if she acts like an ass. Which, is about every single time.

I am mostly curious if she shows up or not. She spent years telling the skids that SO was too busy with my kids and that he didn't love them because he didn't show up to every event. Trust me, he never ONCE chose my children over his. Not one single time. So I just like the satisfaction when she is not at an event, because according to her, that means she doesn't love the kids. And she has only had a job for about the past year or so, so she can't claim it was because of work that she couldn't be there. SO always goes if the kids tell him about the event and he doesn't have to work and is in town.

I am so nosy and LOVE details. Then I love to over analyze every detail.

But I don't ask for details about the skids from DH. If I want to know something I just try to find out myself. DH doesn't pay attention to details so he can't really offer them up. Also if I ask questions about the skids it might give DH the wrong impression, that I actually care and not that I am being nosy and finally I usually don't care what is going on with the skids. Sometimes my nosiness gets the best of me. But usually it's better if I don't let them take up space in my head.

I don't care at all... if SO and brat does something or talks about something, I never ask about it, I really do not care, SO normally will tell me if he wants something from me lol....

I never press for information from SO...

but dang... if I dare do something with some one other then SO, it's like a Spanish inquisition

Usually I just ask "did she act like a twat?" And then go on my merry way. I'll ask how whatever event went on went for SS if I wasn't there but that's just out of courtesy. BM used to be all up in our shit and DH finally told her point blank the things she was asking weren't appropriate. I know it just chaps her ass now because sometimes we can see it on her face when she wants to ask/start on something she knows she has no business prying into. }:)

we talk about things generally... not gossipy-like. We laugh at things when they're amusing, we discuss things when they're serious... and if I'm angry, it's not directed at SO, though there might be mild annoyance that he let her say this or say that... but it's not my issue.

Yesterday we went to a friend's house for a little bit before taking the kid back to his mom's... kid interrupted SO and our friend's conversation at one point, to announce to SO that Mommy has a lock on her fridge.

Um... ok.

First: Hey kid, remember that we wait our turn to talk, your dad is talking with Friend right now. Ok secret! *runs off to go play with the dog again*

Second - wtf? lol

When we leave, kid is off skipping down the laneway and off towards the visitor parking... and SO and I giggle a little... a lock on the fridge? what? Why? I guess kid helps himself to mom's food and mom's tired of it.... lol

Sometimes when BM comes up in convo it makes me laugh... sometimes it makes me angry.

I constantly overANALyze, but the last thing I want to hear is BioHo's name. :sick:

However, I admit that I took great pleasure when DH, with absolute disgust in his voice, said, "Good lord, she's gotten FAT. Looks like a damn blimp." Bahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaa!!!

I fall somewhere in the middle. I always thought I wanted to know, but I began to notice that if it didn't happen at my house, I really don't care much. DH sometimes offers information about the trouble skids get into at BM's. I usually respond with "oh, wow" and change the subject. I don't ask questions or offer input. I am still very nosy about what the skids do while visiting us. I think part of this is because DH is always clueless about what goes on at our house, and it drives me crazy!

I really don't care about what BM is up to. Sometimes the skids will offer tidbits, but I assume it's only half truths anyway.

Now, if I could just get to the point that I don't care about what they're doing at my house too, my life would be peaceful.

We both want to know if BM will start dating anyone seriously and if she got s full time job (she never had a full time in her entire life) BECAUSE if she gets married or gets well paid job DH can stop paying alimony. Other than that we don't care about BM. As about SDs my DH rarely sees them alone without me

I am curious but I never press it. If SO offers up the information, I will then engage in the conversation or ask questions. Like the messages from BM's DH last week....LOL... We still laugh at that one. like WTF was he thinking...giggle

I'm basically in the IDGAF camp.

Over time, I've grown to not care. I seriously do not give a damn. If DH wants to volunteer information, he will, and the rare times he does it's usually days or weeks later with the whole Oh, I thought I told you mentality and it usually involves something crazy out of skid's mouth or BM being her intrusive self during DH's time.

I admit, though. I get a kick out of playing along with DH pretending to keep me in the loop. Nothing like humoring a fool who thinks they're fooling you. I usually reply with a smug, half-assed "Oh yeah?"

I've learned, the hard and painful way, that I can't expect all the details or truthfulness all the time, so why bother? When it became obvious that there was lying by omission happening regarding the stupidest of things and details, I felt I had no other option than to just let go of the rope.

The only thing I DO expect and want details regarding is BM and her shenanigans. DH and BM are very low contact, so when there is communication it's bound to affect me, my schedule, or the like. I expect absolute transparency when it comes to those dealings.

When his kids were younger, I wanted to know the details of his interactions with the BM because it always wound up costing me money. My husband is the type that thinks if he ignores it, it will go away. That drove me crazy. I am also a planner. BM would constantly throw a monkey wrench into our plans. I couldn't stand my calendar being held hostage by her.

Finally, I wised up. This was definitely a DH problem. I told him that he was not allowed to make any financial decisions in this regard without consulting me because it affected me. I also gave him dates of plans we had and if we didn't get a confirmation by a date certain, his kids could not come. It was incredibly unfair to my own kids to cancel plans they were looking forward to because BM wanted to be a bitch.when his kids got older, we would cc them on the emails to BM regarding summer schedules and vacation plans. This way they were in the loop and could argue their own cause to go to their mother.
BM stopped.

As far as getting involved in what he did with the kids when I wasn't there, I didn't care because it didn't directly affect me

As a step that takes care of the kid majority of the time out of the three of us, I do want to know about what DH and BM discuss. If she tells him she doing something like sending treat bags to school for a party then that's one less thing I have to do. If she tells him she wants to put SS in some kind of EC then as the calendar-keeper in our house I need to check to make sure things aren't overlapping others. So if it's about the kid, I ask.

Lately BM has been very quiet and we aren't sure if it's because of issues with babydaddy2 and new girlfriend/stepmom or maybe she's just finally so happy with her life she's not out making other miserable, but either way I'm all for letting sleeping dogs sleep. But I will admit I ask SS what he did during his visit and when something confuses me like "how did you get to camp at 9 if BM has to be at work at 8 and she didn't take you?" kind of stuff. Sometimes he will randomly say something that's from left field like "so when I have a little sister..." and since I am not pregnant nor plan to ever be again I'll ask if BM is pregnant.

But what's BM doing when she doesn't have SS, psh that's not my circus. I don't care as long as she arrives at pick up for 6 and drops him back off at 6. Her gap in between is her business as long as she isn't interjecting herself into our household and lives.

I'm so glad I don't really have to deal with the BM side of this anymore, as the SK's are now adults and DH no longer pays CS.

But I remember those days:
Holding our social calendar hostage
Messing with DH's head about plans
Trying to play "Damsel in Distress" to my DH when I was around, just to see if he'd take the bait (and forgetting her DH was right there)
Putting the SK's in the middle
Playing the "your dad has lots more money now that he's remarried, go ask him" cards.

As with others, unless it affected my home or my bank account, I didn't really care. DH was never one to talk much about any of it (they had been divorced over 7 years when I met him), which was fine with me unless it involved $$, which it almost always did. A couple times of not coming up with the required fundage put a stop to that.

It's been pretty quiet with her for almost 3 years. Now, I just have to worry about the SK's who are making stupid high $ purchases that turn out to be horrible decisions (buying sports cars that then break down and they can't afford to fix them).... and then turning to DH and I for help because dog knows BM isn't about to assist if it involves HER money.