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The REAL mom! From MY WOMB.

AJanie's picture

I read lots of articles and forums on bio moms and step moms and the like. A common theme with the articles as well as with the BM I deal with, is repeatedly (for 7 years now) driving the point home "I AM THE REAL MOM."

I always found it interesting how BM has to repeat over and over anytime we have an interaction that she is THEIR MOM. Actually, I'm sorry, to be accurate -- she states "I AM THERE MOM."

I want to just shout from the rooftop that I am 100% aware neither one of *her* kids came out of my vagina.

I guess I just wish these women understood that the majority of stepmoms are fully, painfully aware that they are not the real mommy. The skids do not look or act like us. We spend too much money on kids who aren't even with us all that often, oh and lawyers (it would hurt less to open my car window and just fling a stack of money out on the highway). AND We are occasionally reminded that the kids are the product of the unprotected sex you had with *OUR* spouse. MINE. My husband. Your "baby daddy." But I do not emphasize that difference to her. Maybe I should?

I hear about BM with her girlfriends talking about how I am trying to act like HER KIDS MOTHER. It is hilarious really. That is the last thing I want to do... try to be her. Universal Stepmom Truth: That is the last thing any of us want.

Any of you had to deal with the I AM THE REAL MOTHER speech? How did you respond? Humor me.

Comments

notasm3's picture

SS30's BM and I have no contact as he was grown when I met DH. But my answer would be "Darn right - I wouldn't want ANYONE to think I produced that THING."

Tuff Noogies's picture

"then maybe you should be paying their child support."

"then why hasn't THEIR MOTHER done jack schitt for holidays or birthdays - for YEARS?"

"then why have you NEVER picked kaos up for your EOWE visitation?"

ETA - i have not actually responded, this is just ones that popped into my head IF she were to say that... thankfully i dont have any interaction with her.

DaizyDuke's picture

Hey what ever happened to Kaos?? Wasn't he the one who ran off to Grammies and planned on staying there? Is he still there??

uofarkchick's picture

When I got picked on in school, I would take the mean note someone wrote to me, fix the grammatical and spelling errors with a red pen, and give it back to them. I'm not the smartest person in the world but I did learn how to spell contractions and possessive pronouns in the 2nd grade. I still use these skills today. When my ex would write me little ugly notes, I just got out the red pen.

Maxwell09's picture

BM used to throw out "I am his mother " to DH, not me as if her being SS's mother was more important than DH being his father. Funny, she stopped when he started throwing back at her "then why don't you pay for your half his school tuition?" And you can substitute tuition with pretty much anything since she doesn't contribute at all. BM texted me last month and said SS was "ours" since I've "helped" raise him. I didn't respond to it because I don't need BM to tell me what I do and have done. I know. She knows. There isn't anything for her and I to talk about.

WalkOnBy's picture

Medusa used that line whenever DH did something she didn't like. You know, like force her to follow the parenting plan.

when she stole BabyVoice from the house late at night and had to explain that to the Judge, she actually said, "well, she had a cold and I had to make sure she was okay. I AM her mother you know, and it's what any mother would do."

Judge replied, "no, madam, I don't think any mother would coerce her child to come out of the house late at night and then take off like a thief in the night."

but but but, SHE IS THE MOTHER!!!!

you know, the mother who hasn't laid eyes on her kids in 5 and a half years.

*eye roll*

Tuff Noogies's picture

BOOM.
}:) }:) }:)

BethAnne's picture

Anyone who would wave your miscarriages in your face as an insult over a period of 6 years deserves to have more than a few harsh words thrown back at her. Her actions were disgusting and I don't know how you had the grace to bare them for so long.

zerostepdrama's picture

Nope. BM knows I don't like her kids enough to be close enough to do anything motherly. }:)

Simpleton21's picture

LOL, oh I deal with a BM that feels she has to proclaim this ALL THE TIME. Not just to me but to my SO as well since being a dad in her eyes doesn't make him equal to her at all. It was more so in the beginning but she still does every now and then. I simply ignore her and laugh about it...To me it just shows her major sense of insecurity in thinking that I would a)try to replace her and b) do a better job at it than her! I have never once tried to replace her or even act like her daughter's mother and I don't want to be her daughter's mother. I really don't even want to be her daughter's step mother!

This sums it up exactly:

"I guess I just wish these women understood that the majority of stepmoms are fully, painfully aware that they are not the real mommy. The skids do not look or act like us. We spend too much money on kids who aren't even with us all that often, oh and lawyers (it would hurt less to open my car window and just fling a stack of money out on the highway). AND We are occasionally reminded that the kids are the product of the unprotected sex you had with *OUR* spouse. MINE. My husband. Your "baby daddy." But I do not emphasize that difference to her. Maybe I should?"

thinkthrice's picture

Ring, Ring
(glance down at cell phone; see it's Girhippo calling)
Me: Hello?
Girhippo: stony silence
Me: Hello??
Girhippo: (angrily) I thought this was his phone? I want to talk to MY kids!!
Me: Chef's out back right now with them, can I tell them you called?
Girhippo: (even more angrily still) I WANT TO TALK TO MY KIDS!!
Me: One moment please (put her on hold for approx. 8 seconds)
CLICK!

She actually wanted to tell the skids that mommykins miiiiiissssess her babies and that if they come home EARLY they'll have a biiiiiiiig surprise waiting for them.

This used to go on constantly when Chef had the skids on his time.

AJanie's picture

Ha! Sd's new thing is she comes without shoes now. I had to explain that we live in a city where people wear shoes to walk around.

thinkthrice's picture

Skids would come to our house:

1. Wearing designer clothing 4 sizes too small (YSS as a toddler said "shoes too tight")
2. Dirty hair, long dirty fingernails, toenails unclipped, dirty faces ("mom lost the nail clipper")
3. Weather inappropriate clothing so they would "have to make an emergency run back to the Gir's" (TM)

Of course they always forgot something they needed, mainly sporting equipment for the myriad of sports they were signed up to do on Chef's time. That way they'd get to make another stop at the mothership as a visual confirmation that mommykins still owns them and dad was merely an ATM paying ransom for EOW/EOWE

AJanie's picture

hahaha I deal with the same. I miss youuuu pumpkin pieeee in her sweet sing-songy voice. Yes, you must miss them so terribly to call one time during the week we had them for vacation.

I call to check on my dogs more often.

She does make sure to call very frequently about money though.

ESMOD's picture

Yep... I got the "I am their mother" and also the "they are NONE of your business" on several occasions.

Usually, I would get the call from her because either the girls or their father asked me to step in and help fix an issue that the girls were having. Or, it was because I had an opinion about something to do with them.

I told the mother. I realize I am NOT their mother, but I am married to their father and as a result, I want to make sure they grow up happy, well adjusted and prepared for the world so they don't land on OUR couch and end up being a financial drain! I said, that makes them MY business.

I told the girls that i cared about both of them and wanted them to have the best start possible in life and that as long as I was married to their father, I would care what happened to them and by them.

I actually had one huge blowout with the mother after she almost caused her younger daughter to be held back in school for unexcused absences. I had documentation regarding a lot of DR's appts and wanted to make sure that none of those were causing the problem. Mama had a bad habit of keeping one of the girls out when she was bored. The girl was honors list but was about to be held back. I wrote a letter to the school and explained that we might be able to provide proof of the absences. Well, some lady at the school showed the email to the EX.. she called me in all her "how dare you interfere" glory.

I shot back "If you were a GOOD mother, the poor child wouldn't be in this position". Never had to deal with her again.. bliss.

Newstep's picture

I got that too, once she realized IDGAF she knocked it off. Blum 3 In my crazy BM's mind she thought I was just dreaming of being SD's mother, nothing could be further from the truth.

BethAnne's picture

Thankfully I have a few thousand miles between me and BM. The last time I had a proper interaction with her I called the police in her. Since then I might have bumped into her in our old town once, maybe twice and said hello just to be polite.

After her constant attempts to ruin my relationship with my husband and sending me messages about them getting together or that he was a cheater and me never replying to a single message I think she got the message that I don't care. As it is right now I know I am not sd's mother but I sure as hell do a lot more mothering of the girl than the one phone call a week that BM can sometimes manage to make for a whole hour, though more recently it had only been about 40 mins. Well she does have a new baby now, so hopefully she had learnt something about being a mother in the last 9 years and can do better by this one than she has by sd.