Affraid to get my hopes up
DH told me Friday that SD had gone with some friends to look at apartments after school. He says there is a group of them that are planning to get an apartment together after they graduate. She's said she plans on enjoying a year before she goes to college.
He's obviously concerned but thinks it will be a good life lesson for her. He says he is going to take her to dinner and have a long talk with her to make sure she understands what that will mean. She was given the option to go to college full time, work full time and pay rent or move out. I know he had hoped she would chose to go to school. I was very doubtful she would go to college and even more skeptical she would do the work if she did go.
As much as I hate having her in my house I'm concerned that this is a huge mistake. SD has the emotional maturity of a 14 year old. I imagine a scenario where a group of kids who think their parents are mistreating them move in and quickly find out what the real world is like. SD will come crawling back with a ton of debt and expect us to bail her out.
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Before your husband has his
Before your husband has his long talk with her, you have a long talk with your husband on what will and what will NOT happen if this doesn't work out. He can then relay that information to her. Such as, any debt she accumulates is hers, will she is allowed to move back in or not and if so, for how long an what the rules will be, that sort of thing.
Let him know where you stand, make sure the two of you are on the same page, and then let SD know so that she cannot claim ignorance later.
You need to lay down
You need to lay down guidelines. Co-Signing loans, credit card debt. Car insurance. All of it. What happens when she fails. We have had the discussion. SD17 is not coming here when she flunks out. Not an option.
I won't cosign and if DH does
I won't cosign and if DH does shit will hit the fan. As of today she doesn't have a license a car or a checking account. But she's ready to move out and be on her own.
I'm not doing the revolving
I'm not doing the revolving door. If she moves out and can't make it she can go back to her moms and they can fight over which one of them has to work.
I think we are for the most
I think we are for the most part on the same page. We've talked about what happens when she graduates until we are blue in the face. He has said over and over that if she does not go to school she will either have to pay rent or move out. He says he will not cosign or pay her debt if she gets in over her head.
BS and BD will be back from school after this summer. We've talked a lot about rules and expectations for the kids since they are all adults but have differing levels of independence. I've helped support my kids while they are in school. They both work hard and also have scholarships and jobs. We agreed to let BS move back in this summer. But, since he will be done with undergrad decided he should pay at least some rent.
It's harder with SD because she has no ambition. BM is in her 50s and has yet to completely take care of herself. Since SD moved in with us she no longer gets CS. She's supposed to be paying ($8/wk) but as of today she hasn't. I suspect part of the reason SD is in a hurry to move out is she thinks DH will still give her money.