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summer trips

alwayslast1978's picture

My wife and I are both teachers and we always take her kids on a trip which I dread, mostly due to my SS9.  I have been in the picture for 5 years and they are with us half time.  Whilehe can be kind and a good kid, he can also be very pushy and obnoxious at times.  My biggest frustration is that my wife never calls him on or even recognizes this behaviot.  At the pool, he was acting like a 5 year old.  He is 9 and can swim but wouldnt go anywhere without mom or his sister.  He starts to bug endlessly until they go which is very irritating.  He starting whining in a baby voice which I shut down and his mom just smiled.   When he was in the pool with his mom he was hanging off her the whole time.  At dinner, whenever my wife said anythimg to me, he would loudly say "what" or "why" to interject himself.  He is always a huge busy body and has to be in the middle of every conversation.  I spoke to hef about this when we were alone and she asked for examples?  I told her what I wrote in this post and she just never says anything and changes the subject.  When he gets like this at home I just go to the gym or somewhere in the house or yard. I am hoping that my wife will start dealing with these behaviors but she seems blind to them.  Luckily I am visiting my mom when they go away again so I am off the hook. Moving forward, should I stop going on these trips?

Comments

ESMOD's picture

From prior posts, it seems that your SS is somewhat immature.. probably, in part, due to the fact that your wife probably likes him being her "little baby boy"... and she has encouraged this dependent nature in him.    it's not your SS's fault.. he is behaving as he was encouraged and taught to do..  I do feel that perhaps in a few years when peer pressure kicks in more that it will be less "cool" to hang with mom and sister exclusively.. but that doesn't necessarily resolve things now.. it will be a wait and see..   

The real issue is your wife wants and likes this behavior.. she may "appear" annoyed at times over it.. but it makes her feel loved and needed.. so.... why would she change it.  Sure, it's not super healthy. but again I've said it before.. he is 9 not 19.. time may be your friend here.. he is unlikely to be totally attached to her forever..he may mature as he sees his peers also pull away from their mommies hugs and tease him for his.

Winterglow's picture

When he interrupts a conversation, calmly tell him that the grownups are talking and to wait his turn. You can also tell him that the remark/comment/question was not destined for him, (again) the grownups are talking.  All of this is well within your rights as an adult. Also, as your wife apparently doesn't notice these things, this will bring every incident to her notice.

You have a voice.

AgedOut's picture

Walk away. And when she asks why you decided to go back to the room, read, take a walk, etc tell her the truth.

 

"Honey I walk away when Skippy Doodle gets his 'look at me, look at me, look at meeeeeee' on. I figure you must enjoy it  when he acts like a child 1/3 his age, and don't seem to notice the looks from others when he embarasses himself and you. I could call him out on it but you seem to like it and I love you  so I leave you to it. He's your child and I do not want to impede your joy. "

Harry's picture

Hit the nail on the head. Your DW iis encouraging this behavior.  She wants it to continue.  You have a DW problem.  A problem I don't have answers for.  Maybe seeing some one for help. A third party may show DW her errors.  Or DW will that the therapist nuts.  And will refuse to see them . 
The answer for being d|srecepted in a relationship is the exit plan.  What is your choice,,  being together and knieing this SS cra$ is not going to change. Only going to get worst.  SS will have no friends. And will be home  24/7/365.  Or looking for someone else who respects you. What's hard. 
'TWO  SS is becoming the alpha man of relationship. Control your life.  That's impossible to live like that. Not going on vacation with DW doesn't solve anything.  All that does is tell them they win. 

AgedOut's picture

I think he can do both, keep his marriage and step away when mummy's little court jester gets into his act. Walk away, look away, pick up a book, turn on the tv, etc. Make it clear to her and to him that while mumsy loves her little puddin pops antics, you do not and will not entertain it. 

Lillywy00's picture

I know the kid is 9 but unless his mom teaches him how to behave maturely (at an age appropriate level of course) then it could continue to adulthood and beyond. 
 

However, trying to tell these Disneyland parents how to more effectively parent their kids will be an uphill battle. 
 

You can be more patient, explain your stance and hope she comes to her senses and/or ignore/"disappear" when you see the behavior occur. 
 

I don't think this is divorce/separation worthy ... yet ... but frequently disagreeing over parenting styles of the kids can be a major source of contention that can lead to end of relationships if both parties don't attempt to get close to the same page/come up with a solution that works for everyone 

Harry's picture

This is just bad parenting..  Do she want her kid to grow up the joke of his school.  Having no friends, no activity to do.   This kid must grow,  do thing on his own. Learn about life,  how to handle life.  9 yo handle life on a 9nyo level. To go on to a 10 yo leaves to   .......