I have a blog already. But I've noticed that it's becoming filled with ranting and angsting over the travails of being a stepmom (as opposed to ranting and angsting about various other topics), so since this is so conveniently here, I figure I'll take my angstranting about the situation here and leave my angstranting about everything else there.

I've spent some time trying to figure out the worst part about this, and I can't. There may be no "worst" part - just equally bad parts that make up the whole.

I guess the feeling of hurt betrayal is the worst part. Like L was just pretending to be one person, and I really liked that person, and then he whips out this entire new personality and I'm grieving over the person I really liked who seems to be gone forever. And maybe that's catastrophosizing, but this is exactly how it feels. Like I'm grieving.

Like I'm grieving and no one cares.

I can't say 'no one'. G is a prince. I know L's behavior hurts him as well - "How do you think I feel, having my own son treat me this way?" - but G has a full-time job. He doesn't see L as often. And L doesn't see him as a robotic maidchef. What was the robot's name from The Jetson's? Rosie? Yeah. It's like he sees me as a Rosie. And S (biomom) hasn't helped this perception, not when she herself behaves like a Rosie. Why shouldn't he think that all women are this way? Men's perceptions of women are based upon their mothers, in my experience.

(I may or may not have gone to therapy for three years long before getting married and as a result know way more psychobabble than I probably should.)

I know that what G and I have embarked upon is a long and painful process. We want to, ideally, shape L into a fully functional, responsible adult, a productive member of society. We've helped him get a job in the field he's interested in. I mean obsessed. Obsessed with. Anyway. G helped him buy a car (which he just wrecked). And when L had the car we set him tasks to do (buy some of his groceries, run household errands), but that's not happening now.

I feel like every time he goes to the BM's house for the weekend, she undoes everything we've managed to accomplish that week, or two weeks, or whatever. He always comes back with a crapload of stuff she's bought for him. Food, supplements, and we're like - how are we supposed to teach him freaking anything about providing for yourself when she just throws money at him?

I almost hate to bring up the braces again, but - honestly. Maybe this is normal, maybe it isn't bizarre in the slightest, but S is shelling out two grand (which she can't afford) so L can get braces? He doesn't need braces, his teeth are remarkably straight. But S the Supermom buys her baby braces. And supplements. And this, and that, and - ugh.

...

I keep getting distracted from what I'm saying.
Basically, this: I'm tired and I don't know how to cope.
I have a feeling that I'm going to be living on this site for a while.