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Meh.

Amara's picture

Sometimes it's not what he does as much as what he's like.

The last day and a half have been pretty quiet. L (SS) goes to work and comes home while we're in bed, so there's no socialization there (and he's quiet so he's not waking us up), and then he goes to work out or go hang out with his friends, so there's no socialization there either.

But he's been here most of the day today, and he hasn't been outrightly rude or disrespectful or even really messy. He's just been kind of sullen. I get vibes off of most people most of the time, and the vibe I get from L is this kind of sullen rage. He's pissed off at everyone for everything, all the time.

It just kind of gets me down. I think most people wouldn't want to be around someone who's constantly feeling negative, that much is understandable, but I've always been very sensitive and taking things far more personally than they're meant. I'm 90% sure he's not directly pissed off at me - he doesn't like his job much, I think, and he's broken up with yet another girl. But it just feels... kind of awful to be around someone who's this dark spot of negativity. The collateral damage of a bad attitude, indiscriminate anger that isn't focused on any one thing and is just kind of seeping into everyone and everything around him.

It makes me feel really shitty, but I've begun to look forward to the day when he finally tells us that he's moving out.

Comments

twoviewpoints's picture

At 21yrs old it's long time he start getting ready to move out on his own. It's a plus he work (he should be paying rent) and it's a big plus he's not messy and all that...but 21, it's time to make a goal timeline to become independent.

An angry brooding adult male (or female) in the house is definitely a gloom on the entire household. Perhaps he's depressed and needs a good physical. Sure he hates his job and GF no longer is, but he can be angry and sullen in his own apartment. Perhaps some of the friends he goes to the gym with could manage to rent a place together if not enough finances to swing it alone. After Christmas, your DH needs to sit down with him and make a plan (timeline) that is realistic and gets grumpy up and out of the nest.

Amara's picture

L's been living with us for just over two months. He moved away a year ago to the other side of the country, but for varying reasons it didn't work out, so we took him in (he'd been living with his mother for most of his life).

That's the plan right now. He just started getting more hours at work, so later in the week DH is going to sit down with him and inform him that he needs to have a plan for being out on his own, and force him to sit down and take the time to make this plan. DH and I are still discussing a time limit for how long L can stay with us.