sorry that you go through this, the "hanging all over daddddddyy" is only too familiar to me with SD7.I think the only person who can at least regulate or normalise it would be your SO...but being a guilty dad who doesnt want to "hurt her feelings" and doesnt care that it IS too much or weird when a child is so glued on him, chances are low that he does it.All you can do is to bring it to his attention.Last but least you are his wife so he should be treating you like that, not his child.My SO even sometimes completely denies that his daughter is sticking on him wherever we go....he doesn't see it and rather wants to think I am exaggerating, sigh.She is just a "normal little girl" I have been told so many times.
Hun, I understand what you are going through.
I hope that nobody here will come up with that phrase that she is only young and innocent and doesn't know what she is doing.....I worked with children all my life and most 5/6 year olds know very well how to manipulate the adults in their lifes.Comparing how everything is better at Nannas or mommys place is very clearly a signal to your SO to try even harder and buy even more.Talk and explain that to your SO- he needs to understand that getting her more and more will only increase the bratty behaviour and manipulations.Bet , she does the same at the other places she is going.

Just get her one gift, that is enough.

That is an excessive amount of stuff, and that is coming from someone who has been accused of spoiling her own kids.

Why two Easter baskets apiece????? That alone is an issue-you are only creating the expectation that there will be more more more, and bigger and better with every gift. It is NOT a good thing.

I think it is overwhelming for kids to get that much stuff at that age, and it even comes across like your DH is trying to "buy" their affection. It never works, trust me. Your mom gave really good advice.

How about replacing some of the material stuff with experiences, instead?

And I think the kids not saying thank you isn't the only problem. You and your DH also need to work on the problem YOU have with the gift giving.

Maybe she really did just forget. You didn't even notice it until after you got home. If the adults didn't picked up on at the time it occured, why would a 6 year old?

It isn't like the child doesn't have manners, she thanked the chef and wait staff.

You, your husband and BM are on the road of creating kids who want to be with mom just because they love her and with dad and SM because of the load of stuff they can get from them.

I think you may be instilling adult behaviours in a child. She may be 6 but a week ago she was still 5.

Kids only learn good manners and behaviours from their parental figures. If your entire parenting time is full of satisfying their every whim they will not appreciate you or care about you.

As it was, Easter was 2 weeks ago. THAT was Easter. Christmas for kids is Christmas Eve/Day. Not New Years even if they have to wait that long to get gifts from other relatives/parents. So the Easter baskets were (in their minds) an afterthought or a bonus.

I had to teach my s/sons to be grateful and thankful. For some reason their mother didn't think this was up there with good adult skills and their father/DH was more than slightly p/whipped. Sigh! So Evil Stepmother walked in and suddenly there was the expectation to hold doors open for adults (I would stand outside the store until someone would open the door for me. And it took a while for DH and Co. to get with THAT little game). When they did I would say "Thank you!". Thanking me for gifts/treats. "You know, a thank you would be nice. Good manners gets you a lot further in life. So when someone gives us a gift we say...?"
"Thank you"
"Well done! Now you can keep the *insert name of item*"

Honestly, it took me 2 years of gradual improvement from them before I was happy. And when I would drive YSS to h/school and he would jump from the car without thanking me I told him he had 2 choices "Thanks for the ride." or the next time I drop him a block away (wintertime=snow) or stand outside the car in the parking area full of kids and yell at the top of my voice "I love you *YSSs full name*! Have a great day!" He got the message the next time when I started to get out of the car after him and said "Did you forget...?"
"Oh! Oh! Thanks D!"

Because your Skids are younger you may be able to instil good values and manners now a little quicker than it did for me. You just need to up the ante a little. And stop giving them everything they want. THAT is just rediculous and creating expectations you may one day be not able to fulfil. Then the blame falls on the gifter because you created these monseters. No 6 yr old needs that much stuff. My GD is 5 and she was very happy with a LaLa Loopsy doll, a few books and a lamp and carrycot for her doll.

Its true that the more you do, the less they appreciate. Its also true that your dh should have prompted her to say thank you.

BM buys every damn thing SD could ever possibly want. It is nauseating, particularly since she doesn't work and every dime she is spending comes from our household. But SD doesn't appreciate any of it. She'll ask her mother to buy her stuff she doesn't even want just because they're at the store and she expects SOMETHING. In fact, she has in the past asked me to buy her something because "mommy bought it for me". I've been snookered into buying it, only to have her say "I don't like it". Needless to say, I don't buy her anything anymore. But when dh does buy her something she is grateful. She gets pissy when someone gets more than her (i.e., my parents get more for DS1 than for her), but dh has addressed that as well.

On the other hand, her mother doesn't take her anywhere. I mean NOWHERE. Not on vacation, not to the playground, not out for ice cream. So on the one occasion a year that her mother takes her for ice cream we hear about it for a week even though we do all kinds of nice things (zoo, aquarium, ice cream, playground, beach, vacation, etc.).

I will get flamed for this, but I will say it again. Skid/kids do not pop out of the womb full grown with manners and all. It is a process. It is called “raising”. Why on earth did neither you, or her father, tell the child to say thank you?

I went to a nine year old’s b-day party a while back and she was so excited that she kept forgetting to say thank you. BUT,,,her mom reminded her EVERY time when she opened a gift and forgot to say thank you.

I do think the gift giving was a bit over the top.

It isnt a reflection of her character. It is a reflection of how she has been parented. Manners are learned. If she doesn't say thank you, you say "SD, What do you say?". If she doesnt say please, then before you give her what she is asking for you say, "SD, How do we ask nicely?" or "What's the magic word?" or "Can I have a juice box...(and drag it out to emphasize that something is missing)". Just like if she doesnt put her dishes in the sink and runs off to play after dinner, you call her back down and you say "SD, have you forgotten something?" you can say this to remind her to thank someone. Children must be taught manners over many years and it must be reenforced over many years. Even the sweetest tempered children do not pop out of the womb with manners. Also, being spoiled is not the character flaw of the child, but a parenting flaw. See if you can find some books on the subject on amazon, they have a huge selection of parenting books.

Ah yes, the old "toy arms race." For many years, I too engaged in the fruitless pursuit. SD17's "perfect" bio-daddy almost never bought anything for SD. For a long time I tried to outdo him with presents, but it never worked. Anything that I got for SD17 was "expected," and therefore "didn't count." The breaking point for me was the Christmas season when the giant "My-Size" Barbies were the hot toy. DW and I spent hours scouring all of the local stores trying to find one. After weeks of searching, we located one, and it was over $150 (of course, it would cost a lot more in today's dollars). SD17 got the doll on Christmas day, played with it for 10 minutees, then went to her bio-daddy's for the rest of the Christmas break. She never touched the doll again. In fact, she later got "scared" of it, so we had to give it away to charity.

Also, SD17's "perfect" bio-daddy almost never took her anywhere. However, on the rare occassions he did, we heard about it forever. The topper was when he took her to the local small-time amusement park, and she said that it was better than when we took her to Disney World. That pretty much ended me paying for SD17 to accompany us on trips.

Bottom line is this: you can't win, but there are alternatives to fighting. Don't emotionally invest yourself in a kid who is treating you like shit. If you don't care, they can't hurt you. And damn sure don't spend your own money on them. They have two parents, and you aren't either one of them. Let the parents deal with it.