Ok, I was trying to make things right with you but I didn't necessarily want to do so on the public forum but here goes.

I truly was confused by the cancer diagnoses and trying to understand why you were going through such a horrendous experience. I now know and thank you for that.

I can understand very well where you are coming from. I have chronic illness which made it very difficult to adjust and stress makes my conditions worse.

I'm in a better place now since I learned from Steptalk how to disengage from the chaos. Once I got my head wrapped around "not my kids, not my problem" it helped in a lot of ways.

To complicate matters for me, I also have 2 biodaughters being exposed to behaviour that I would prefer they not see.

My three stepdaughters have put their father through hell and as a wife, I felt the need to protect my H from the hurtfulness. I bitched, moaned and complained and then I realized, this is not a situation I can control and I was driving myself nuts trying to do it.

I agree with you 100% on the stupid counsellor and your required presence at the weekly dinners.

I refused to have anything to do with one of my stepkids because she beat the crap out of me when I was very sick and anemic. And for shits and giggles, BM and SD went whole hog and made police reports and CPS reports and I was the victim!

DH tried to force us together, tried to force an apology, etc. An apology by force did not sit well with me and I was very angry. Not at the skid, though, but at her stupid parents who, rather than hit home with YOU NEVER HIT AN ADULT, let alone anyone but listened to her crap rather than shutting her down. I felt there was no excuse for beating me up and they felt I provoked the incident (I didn't). Even provoked is still not an excuse to beat up a weak smaller woman.

DH took this wonderful child on a trip/vacation with him right after this incident, also took her shopping three hours away so yeah, I was real bitter, angry, hurt and resentful.

The biggest issue was trying to get DH to see that I wanted him to spend "quality" time to SD doing Dad type things. Teach them to drive, go out for lunch, go to their activities, etc. It took time, he still screws up because he is scared of losing his children. You and I both know this is counter productive and the child loses respect for their father's because they will not stand up and parent.

We read a book called "Divorce Poison" that deals with PAS in its different stages and we followed the suggestions made there and it was a true help to us.

Is life perfect, no. Does he still guilt parent, yes, but I found after reading this book, DH started to change how he spent time with them.

The SD who beat me up has finally matured enough to understand the magnitude of what she had done. She wants to start coming by the house again and I am open to that. I do, however, have the ability to whole up in my special spot in the house and avoid the drama.

I've learned to disengage. It has really helped me, I no longer feel like I have to interject myself into my DH's relationship with the SKIDS.

I wish you the best of luck in this matter and its too bad that you are in such a vunerable spot right now.

I really hope you are able to untangle yourself from this mess in July once the new insurance is in place. I'm fortunate that in Canada, this would not even be an issue. I can't imagine the worry a major illness would cause without such a safety net. It sounds like Obama is working his way to this sort of model of health care. Too bad that its too little and too late to help you out.

Yeah, encourage DH to get that apartment, real nice like its the best idea in the world. If he can afford it, well, he can see and visit them there and work on his marriage with you when he is home.

Is your marriage worth saving at all, just asking because he must have had some good qualities that attracted you to him. Do you think you could remind him of that and how you miss the man you thought you married. My be an eye opener for him.

Sorry if I came across a bit strong in my response. I was out of line on some things.

I hope you can accept my apology. It was an apology more than anything that I was trying to respond back with by PM. Oh well. This works too.

Yeah I had this same problem. Hopefully it will be fixed soon.

Do you have family you can lean on, you seem alone in the world except for H's dysfunctional family. You might want to consider taking a vacation to someone where nice and serene once your radiation is completed. Give yourself a break from everything, clear your head and get out your stressful environment.

You need to be selfish and do what you want to do and see some things you've always wanted to do. Not to be morbid, but you might not get any more chances.

Well, let's hope that apartment materializes.