More SD13
Well, I am three weeks postpartum with a beautiful baby boy. SD has continued and increased her issues.
The day I was in labor and delivery and the baby was born, SD13 stayed with my sister-in-law and father-in-law at their house those nights. They gave her a tablet for Christmas and gave it to her that night early. Coincidentally, she skyped her mother and was emotionally and verbally abused that exact night and had to have them both listen to how she was abused. Maybe it happened, I don't know, but it is really amazing timing for the focus, know what I mean?
I read her facebook messages. She has been telling her friends that she was beat and raped for two years in elementary school. We confronted her during her therapy appointment in front of the therapist. She swears it is true. Even though over the years I had repeatedly told her to tell us or a teacher or someone if anyone ever touched her or hurt her in any way and she always said gaaawwwd I knooowww and NO GOD NO. Once, she told me her mother's boyfriend touched her on the knee when he was asleep and that was "being touched" - this was last summer after she found out her friend had been molested and that was why she lived with grandmother. I asked her if the man touched her anywhere else, like private area and she said GOD NO EWW NO NEVER! However, it makes sense for some of her behavior and the fact that she was not exhibiting depression symptoms really, but this could fit the symptoms she had been exhibiting.
So, I am at a loss. We are taking her to the pediatrician and calling CPS to investigate this ex-boyfriend of the mother and the mother for two years of rape and beatings. I pray to God it isn't true, but she says it is true and we have to believe her and proceed.
If it is true, at least now we can get her help and can understand her behavior.
No, she is not allowed alone with my baby regardless. One morning, DH let me sleep in since I do all the night feedings and diaper changes. I found SD13 alone holding my newborn on the couch with DH outside at the van! SD13 was coughing right on him. I ripped DH a new asshole. She is NOT to be alone in a room with my infant and never to hold him if she is coughing, he hasn't got any shots or immunity yet and I don't trust her alone with him! Dumbass.
I care about SD13 and want to get her help and be supportive, but I am not putting my baby at risk to make her feel good. She can hold him if she is not coughing and in my presence and after washing hands or not at all. Same goes for any other person, too.
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Congrats on your baby! It
Congrats on your baby! It sounds like you are doing everything else you can for the situation. Is she the youngest? Aside from DS, of course.
SD13 is the only other child
SD13 is the only other child in our house, but she has about five half siblings from her mother, two live with their mother, one was adopted by the maternal grandparents (that's the only one we have contact with), and another one lives mostly in a mental hospital.
All of SD13s life, I have talked to her about drugs, talking to someone if she was ever touched, hit, hurt, or afraid - and she always rolled her eyes and said "I KNOW GAWD NO"...and now she's been raped all her life???
I hate to say it, but I sort of think she's lying. She lies nonstop, literally.
Well, it's been a rough time.
Well, it's been a rough time. All of SD's "major depression, cutting, extreme low self-esteem, and demand for hours every day of attention coincidentally started when I got pregnant. Coincidentally, she was verbally and emotionally abused by her mother over Skype the day the baby was born, and as she was at the in-laws house, they had to sit with her and listen to her talk about being abused and how she was suicidal and OD'ed on vitamins and cold medicine (taking one extra dose of each).
If I say something's not that bad and let's work on getting better, by the end of the week, she does it worse and shows everyone she knows and says "SEEE I TOLD you I was severely depressed SEE"... like cutting. Now she is "cutting" to leave little scratches on her stupid arm.
She has now told DCS that she was not just touched but had full on intercourse at the age of 6 and 7. I don't know what to believe. I had talks with her from age 5 to 13 about good touch-bad touch, if anyone hurt you, if anyone touch you bad to tell and she always said "God no! UGH". I don't know if it's true or not. I am going to just act like I believe it, but I honestly wonder. The way she talks and pushes for more and more attention and sympathy and if it's not enough, she'll go BIGGER to get it.
It's just so odd that all her mental issues and behavior issues and rape issues all came up during the pregnancy, the day the baby was born, and extremely intensely ever since the baby was born...
She also talks about the baby dying numerous times a week and "accidentally killing him". then she acts offended and pissed and says she is suicidal over me not allowing her to be alone with the baby or to baby sit my infant. Crazy girl pah-leaze...
She out of the blue will say "I would ever do anything to hurt the baby, you believe that right, that I wouldn't pinch him or strangle him or anything, you believe that riiiight".
I don't know if she was raped and beaten for two years or not; if she was, it does sort of make sense in hindsight, but I can see her being borderline personality disorder/somewhat of a psychopath and going this far with lies since she didn't get the pity and attention she was pushing for (it has steadily increased, her behavior and her "issues and problems" keep coming out worse and worse when people do not react how she wants. For example, her friends said "oh too bad" and went on about their conversation when she told them she "cut"...so she went downstairs and "cut" herself with the "sharp" part of a little balloon stick...you could barely see the tiny scratch. When she showed me how she "cut herself" I said okay with a balloon scratching isn't cutting, just stop. SO, she gets a pencil and removes the eraser and "cuts" her arm all up just in time to show it proudly to the DCS investigator and tell her how I am "judgemental and hateful" and how she "Cuts" herself all the day long. I had to just sit and listen to her all night tonight.
She just gets worse if she doesn't get what she wants now.
Now she tells me I need to take her razor and lock up knives. She says she won't do homework because she is too depressed, unless she does it at the table and I sit with her and ask her if she is okay and help her. She wants me to check her arms and legs every freaking night after getting her medication out of the lock box to see if she "cut" herself... oh and she wants her pot-smoking friend over because she neeeeeeds her...and told me she asked the friend to get it and let her try it...
If she was raped and beaten eight years ago, I am heartbroken for her and confused how she was FINE until this summer when I was pregnant coincidentally. If she is lying and I find out, I will be done with her. I found out about the allegations because she was telling two boys she was "raped and beaten" and "my parents don't care and told me to go away they don't want to hear it" and "my stepmom says okay whatever" and no one loves me and everyone beats me and abandoned me...but will YOU be the one that takes care of me and loves me BillyBobBoy? (yeah, the boy is her BFF's boyfriend that she "secretly dated" as the "little secret" behind her BFFs back and snuck and lied to us about. She is obsessed with this horrible boy and LURVS HIM and will do anything to be his little secret...it's horrid.
I am emotionally drained by her every night that I have to listen to her go on and on - and if I don't give enough time, pity enough, listen good enough, then she tells everyone she has a horrible home life and I don't care and she is so abused. I'm tired. My third trimester was ALL about HER, it's still all about her.
Again, if it really happened, my heart will break for her, but her maternal grandparents told me today that they think she is just like her mother and her mother was just like SD13 and at around close to the same age, SD13's mother made false allegations about rape for the attention as well as lied and snuck and manipulated all the time (still does too); BM's parents think she is borderline and that SD13 is too. They can only take so much of SD13 since she sort of...drains you emotionally like a vampire or something. She twists things to make it sound like you've done her wrong, even exaggerating or flat out lying. So that makes it difficult to fully believe her allegation, BUT I am going to do all that stuff she asked me to do (including making her breakfast and lunch everyday and she said I have to ask her if she ate and praise her for eating or she won't eat...seriously)...these are the things she said I need to do to show her I care and listen and to support her through all her problems. Oh and she will continue being the BFF's boyfriend's mistress if we like it or not and will OD if we force her apart from him or cut herself with a real knife..
I just want to enjoy my baby. I sleep in the baby's room and am seriously thinking of locking the door when I am asleep now. I found her standing at the crib leaning over staring at him one morning, freaked me out.