Seriously.
So, my 13-year-old girl finally makes herself a bowl of cereal all by herself today. This is because I told her last night I would not do any late night work and would make sure to be up with her and make sure that I do that so she has breakfast and lunch.
I got up. She says "that makes her look stupid" if I had to get up to feed her a bowl of cereal and make her turkey sandwich for her for lunch..(I did not say it).
She fills the biggest bowl completely full of milk. I am talking to where you have to bend your knees and use two hands as it sloshes over the sides to get to the table. She then sprinkles flakes of cereal onto the top of the lake of milk. Obviously, the bowl is already fucking FULL, RIGHT? She gets some cereal in there though. - and I am talking about somewhere around 64 ounces of milk here btw. I am all erhmahgawd :jawdrop: She scoops off the probably 1/4 a measuring cups worth of flakes she managed to get into the bowl (there is now milk all over the table too that has been sloshed out and down her pants). I am still staring and going :jawdrop: then, she carries the bowl full of milk (still completely full) to the sink, it sloshes all down the cabinet and she pours it all down the sink.
Now, on top of that, I'm almost 8 months pregnant. My only craving has been milk, primarily chocolate milk. She used every single drop that was left (we had enough in the gallon for at least three glasses of milk and a bowl or two of cereal).
It took everything in me not to call her a moron. Seriously. I am SO PROUD of myself. I gritted my teeth and smiled and said "Momma teach you how to make a bowl of cereal tomorrow honey, go on and change your pants and wash your mouth off.. and if you want, I will show you how to make scrambled eggs in the microwave tewwwww". == She was very happy. I was very proud of myself. I did say the words "how fucking stupid one gotta be...w..t..f.." but only AFTER she left for school and was down the street.
Aw my patience worn thin.
I let her make mac n cheese that she and I were going to share together last month...she dropped the stirring spoon in the boiling water with the noodles...SO...she grabbed a DIRTY TOWEL out of the dirty laundry and wrapped it around her hand and shoved her hand down in the boiling water. She only got the dirty towel wet and the tips of a couple fingers into the water before going "oouuuch thats hooot"... needles to say, I threw out the almost finished mac n cheese and we had a talk about "boiling water is hot" and "dirty towels are not clean" and "we don't put our hands in side cooking boiling waters"...
This is not new to her. I let her "help" me cook since she was 6 years old. I let her stir noodles or peas or whatever she could stir just to stir and "help" for years. It's like she has lost half her brain function in the past 12 months or something. It's scary. This is a smart girl too! She has always been smart.
Just want to smack my palm to my forehead and scream sometimes. :O
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Small victories! Good job on
Small victories! Good job on keeping the cool, I probably would have blown up then I would have told dh to give sshit15 money to walk across the street to buy more! The walking part would cure my sshit15 right there of doing that again. (and i pick on sshit15 because he is the stupid one who would have done the same thing as your 13d)
I swear sshit15 has a permanent L on his forehead. }:)
From 12_15 they become
From 12_15 they become brainless. Something about puberty
Nope, I disagree. Age 16
Nope, I disagree. Age 16 still brainless. I have proof }:)
Age 17 & still brainless. I
Age 17 & still brainless. I also have proof to offer.
Tee hee. Teenagers. OMIGOSH.
Tee hee. Teenagers. OMIGOSH. Dense. Clueless. I think it may even be on purpose sometimes.
I'll share what I do... I want my kids to have a good breakfast. They are, by definition, teens and lazy. ;P Now that I'm not out the door first thing in the AM (working from home now) the LAST thing I want to do is get up any earlier than necessary to take them to school (which I do, even though the school is less than a block away.)
I make stuff in advance, usually on the weekend.
I'll cook up a loaf of french toast, and bag them in pairs and stick them in the fridge. Thirty seconds in the microwave and life is good.
I also bake eggs (scrambled and overhard) in the oven, and sandwich them with english muffins (or slim bagels), slice of cheese, and either sausage or canadian bacon. Voila! Egg sandwiches. Again, 30 seconds in the mocrowave and life is good.
It's healthier than poptarts, and just as easy.
with my supervision, bd6 can
with my supervision, bd6 can make an omlette.
she can crack the eggs in a bowl, no shell.
she can mix the eggs, pour it in the pan.
she can add the cheese, and flip it in half.
she can almost put it from pan to plate (working on it).
teenagers have whats called psuedostupidity....simple tasks are too hard for them to grasp cause there is sooooo much more goin on inside their heads already.
Hmmm. I get that teens are
Hmmm. I get that teens are Lazy. I get that they are distracted. I get that they think they are smarter than the rest of us, but to not know how to pour a bowl of cereal and milk?
I hate to be an alarmist - but has she been to the doc lately? Just doesn't sound like typical lazy/distracted behavior.
(I only suggest this because you mentioned she's normally a smart kid)
I agree. It sounds like this
I agree. It sounds like this kid has some other deficiencies.
She has been notorious for
She has been notorious for "playing stupid" to get her way, get out of trouble, and get us to do crap for her.
I have told her every day for many years to not leave hangers in the bathroom and dirty panties on the floor, but guess who picks it up every day or has to tell her when she gets home because "uuuh I forgoot".
My Skids play dumb all the
My Skids play dumb all the time. It has gotten better as of recently but I have come to realize that it is because they find it amusing and like the attention from someone saying "are you kidding me? Here let me show you" They seem to enjoy hearing adults repeat themselves OVER and OVER. So I started a new rule. I say things only once, whether it be make your own toast or get in the shower we are leaving. If it's not done, they will be hungry. If they don't hop in the shower I WILL and have left without them. What the frick do I care? I took my shower and made my toast. SO does the same because I am so annoyed with listening to him repeat himself.
Good on you for keeping cool
Good on you for keeping cool I'd of snapped on wasting food. As I sit here my ds11 is making scrambled eggs and my dd16 pancakes for breakfast I didn't have to lift a finger. They just asked if they could cook instead of cereal. Between myself, their dad and my late grandma they learned to start cooking at the 7 and at 5the were able with some set up to get their own cereal. We'd pour a glass of milk for each just enough for a bowl and set a bowl of cereal with the glass and a spoon in the fridge the night before. The fact a 13 y/o can't hurts my brain.
How can a 13 year old not
How can a 13 year old not know how to fix a bowl of cereal or not to put your hand into boiling water?
If there is a beagle in this
If there is a beagle in this story, I'm out!
Luckily she did not submerge
Luckily she did not submerge her stupid hand in the water, just the DIRTY towel. Her fingers were not even pink. I was certain to check her extremely closely and recheck...she said "ooouch" but then she immediately was using that hand to do things no one would do with a burn, did not want to run it under cold water, and there was not even a tiny bit of pink. When she said she put her hand in the pot to get the spoon, I was ready to rush her to the ER, but it was really obvious she only put the towel in the water.
Sounds like shes trying to
Sounds like shes trying to piss you off.
I think so too. More so, she
I think so too. More so, she plays stupid so I will do everything for her. I ended up cleaning her closet and drawers because she could not figure out how to fold the shirts...
I asked her to fold the towels. She folded the towel long-ways, then another fold long-ways, then folded that long part in half. It was the most moronic thing I had ever seen.
Now, this is not a neglected girl. Her entire life I have had her "Help" age appropriately with chores. She has folded towels before. She has made macncheese, hot dogs, ramen noodles, sandwiches, toast, etc for at least 7-8 months on her own (So long as she tells me first and I am downstairs and awake since it is a gas stove).
But now, "I don't know how to" and "I forgot" is all I hear about ANYTHING.
I'm sorry but do you REALLY
I'm sorry but do you REALLY believe she can't figure this stuff out on her own? You're enabling her to get away with not doing her chores or doing anything for herself, because the minute she pulls the "I don't know how" or "I forgot", you automatically do it for her!
If this were my kid and she pulled something like this, this would be my response: "well, since you don't know how to do something I taught you several years ago, I guess you don't know how to operate a computer, cell phone or TV either. Until what I asked you to do is done and done PROPERLY, you will not touch any of the devices I just mentioned, nor will you be able to go hang with your friends, or leave your room"
Guess what? She'll "remember" right quick!!!!!!!!!
So much of all this doesn't
So much of all this doesn't make sense. Either there is something wrong with this kid, or she has been coddled and babied by OP and her DH wayyyyyy too much.
Seriously, I feel sorry for this kid. If she is 13 and can't pour cereal, it's the parents fault, not hers.
Wait a minute...maybe OP
Wait a minute...maybe OP never bothered to correct her because she wantd to keep the peace so she could eat dinner? }:) So this is the result?
Maybe she should try eating her cereal with a fork.
I didn't correct her because
I didn't correct her because it took all my energy to not scream "are you a god damn fucking idiot?". I am truly quite proud of myself for my restrain since I was so very pissed off. She is freaking 13, not 6. After the last few times she was doing extremely stupid things because she forgot how, forgot to do it, or didn't know any better, it was grin and grit my teeth or call her a fucking moron. I think I chose the right choice.
I can kind of relate to the
I can kind of relate to the OP, because I witnessed something similar when DH was CP.
When DH's kid was 13 she suddenly became incapable of doing anything on her own. All I heard was "it's her age, she's 13, that's how they behave!"
What I saw was my DH starting to give her some independence (at my insistence since he was practically wiping her butt for her) and her resistance to doing things on her own. So she played dumb and behaved as though she didn't know how to do anything.
Dishes were put away in the wrong cabinets. Refrigerated food in the panty, and vice versa. I could site a hundred examples of this behavior.
At 13, they want to be grown up, but they don't want to put in the effort of doing it for themselves. To me, playing dumb was her way of getting DH to start doing things for her again.
YES! Because her father
YES! Because her father until very recently, always said "poor baby don't know no better". And now my grandmother is telling her how she is abused if I made her make her own food... and of course, she texts her friends how bad her life is because she has to scoop the litterboxes every night --while I am pregnant and cannot do it-- and she has a chore or two to do once a week.
I got on to her for skipping breakfast on the days I worked late at night and never making her own lunch but whining to people at school "no one feeds me". SO, I figured I would treat her the age she was acting (rather than call her a fucking moron like was on the tip of my tongue).
She did it again today, and she put peanut butter on one side of the bread..and jelly on the other side...and said "I don't know hoooow to make it I guess I forgoot ehheheheehhee" with a big smile. I shoved it in the lunch box and said you can eat it like it is and you can explain to your friends how you don't understand how to make a PB&H sandwich if they ask. I am, again, proud of myself for not saying "dumbass", which was in my mind, and I DO feel horrible for thinking "dumbass", really truly do feel bad for thinking it, I love her and sometimes I was really starting to worry that she had diminished brain function or something... but at least I didn't say it out loud.
*She is either:
1. screwing with me just to agitate me
2. trying to get out of having to do stuff
3. doing that regressing for attention thing because of the pregnancy.
That is the fun part that has
That is the fun part that has me confused, irritated, and frustrated. She was making her own cereal when she was 8. But now its "I dont know how to" and "I forgot" every day. Her face really looks like she just has no clue, so we believe her, but at the same time, she is really sneaky and lies a lot, so we have also figured out that she "plays stupid" to get away with things a lot.
She could make macncheese, spaghetti Os, soups, ramen noodles, sandwiches, and a few other things, some just the past 7 months to ayear -ish with the stove and some for like four years (sandwiches, she was making sandwiches and chips at age 8!).
Am I the only one who would
Am I the only one who would not tolerate this from my daughter at 13? I can see SD14 doing this, but my own? Shit no.
I taught her how to cook from an early age, how to do her own laundry, clean bathrooms, etc. I've made her responsible and accountable. She lives full time with her dad now, but even he says "As lazy as T can be sometimes, at least I know she's self sufficient"...
I don't get this one - at all! If this kid can't fix a bowl of cereal or know not to stick her fingers into boiling water at the age of 13, there's a bigger problem going on!
***Am I the only one who
***Am I the only one who would not tolerate this from my daughter at 13? I can see SD14 doing this, but my own? Shit no.
I taught her how to cook from an early age, how to do her own laundry, clean bathrooms, etc. I've made her responsible and accountable. She lives full time with her dad now, but even he says "As lazy as T can be sometimes, at least I know she's self sufficient"...
I don't get this one - at all! If this kid can't fix a bowl of cereal or know not to stick her fingers into boiling water at the age of 13, there's a bigger problem going on!***
And that is the problem. She has been taught since she was little, at age appropriate levels, all types of things, from general housework to cooking. She "helped" me with dinner and laundry and random things all her life since age 4/5, again in age-appropriate ways. Many times the "help" was waaaay more trouble than it was any type of help, but I wanted her to be independent.
But now, "I forgot" and "I Don't know how" or "I forgot how" is all we hear about anything. She also will smile so big you'd think her face was going to split open when she does some of these things and looks at us and says "I dont know how" or "I forgot".
She was extremely EXTREMELY jealous of my dog when she was little. Then when she was 7, she was jealous of the neighbor girl that came over a lot to play because I was "too nice to the girl and liked her more". Now, I am pregnant. Could this be some sort of regression or some sort of sneaky manipulation tactic to get out of stuff and get away with things?
I am constantly told I am "too hard on her" and that I expect too much and poor little thing shouldn't have had to make any of her own food or do dishes and gawd how mean I am that I didn't let her have cake for dinner this week - grandmother, yippee...
I am positive she is not that stupid. How could she do things in elementary school and not be able to now??? This has to be either 1. Playing stupid to get away with things and piss me off (she has intentionally done things to piss me off before, like I asked her to Dust, and she didnt then she said she DID and that I was lying and mean and she shouldn't have to do it twice just because I wanted her to wipe right to left or something stupid == there was a coat of dust nothing moved and she finally admitted to lying --but before that she was crying to her Daddy how she just didn't know any better and "did her best".) --- DH, of course, told me to leave her alone that I made her cry yelling at her for lying (again), until I yelled at DH and made HIM do it every time she "Forgot how to"...now he backs me up. }:)
It is just so hard not to believe her when she does something "stupid" and says she "didn't know how"...no fucking way she forgot how to make cereal..
FFS I just remembered that I have had her bring ME bowls of cereal and sandwiches and TOAST with jelly to my desk while I was working for snacks when she was 11 and 12. WTH.
There is no way I am not being played. It fits perfect with the sneakiness and manipulation of the past year. But she is SO GOOD AT IT. SERIOUSLY.
So call her out on her
So call her out on her bullshit or she's just gonna keep at it and you'll be her slave!
Seriously, the next time she does something stupid or "forgets how" - smile sweetly and let her know that until it's done properly, she's not to have any privileges. No TV, no cell phone (if she has one), no friends, no hanging out, no movies, no computer, whatever it is that she LOVES.
Explain it to her this way: I guess since you don't know how to fix a bowl of cereal, you most certainly don't know how to work something as complicated as a tv or a computer, so until you start doing things the right way, I guess you just aren't allowed to do anything else.
I'm telling you - once she sees you call her out and knows she can't get away with that shit anymore, she'll stop.
While I am super proud of
While I am super proud of myself not saying "you are such a moron", what I DID say, was full of sarcasm and "I think you are being so stupid right now"...but I truly tried my hardest not to.
And yeah, she has made cereal a lot of times in elementary school, some for me! I think she has been "Sabotaging" and intentionally trying to piss me off.
She admitted to intentionally trying to upset me after I told her I could not get upset in the first trimester of pregnancy because we lost the first two just days after an anxiety attack and being really upset - she did everything in her power to upset me and admitted to trying to piss me off and make me mad "for attention".
Deep breaths.
Yes, when she does something intentionally moronic or does not do what she is asked (like dusting or litter boxes saying she did it and not doing it), she is made to do it three times.