Been married to DH for 13 years, have known him 15. He was married for 3 years to BM. BM remarried 11 years ago and had a child ASAP atfter the wedding. SHE has never settled down in fact the last four years have been worse for her calls and emails. Two months ago she dumped the SD16 on us, took her back one week ago then called four days later screaming at DH to take her back. Sorry, offer is over to rehabilitate the monster she made. BM has another kid SD20 who is a mess and she calls about that one all of the time demanding money for copays, bills, etc. and the kid just quit community college. I helped SD20 get a good job with benefits so hopefully that will shut BM up but I doubt it. Hope it works out differently for you. Don't give up hope!!!

My dh's ex walked out w/the skids before the 2 yr anniversary. My dh and I have been married 3 yrs this April.. For me the BM was great up til we got married.. then she turned into a NUT job.. Mind you.. DH, FIL, MIL and BIL all told me she was a nut job.. and I hadnt seen it til after the wedding.. A week before my 1st anniversary to my DH she assaulted me (causing bruising on my arm).. She is no better today than she was back that first year.

I have no hopes of her getting better.. I do have hopes of NOT having to deal w/her once the skids are out of that house (18 yr olds). I also hope that when I have a child w/Dh that she doesnt veiw me any longer as disposable.. that she will see that we intend to make our marriage work.

Will it get better? I sure hope so. It seems like we started out okay but have grown into issues as we go along.

Don't get me wrong, my Dh and I really do have a great relationship and luckily no drama with the bm. Unfortunately, there is definatly strain when it comes to the kids. We are just not family. Dh and bm were married for about 11 yrs and I was married for 16 so sadly I think our past experiences bleed into our relationship even though we don't mean for them too.

In the beginning, I kept thinking that our family would operate close to what in my mind a family was. I knew it was not going to be the same, but I was unprepared by just how different things can be. Boy did I have a rude awakening. This new sort of "family" is so much different than I ever though it would be. I hope that there will be a day that I feel family-like but that day is not today. We have been together for almost 5 years and to me it feels like two families under one roof. I guess it is what it is. I have read so many books on blending and step parenting looking for a solution, suggestion or maybe just peace that I could almost write one.

Dh and I also have different parenting styles and that adds to the strain. I identify more with my ex and Dh with his when it comes to what is okay when it comes to parenting children. That sucks. There are things I can't stand about his kids and I am sure that there are things that he can't stand about mine. That also sucks. I feel like it instantly divides us into two camps. The behavior issues end up not getting delt with for what they are but end up getting tied to the person as if it is a personal attack on them.

This is what I hope to overcome somehow.

Good luck Anne. Hopefully we will all get past the point of our so previous relationship. I still have about 7 years to go.

Georgie

And yes it did make a difference. More to me. But we didn't have kids and after he made it clear that they could not continue to be friends if she was not interested in being my friend too, she stopped contacting him.

BUT...she still found ways to meddle. We had a few mutual friends and she was always trying to get them to be loyal to her and not invite us, even sabotaged that at a mutual friend's baby shower thrown by my then SIL. Crazy.

The major difference for me I think, my maturing and our marriage surviving past theirs was that when I decided to leave my exH, I no longer worried about how satisfied it would make his first wife. I lived with him/was married to him for a total of 11 years- over twice their entire dating/married time. I also had two kids with him. I guess I no longer felt I had something to prove.

DH and BM were married 10 years, dated long distance (bad idea) for the five until they got married. So I have a long way to go to pass that. This time it doesn't matter to me b/c I know we have a better marriage than they ever did or could have. She is insanely jealous of that I know.

I think the only thing I feel better about along those lines this time is that I have now re-done the entire outdated house they shared, and being that they moved into a little over a a year before she left...I have lived here much longer than she did. So it's mine now. DH was mine the minute I met him

Peace, love, and red wine

have a great relationship...we're best friends and lovers, but his exwife, his meddling family and his spoiled BS cause alot of drama in our lives...I can tell him how I'm feeling but it nothing gets better...as long as BM is around there will always be drama..she can't agree with him about anything and she always has to have HER way! She never gives in and lets him have something to be happy and I just can't up and leave him because of that I feel like I'm the only person that backs him..his own family doesn't respect his wishes which angers me to a pulp...they should be the ONE group of people you should be able to count on....I think it will get a little better once we move out of state next year and put some distance between us and her